What Kind Of Day Has It Been
by BonesBird
Summary: An urgent call from New Mexico starts a chain reaction that will change the make-up of the Archer-Hernandez family forever. ((Romulan War Series continuation))
1. The Call

**So, this is my new fic. It's set in November 2162, over a year after the end of "The Romulan War Stories 8" and several months after "Do They Still Think Of Me". This fic does contain minor character death and is about 90% sad. There are some very cute moments too, which I hope break it up. The title comes from The West Wing season 1 finale.**

**This whole fic (all 30 chapters of it) takes place over one week.**

**Shin xx**

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><p>Erika Hernandez had been hoping for a quiet life, once upon a time. She'd thought that after they both ended their active starship careers and settled on Earth that they would have time alone. It didn't seem like it was working out that way. Whenever they got a night to be quiet, something or someone would call and everything would be ruined. Normally it was an ensign or an aide, checking a detail that could have waited until office hours. Other times it was their friends who were trying to get them to be social again now Serena was a little early. Rarely did any calls come in after 10pm. There had been strict rules set about that so they wouldn't wake Serena. So when their comm system had started chiming at 11pm, Erika was more than a little annoyed. "Who the hell calls this late on a Saturday night?" She asked rhetorically, but she somehow still expected Jon to try and answer.<p>

"Trip, sometimes, if he can't get hold of Hoshi." He reasoned, and she thought about that. It had happened twice, and both had been when he was out on patrol. She was pretty sure Trip was on Earth right now, so she didn't think it was him.

Whether or not it was, it would probably be best that she leave her daughter with her mostly, undressed husband and a bottle and instead answer the call. At least she was somewhat appropriately dressed. Or, at least she had pyjamas on. Trip calling this late would be inconvenient at the best of times, and she planned on telling him that. "Well, he should stop. Feed her, I'll go answer." She threw a bib at Jon, and laughed as it hit him in the face, causing Serena to burst out laughing too.

She left them in the bedroom, and managed to catch the call before it hit the last ring. As she answered, the face of a man she didn't know filled the screen, and a uniform she recognised well as being worn by the sheriff's at home. "Captain Hernandez?" Was the first question, and Erika felt a sudden need to pull her robe around her.

"Yes. You are?" She might know him by name, or someone he was related to. Tatum wasn't a large place.

"I'm Officer Wilkin of the Tatum Sheriff's office." Wilkin. The name rang a bell, but right now she couldn't place it. Maybe she'd remember in time. At least her lack of recollection told her this likely wasn't a social call. He was paused only a second longer, looking down and checking the notes he clearly had in front of him. "I'm sorry to call you so late. Can you confirm if you are the sister of Simon Albert Hernandez?"

"Yes, he's my brother." So, this had something to do with Simon. What had the big oaf done now? She'd spoken to him earlier, and he'd been busy planning a big Christmas, to celebrate Serena's first birthday and Christmas all at once.

Her thoughts kept wandering, and it was clear that he wanted to give her chance to catch up to him. Eventually he coughed and brought her attention back to the screen. "I'm sorry ma'am I have some bad news. There was an accident a few hours ago. Your brother and his wife are in critical condition." Simon and Maria had been hurt? How? Why? That didn't make any sense. Simon was always sensible when he was out in the hovercar. He always had been. What had happened to the girls? If both Simon and Maria were injured, why weren't the girls?

That was when she realised that the officer was still on the comm, just watching her take in this information. It was harder than she thought to pull herself together enough to ask after the girls. Eventually she took a final breath and focused. "Are Carla and Amelia alright?"

Wilkin looked down again, clearly checking the information he'd been given. She just hoped they were OK. "They were at home. We've an officer with them now. How quickly can you get to Tatum?" She let out a breath she hadn't realised she'd been holding. It wasn't completely unsurprising that they were home alone. Carla was old enough to care for them both for a few hours.

How fast she could get there would depend on whether she could arrange something with Starfleet or if she'd have to use the public shuttles. She knew there were arrangements that could be made for planetary transport in cases of emergency, but she couldn't remember if they were only available for the admiralty. She didn't even know if Jon would be able to come. She still had a few weeks maternity leave before she started back at New Year. "I'll be there by the morning. Can you give me any more details?" She thought she might as well try, see if she could get any more information.

"I'm sorry ma'am this is all I'm permitted to give out unless I see you in person. When you arrive ask for Officer Wilkin." He replied, and she had expected that answer. Until she was there in person with her IDs they probably wouldn't tell her any more than they already had.

"Understandable." She tried to smile to show she wasn't angry, but she was fairly sure it came across as strained. It was too hard for her to try and show anything other than shock. "I'll be there in the morning, can you keep an officer with the girls until then?" She didn't want them to be alone.

The officer nodded with a knowing look. She wondered if he had children too. This would probably be his nightmare scenario if he did. It was hers, and she'd only been a parent for eleven months. "Yes ma'am, safe journey." He then sat forward and cut the communication.

"Jonathan!" She shouted, and a moment later he appeared in the living room, pulling a shirt on. Obviously he'd got Serena to sleep, and had then maybe been waiting to know what was going on.

It took him less than a minute to figure out something had happened. "What's wrong, what's happened?" He asked, the concern obvious in his tone.

"There's been an accident back home." She took a moment to breathe, and realised she was working herself toward a panic. She was glad when Jon just stepped forward and wrapped her into his arms. It seemed easier to deal with it all when he was there too. "The police wouldn't tell me much but it sounds bad I've got to get out there."

He squeezed her lightly then stepped back and held her shoulders, looking at her seriously. "Go pack a bag for you and Serena, I'll see if I can get you a shuttle then I'll join you tomorrow." Obviously he thought he could get time off, and she was grateful for that.

"Yeah. That's an idea. A good idea." She hadn't even thought about the fact they would need clothes and other things while they were away. She could buy most supplies while they were there. She wouldn't need to take everything with them.

Jon clearly realised she was still panicking, and she hoped that his calm would transfer. He kept hold of her, forcing her to stay still and centre herself. "Erika, calm down. It might not be as bad as you're making yourself think it is."

"I hope you're right." She muttered, taking a few more breaths, just stabilising herself. She could see everything she needed to do, and she was going to manage it.

"I'm sure I am. Go." Jon said when she had calmed. She focused just on the packing, enough clothes for a week, thinking that was probably the time she would have. It was hard to make sure she had everything, but she was pretty sure she had everything. When she was absolutely certain, she pulled some comfy travel clothes and changed quickly, then threw the backpack on and picked up the sleeping baby, hoping she stayed asleep. After a second of settling, Serena made another small noise showing she was staying asleep for now.

When she got to the lounge, Jon had a grim smile, and she was sure that meant he'd managed to get her a shuttle out. At least she hoped that was what it meant."You got a shuttle?"

"It's one of the emergency shuttles. Sam and I pulled a few strings." She looked at him questioningly. Not that she didn't trust him and Sam, but they had both stolen, or borrowed, a ship before. Jon gave her a confused look then began elaborating. "It's picking up a team in Roswell in the morning, we've arranged for it to drop you and Serena at the PD in Tatum on the way."

That was OK, she wasn't going to get arrested for that, and it was nice that Sam had helped. They had all once been good friends, but there had been a barrier that built during the war. Now it felt they were finally breaking it down again. "Thank Sam for me in the morning."

"I will. You need to go." He leant down and kissed her as hard as he could without waking Serena. Clearly they had both needed it, despite how optimistic Jon was trying to be. "I'll meet you there tomorrow. I need to set a few things in motion here."

"I love you." She told him, so rarely the first to say that, but she needed to say it right now. She needed him to know that it was true. He pressed his forehead against hers for a second then stepped back a little.

"Me too, go on. I'll see you in a few hours." Erika stepped onto her tiptoes to kiss Jon once more, hoping he was right and she was worrying for no reason. She was prone to worrying, she knew that. But this was her family, and she just couldn't imagine anything good coming from her being called by the police at 11pm on a Saturday night. She didn't know what had happened, but her gut told her it wasn't a good thing. Her gut hadn't been wrong yet. She prayed it was this time.


	2. Arriving in New Mexico

**This story started from one small drabble I wrote, and because of the amount of people who shouted "Fuck you, Shin!" in the comments on it I absolutely _had_ to carry it on. In this chapter, Erika arrives in New Mexico with Serena.**

**Shin xx**

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><p>The shuttle had managed to land just outside the town hall, not too far from the Sheriffs office. It felt strange to be back in New Mexico. She hadn't been home since she and Jon got married. She'd been light years away when her mother had died, and she hadn't had the chance to really get out here since. She still remembered every single street, and she ran along the two that separated her from the Sheriffs office. As soon as she got through the door she readjusted Serena on her hip and slid her hand into her pockets for the ID she knew she'd need. "I'm here to speak to an officer Wilkin."<p>

"Take a seat." She sat down and sat Serena on her knee, bouncing her up and down. Serena was grumpy, probably because neither of them had gotten a large amount of sleep. An eleven-month-old was not able to hide her tiredness as well as her mother. Erika had finally managed to settle when a voice made her jump. "Jon, she's here." The name confused her for just a second, but she realised that they didn't mean her husband, but the officer she'd spoken to a few hours earlier.

After a second the man she remembered came to the counter, and she got up again. Wondering how bad this was. He looked very serious, and that wasn't inspiring any good feelings in her. "Captain Hernandez?" He asked, and she once again shifted Serena a little.

"Yes." She held out her ID for him to inspect, and after a few seconds he seemed to accept she was who she said she was. Not that she'd had her face plastered all over the media for the better part of the last decade. Now that that was out of the way she only had one question she could ask. "What's going on?"

Wilkin held his arm out and she followed him through to an office. He let her get settled with Serena again then sat across the desk from her. She just stared at him until he started speaking. "I'm sorry to tell you that your sister in law was pronounced dead at the scene."

She was glad she sat down, because that knocked the wind out of her. She'd been so hoping that Jonathan was right and her gut was wrong, but it turned out it had been the other way around. She held Serena a little tighter and kissed her daughter's cheek, just taking a moment to feel sorry for Maria. She had always liked Simon's wife, and they had been a good fit. "What happened?"

"We're still trying to work that out, it looks like a motor malfunction. Another hovercar, not theirs." Once again, it became obvious that Wilkin was looking through his notes again to tell her exactly what had happened. "They were walking past it when the motor exploded. There was one other casualty, the driver of the hovercar."

"I thought hovercars were meant to be safe?" She snapped, and at the tone of her voice Serena started whimpering. She regretted that immediately, and started bouncing Serena again. She didn't have any way to put Serena on the floor, which would have been the best way to let Serena calm down, as it was they were probably going to have to deal with a crying baby.

Wilkin looked between her and Serena and then commented. "A lot of things are meant to be safe, but aren't."

She wasn't actually all that interested in his insights, but she was interested in where Simon was. If Maria had died, she was sure that Simon couldn't be in a good way himself. "Where is my brother?"

"He is in the ICU at the hospital." Wilkin's shoulders dropped, and she wasn't entirely sure why it made her concerned that he hadn't just said he was at the medical centre. Then again, that wasn't really surprising. The medical centre didn't have trauma capabilities.

"Which hospital?" She asked. Fairly sure she wasn't going to like the answer.

"NMU." It was clear he hadn't looked forward to giving her that news.

Given that NMU was in the state capital, it was a very long way from where she would have wanted him. Then again. She didn't want him, or any of them, to be going through this one at all. "That's in Albuquerque. Two and a half hours away by hovercar."

"The paramedics flew your brother on a shuttle, last I checked he was in a stable condition. We had an officer with your nieces overnight, also your cousin." Again, Wilkin looked down, but, this time he had to look through a few pages of notes. "Marta arrived to sit with them after she heard about the accident." It didn't at all surprise her that Marta had been the one to get to the house first.

"The Hernandez's are a big family." She said evenly, just thinking through all of the issues that she was going to need to deal with. With Maria's death, the decisions about Simon's medical care would revert to her. That meant she needed to get to the hospital, and she wasn't sure how she was going to do that just yet. "Can you arrange transport for me to the hospital?"

Maybe unsurprisingly, Wilkin shook his head, and she knew she would have to sort this out on her own. "I'm sorry Captain, you'll have to arrange your own transport. We will continue providing assistance including any grief counselling you think your nieces will need." The fact that that was addressed to her took her back for a moment.

"Why are you asking me?" She asked, bouncing Serena again as she started to whimper, probably getting sleepy and cranky again. Erika was impressed that Serena had been as calm as she had been.

"You and your husband are their legal guardians." Oh, yeah. She remembered that part now. That suddenly explained a lot more. She knew they'd be expected to come and make sure the girls were OK, but she'd forgotten that the responsibility fell to her and Jonathan. "Therefore they default into your custody while your brother is in the hospital and you take on parental responsibility."

That was not good for her, and it probably wouldn't be for the girls either. She was used to being the parent of a small child who had a few issues. Dealing with a teenager and a pre-teen were not what she'd been expecting for many years. "I am not ready for this. I've only been a parent at all for eleven months." She motioned to Serena and frowned.

For the first time since she'd arrived, Wilkin slipped into a smile. "Captain Hernandez, I've read your service record. I think you have plenty of skills suitable for parenting teenagers."

"Thanks. I think." She wondered if that was actually meant as a compliment, or if he was giving her a slightly disparaging comment. Either way she was going to just ignore it and focus on Carla and Amelia. "Can you take me to my nieces, at least. I need to tell them their mother died."

Wilkin nodded and stood up then opened the door for her and Serena. "I'll get a deputy to take you. I'm sorry for your loss Captain." His condolences were sincere, and she suddenly realised she was going to have to do the rest of this on her own for now.

She was glad to get in the sheriff's car, and finally knew that she was going to be with her family again soon, even if she was going to have to be giving bad news. The sun was up now, and she was sure that Carla and Amelia would be awake, Marta probably hadn't even slept. As she arrived at Simon and Maria's home, her cousin Jorge was stood outside, and she saw an opportunity there. Five minutes later, she knew how she would get to the hospital.

As soon as she stepped through the door both Carla and Amelia had run up to her and thrown their arms around her, causing Serena to make an unhappy squeak of protest. "Aunt Erika!"

"Hey girls. Be careful, let me put Rena in the playpen first." Marta, probably knowing Erika would be on her way with the baby, had found the old playpen and set it up in the living room, thankfully it had been the first thing Erika had noticed coming through the door. The girls both retreated toward the sofa again, but neither of them sat down.

"They said there was an accident. Mom and dad were hurt." Carla started, and it was obvious she knew that if Erika had been called down this was more than a minor accident. That wasn't making this conversation any easier.

She took a deep breath and stroked Serena's head then motioned the girls to the sofa. Marta was stood in the doorway, and Erika could feel her eyes on her back. "Sit down girls." She said, then knelt down in front of the sofa so she could look up at them, feeling a little easier.

Amelia seemed to realise there was a problem now, and she started looking a lot more worried. "This isn't good. What is it Aunty E?"

"Your dad is in the ICU." She thought that starting off with that would be the best. Of the news she had to impart right now, it was the best. She didn't want to jump right into the worst news. The news that was going to change their lives forever. She'd stay focusing on Simon for a moment. "He's badly hurt but they are trying to help him."

"What about mom?" Carla asked, and Erika was reminded that Carla wasn't a child anymore, and that she was extremely intelligent too. That made this even harder to do.

"Your mom was hurt a lot worse, she was gravely injured." She started then paused. Wanting to give the girls a moment to take that in.

Apparently she waited a few seconds too long, as Amelia sat forward and patted her hand. "Is she OK?"

"She died, Mela."

"No, no she didn't. It was just an accident!" Carla shouted, standing up and walking around the back of the sofa. Erika could understand the disbelief and anger, but that wasn't going to change what was happening right now.

"Carla, would I be here if this wasn't serious?" She held her hands up, not really happy that Carla had jumped up so suddenly. Then again, there wasn't really much else she could worry about. "Please, sit down and listen to me. Jorge is going to come and take us to the hospital. Mia, you need to stay here with Marta and Serena. Uncle Jon will be here eventually too." She smiled and waved at Serena, who despite her exhaustion had managed to get herself into a sitting position and was sucking on the sleeve of her pyjamas.

"Why am I going?" Carla asked, and Erika just looked at her seriously and motioned back to the sofa. Wanting her sat down before they spoke again.

As soon as Carla was sat again she began explaining her thinking. "Because I think you're old enough to understand what's going on, and I want you to know. So we can make decisions together as a family. OK." That was going to be important in the long run, she was sure. Letting Carla be involved, and feel like she was as vital to this process as Erika was. "You and me. We're gonna make sure your dad is OK." She finished, and Carla sagged a little then nodded.

"OK. Can I go change?" Carla asked, then stood up, clearly going to change either way. Given where they were going, changing probably wasn't a bad idea.

Erika just smirked and shook her head. "You better be wearing NMU colours when you come back down."

After Amelia had settled beside the playpen talking to Serena, who seemed to just be happy to have attention on her. Marta came over and was clearly planning on saying her mind. "Are you sure you're OK taking her?"

"She's 15, I was old enough at 15, and she's far more intelligent and sensible than I ever was." At 15 Erika had been a rebel who hadn't really even tried to fit in with anyone or anything. She'd had Logan and a couple friends, that had been enough. Carla was definitely not taking after her aunt in that respect.

"I won't disagree." Marta conceded after a few seconds, then looked in the direction of Serena, clearly remembering the other thing that was going to be happening. "I'll tell Jon you're at the hospital when he gets here." She sort of wished that she could wait until Jon was here to leave, but she knew that it was more important she get to the hospital.

As she watched her eleven month old try to hide a yawn she realised how little they had slept, and she wanted Serena at least to have gotten some sleep. "Try and get Bunny down for a nap, she hasn't slept much." She advised, glad that Marta had been out in San Francisco only a couple of weeks earlier and Serena seemed comfortable with her.

"I will. See you tonight." Marta said, and that made Erika think again. If Simon was in a critical condition maybe it would be better if she and Carla stayed somewhere near the hospital, so they could be on hand if anything happened.

"Maybe. We might stay at the hospital, rent a room nearby. Just for a couple of nights." That was surely the best idea. It would also give her a place to sleep sooner rather than later. Because even she couldn't survive indefinitely on no sleep.

Marta nodded, and it seemed she agreed. "If you do, Jon will bring Bunny and Mia tomorrow."

"Good plan. Thanks, Marta." She smiled a little as Carla came down with a bag, clearly having heard Erika say they might stay a few nights and threw things in an overnight bag. She herself separated her bag from the things that were for Serena, and then kissed her daughter and youngest niece on the head once each. Then headed out to the hospital.


	3. Telling Friends

**I didn't mean to go a couple days without posting. I'm so sorry. Anyway. Jon tells Hoshi and Veronica what's going on, then takes his own trip to Erika's hometown.**

**Shin xx**

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><p>He had barely slept at all. He'd gotten used to having Erika beside him and hearing Bunny's breathing from the baby monitor. Without those two he had found it hard to drift off, and he'd been awake at the first alarm, the one that was set to ensure Erika wouldn't miss church. Then he'd begun his morning plans that led to him being stood at this doorway accompanied by a very grumpy New Zealander. He was about to hammer on the door again when Hoshi Sato opened the door and looked at him with bleary eyes. "Jon, it's Sunday morning."<p>

He just poked a thumb over his shoulder at Veronica, who had been making her displeasure at what he had done today very well known since he'd roused her twenty minutes earlier. "That was her reaction too. She swore more."

"I made him stop for bagels." Veronica grumbled, and thrust the half-empty bag of bagels into Hoshi's arms. Veronica had already eaten her half of the bagels, and had then refused to give him any. Especially as he still hadn't told her why he had woken her up at 7am. "He wouldn't let me buy coffee."

"Why no, come right in." Hoshi commented sarcastically as he walked into the room, followed by Veronica a second later.

The second she was through the door the blonde flopped onto a sofa and looked at Hoshi seriously. "You know, I bet we could club him to death and get away with it." She hypothesised, and that was apparently was too much for even Hoshi, who was generally a little less worried about death threats than he was.

Jon, however, just looked at Veronica and smiled, forgetting how much fun she was in a morning. How had she and Erika ran a ship when they both hated mornings? That was a question for a less-serious time. "You're not a morning person, are you?" He couldn't resist that.

"I'm still furious at you." She shot back, and he decided that maybe talking to Hoshi would end better for him right now. At least until he told them the news.

"That's fair. Tosh awake?" He asked, hoping that he wouldn't be seeing the just-turned-four year old. While he loved his youngest goddaughter, considering where he would be going in a few minutes he didn't want to have to put her down again.

"No. It's Sunday morning. Why are you here Jon?" Hoshi was clearly fed up of him playing like this was at all normal. He didn't think it was normal, but he also didn't want to make too much out of the situation, and he was worried enough without others being worried.

He took a breath and just said it as simply as he could. While he was sure that they wouldn't be as worried as he was, they would know this wasn't normal. He didn't even remember the last time he'd been to Tatum. Had it been after the Expanse? Probably. "I need to go to Tatum. Erika and Serena went down there late last night."

"Is everything OK?" Hoshi was the first one to realise that it probably wasn't a surprise vacation.

He shrugged, still really wanting to play it cool, but also being far too aware that none of this situation was coo. "I don't think so." He admitted, not wanting to lie to the people that were easily his and Erika's best friends. "There was some kind of accident involving Erika's brother and his wife. I don't know any of the details."

"What do you need me for?" Hoshi asked, while a quick glance at Veronica showed that she was following the conversation and probably thinking, as she often did. It was one of the many ways Veronica had always been helpful.

What he wanted, and needed, out of them was fairly simple. He didn't need a lot, just a guarantee. He needed people on the ground here to help them whichever way it went. "I want you both to be available whenever I call this next week or two. Depending on how things go will change what we do." If things weren't as bad as they'd been led to believe they'd all be home in a few days. If things were worse there was a possibility he and Erika would be gaining two more in their household.

Both women were nodding, clearly both accepting that they would need to play a part in this if worst came to worst. "Right."

"Hey does this mean I can crash at your place?" Veronica asked, and despite the seriousness of the moment, Jon ended up smirking, while Hoshi actually let out a snigger. Of course, Veronica would be the one who thought that.

"Not liking Starfleet Accommodation, Ron?" He asked, wondering what was so terrible about living on the Academy grounds. From what he had seen the rooms were spacious and she would have plenty of ground to explore on her days off from the civil aviation authority.

Veronica though, was clearly more than a little uncomfortable there. "It reminds me that I am no longer a serving Starfleet officer, and the cadets are noisy little shits." She looked so angry at that, and he couldn't help himself, he finally let out an actual laugh.

"Sure, you can crash at our place." He confirmed, feeling like really that was the least he and Erika could do for their old friend.

Hoshi, brain working overtime as it often did, returned them to their serious topic of conversation. The one that they had all been trying to distance themselves from for just a few moments. It had worked, he knew that much, but now they did need to deal with exactly what, why and how. That was the annoyance with these situations, they were rarely as cut and dried as they appeared, and there were so many details that needed to be attended too. Including the one Hoshi asked him about. "How are you getting out to Tatum?"

"I'm getting an emergency shuttle this afternoon. I need to go into Command and talk to a few of the other Admirals." He didn't, he'd already been, but he also didn't want Hoshi to overthink it too much, so telling her he'd be taking a staffed shuttle was better.

Veronica was clearly thinking on a completely different level, and he was actually more than a little impressed that she had remembered it. "Does Erika even have leave?"

He just nodded a few seconds, but as Veronica kept staring at him he realised he was going to have to do more than that, and actually explain what was going on. "She still had half her maternity leave she could take before Bunny's first birthday." He wasn't sure why they still had that, but he was glad she had plenty of leave.

Hoshi looked at him seriously then rubbed his arm. "I hope everything is OK in New Mexico, Jon." She smiled, and he tried to return it. It didn't seem to be happy, but supportive.

"Me too." He really did hope that everything was fine in New Mexico, and he suddenly regretted that he hadn't managed to check in with Erika this morning. He was sure that she would had called him if she could. "We'll let you get back to sleep."

"Thanks." Hoshi stifled a yawn then started ushering them toward the door. He could understand her wanting them out of the house

"Veronica, come." He ordered, hoping that her years of Starfleet training would have her following him rather than staying where she was. After a few seconds she got out of the bed and frowned.

After a few minutes of walking Veronica realised he had wanted her around, and she made it obvious she wasn't happy about being led around. "What do you need?"

He had made plans this morning at command of how he was going to get to New Mexico, his only stumbling block had been a pilot. He'd managed to convince Sam to look the other way and he used Erika's best friend, rather than some ensign or lieutenant they didn't know. "I need someone who can pilot a shuttle."

"What?" Veronica clearly hadn't followed the story, maybe thinking he still had things to do. He was going to have to explain it.

"The emergency shuttle doesn't have a pilot, and command aren't happy with me doing it on my own now I'm an Admiral." For some reason he was seen as being 'important' and that meant he couldn't do anything on his own. Apparently. "So I'm nominating you."

"As stated earlier, I'm not in Starfleet anymore." She argued, but that wasn't going to change his mind at all.

"That doesn't matter to me, or Sam. You can bring the shuttle back when you've dropped me too, and you're welcome to stay at mine and Erika's."

For some reason, Veronica's smile told him something he'd assumed all along. She would have stayed in their apartment regardless. "Good, because I would have stayed there whether you gave me permission or not."

"Goddammit Fletcher. You're meant to be less annoying now you're not in Starfleet." He teased lightly and smiled. Glad to see the last several years really hadn't changed her that much.

Veronica just stared at him with a confused look on her face then smiled mischievously. "Was there ever really much chance of that?"

"Probably not. I hoped though. Let's go, before I am reminded of something else I need to do." He lead Veronica in the direction of the Starfleet shuttleport. He should probably be concerned that someone who hadn't slept much, and also hadn't had any caffeine, was going to be piloting his shuttle. Now though, he just wanted to find out what awaited him in New Mexico.


	4. As Bad as Thought

**Jon arrives in Tatum, and learns exactly how bad things are. Marta tells him all that has been lost.**

**Shin xx**

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><p>The trip to New Mexico seemed horrifically slow, even though he knew Veronica was breaking about a dozen regulations on speed control. It didn't really matter to her anymore anyway. She was technically a civilian and couldn't be prosecuted for Starfleet's regulations. She had him there a little after 1pm, and he realised that he still remembered his way through the town as if he'd last been there recently, but it had been several years. He thanked Veronica, and reminded her that she could still be arrested for stealing a shuttle if she didn't return it. Then he walked the 500 metres or so to Simon and Maria's. He knocked gently then stepped through the door, surprised to find the house seemingly empty. "Anyone here?"<p>

"Jonathan?" Came a call from the other room, and at the same time he and Marta Hernandez came to the doorways. He was glad there was someone here, and he hadn't walked into the wrong house, which hadn't been entirely out of the realm of possibility.

"Hey, Marta. Where is everyone?" He asked. Even in the midst of this, he wasn't sorry about seeing Erika's cousin again. Marta was an extremely intelligent woman and helpful to know when he wanted some legal advice. He hadn't known any of Erika's plans when she got here, so he didn't know why he'd expected to find her here.

Marta just shrugged, then motioned toward the stairs. "Amelia finally fell asleep curled up with Serena about half an hour ago." It somehow didn't surprise him that Serena had taken the opportunity to cuddle someone and fall asleep. Then again at eleven months old that was probably all his daughter really knew how to do. She did enjoy cuddling and sleep. If that helped Amelia then that was the best thing for them to do. "Erika and Carla have gone to the hospital to check on Simon with Jorge." Jon had to think for a minute, and then felt a flush of embarrassment as he recalled who Jorge was.

Given the area they were in he didn't know where they would have gone to, or how far it would have been. He assumed it was a distance away if Erika hadn't taken Amelia and Serena. "Which hospital?"

"NMU, up in Albuquerque." 435 kilometres away. Further than he would have thought, but if there wasn't a trauma specialist centre until there it was probably the best place. In an accident that killed two people, Simon was surely lucky to have survived this far.

Which lead him to the next important question, and one that was no doubt going to be critical over the next few days. Especially when this news hit the media. He knew it would, stories such as these always did, especially when they could be connected to people in a position of authority, something both he and Erika were. "What happened?"

"There was an accident with a hovercar they were walking past." Marta sighed then dropped into the closest chair and he knew there was more bad news coming his way now. Just the way she looked, and the slump of her shoulders as she looked up at him. This wasn't going to be good news. "Two fatalities." OK that was worse than he had imagined, did that mean they were both dead, other people were dead. Either way it wasn't going to be good for any of them. Marta only left him hanging another few seconds. "Maria and the hovercar driver."

He closed his eyes and sighed. Putting himself momentarily in Simon's shoes. He couldn't imagine a life without Erika, and had had to face her being missing presumed dead on more than one occasion. Then he remembered losing his father, and his priority shifted again. "How are the girls?"

It was clear that Marta wasn't sure entirely what to say, but she could give him the mood, and he'd probably be able to figure the rest out for himself. "Amelia's barely stopped crying, Carla was disbelieving, but she's gone with Erika to sort out Simon." That was something, at least they would be there to see Simon and to hopefully make sure that he was going to be OK. That was presuming that he was as badly injured as Maria and the hovercraft driver had been. All intents and purposes said that right now that wasn't certain.

"Simon's alright?" He wasn't sure if Marta would know any more than he did, but it was best to ask. He needed to know if there was any information at all that Marta had he didn't.

"Erika hasn't called from the hospital so we don't really know." Marta started explaining, and he just held a hand up. He knew that they would have to wait for Erika, but he wanted to know what they had now. "Critical but stable was the last report. Jorge is going to come back tonight and take you, Amelia and Serena up there tomorrow." That was a good thing, Erika had clearly planned this out thoroughly.

But all that reminded him that he had told Erika before she left San Francisco that things would be fine. That he was trying to be optimistic and had ended up really, really wrong. "I told Erika things were probably alright."

Marta squeezed the top of his arm and smiled, clearly trying to cheer him up. "None of us knew how bad this was, Erika was the next of kin for everyone so nobody could be told until she got here." That was the worst part of it. That meant Simon hadn't been able to authorise anything. That explained why they'd needed Erika so quickly.

All of a sudden there were footsteps on the stairs and he heard his name being called in a sad, small voice. "Uncle Jon."

"Hey Mela." He replies, turning to her and trying to smile, but it wasn't easy for him. It probably wasn't what Amelia needed right now either. She would just need him to be as strong as he could be.

Apparently, Mela couldn't think of anything other than their recent news. Not all that surprising. It was probably something she was going to think about for a long time. "My mommy's dead."

"I know, come here." He held his arms open, and it only took a second for Amelia to run down and jump into his arms. He motioned for Marta to go and collect Serena from where she'd probably been sleeping, just to make sure she didn't fall off anywhere again. Erika had been mad enough at him the first time she did that.

"They said they'd be back for dinner and that we could go to Slades." Amelia mumbled into his shoulder, and all he could do was give her a gentle hug. He didn't really know what to say. He'd make sure they took her out if they ended up in Albuquerque tomorrow. He wanted her to know that she was loved even in this situation.

He pulled back a little, but kept himself crouched to her level. She was going to be his priority for right now. "I'm sure they would have been if they could have been. Have you behaved for Marta?"

"Yeah." Amelia replied, and it was obvious she was having trouble thinking of things to talk about. He looked at her and smiled, thinking of something that he could help take her mind off the situation until Jorge was back. There was only one thing he could think of.

"Why don't you go get a movie while I try and speak to Aunt Erika, then we'll watch your movie." He said, and hoped that he could get a message through to Starfleet. He didn't even know which hotel Erika would be settling in to.

Amelia clearly thought it was good that he was going to talk to Erika. She probably wanted her aunt. Unlike Carla, who he'd known since birth, he'd never quite connected with Mela as closely. "OK." She muttered then ran off in search of a film.

As soon as she was gone, and he heard Marta upstairs trying to keep Serena calm, he decided to check the Starfleet listing and see if there was a recruitment office nearby. He then discovered there was one only around the corner from the hospital Simon was in. He typed in the number and smiled when he was connected. He was glad he was still in uniform, especially when a bewildered looking commander answered the call. "New Mexico Starfleet Offices at Albuquerque."

He just looked at her and tried to smile. Almost certain it didn't come off the way he expected. "Commander, can I speak to the officer in charge up there."

"That's me sir." She frowned at him, but she clearly recognised him. That was confirmed a second later. "What can I do for you Admiral Archer?"

"Captain Hernandez is going to be visiting her brother at NMU today, can you get a message to her?" He phrased it as a question, but they both knew that it was an order. He was going to get a message sent to her.

"Yes sir, what message?"

"Copy this down. 'Landed, following tomorrow, call tonight if possible, l-y-a'." In the middle of the Romulan War they had created the acronym l-y-a to sign letters off with. It was their private acknowledgement of loving each other. It meant 'love you always', and it was important to him that she know that right now. He had come too close to losing her or more than one occasion. In this situation he didn't want to imagine not telling her.

"Yes sir. I'll get that to her." The commander said, and all he could do was nod in thanks. There weren't really any words he could say to an officer he didn't know and would likely never see or hear from again.

"As you were." He ordered, glad the conversation was over.

At that moment he looked down to Amelia's sad face. "Here, can we watch this one?" Amelia showed him a movie chip, and he was glad to see it was one he knew and would be OK for Serena to watch too. He was thinking about the film when he heard Marta coming down the stairs with Serena who was fussing a lot as she did. He could understand that it was a scary time for his little girl, being taken away from her routine, she probably just wanted daddy.

"Sure, put it in." He took Serena off Marta then sat on the sofa. Marta sat on one of the other chairs as Amelia crawled up the sofa and rested against Jon's other side. He had to pause and try and think of any other way he could help Amelia. He realised suddenly that he didn't really remember anything that had helped him 40 years earlier when he'd lost his father. He hoped that just sitting there taking her mind off it would help. It was really all he could do right now.


	5. A Hospital on a Sunday

**Erika and Carla arrive to see Simon, and nothing is as hopeful as they wanted. - Sorry for the delay in posting. It's been a sleepy, busy week.**

**Shin xx**

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><p>It took a little under two hours to reach the hospital, mostly because Jorge had sped wherever they could get away with it. Using her position as justification for his insanity. She didn't really mind that, and arriving quicker than expected would mean she could find out the news and situation faster. They had gone into the Emergency department first, and had been redirected to Intensive Care. The turbolift up to the top floor seemed to take an eternity, but as she and Carla burst through the door they found another reception station. "Can I help you?" The nurse manning it asked, looking up as she did. Erika pulled out her Starfleet ID again and looked around.<p>

"We were sent up by the emergency department." She said by way of explanation, but not really wanting the nurse to start asking her questions about how they had got there. It seemed the easiest way to go about it. "I believe my brother is here?" She both asked and stated, knowing that the tone probably wouldn't matter.

The nurse looked down at his patient list, no doubt checking the names there so he could find whatever she said faster. "Name?"

"Simon Hernandez."

He nodded a second later then looked between her and Carla. "You are?" He asked, and he was fairly sure she had already answered that question when the first walked through the door.

"His sister, Captain Erika Archer-Hernandez." She rarely used her legal surname. Her Starfleet identification still just had 'Hernandez', but she was sure on the legal paperwork for Simon's admittance she would be down by her full surname. Mentioning that Carla was his daughter probably wouldn't be amiss either. Giving the nurse all the information he would possibly need. "This is his daughter, Carla Hernandez. I should be his NoK."

"Ah yes, I see." He said a second later, and she saw the information on the screen switch from a white list to a blue patient form. Erika knew little about the differences past the basics. "I can get the doctor to speak to you." The nurse, Frank by his name tag, looked at her, then turned slightly and addressed Carla. "Mr. Hernandez is currently in a coma. I could take you through to him?"

Carla looked to her, and she knew that her niece was torn between going seeing her father and not missing out on knowing whatever the problems were. Right now, Erika wanted to hear what was happening first, just so she could prepare Carla if needed. "Go check on your father, I'll need to fill in this paperwork for him."

"Are you sure?" Carla asked, and Erika squeezed her shoulder and tried to give her a confident smile. It would be better for her to pass on good vibes than to make her niece overly worried.

"Carla I've been his sister longer than you've been his daughter." She had only been his sister for forty-eight years, her entire life. She also knew that Carla would want to see her father, and to talk to him before everyone else got involved, even if he was unconscious. "You go see him." She motioned in direction of the door again, hoping this time Carla wouldn't argue.

After a few seconds Carla departed with Frank, and Erika took the PADD she'd needed to take to fill in Simon's information. She was midway through the form when she noticed someone stood a little way from her watching her. When she looked up a doctor was clearly watching her. "Captain Hernandez? Oh, it is you. I'm Dr Rogg, I've been caring for your brother."

"Yes it is. Can you tell me what is going on with Simon?" She was suddenly nervous, and nothing about the demeanour of Dr Rogg was making her feel less concerned.

"I just saw your niece in there but only gave her the basics to explain why he was on the machines." Erika was about to interrupt when Rogg held his hand up, stopping her talking in the most common gesture found within Starfleet to silence a junior. Her 30-years of Starfleet training meant she kept her mouth shut, ready to hear the rest of what Rogg wanted to say. "He had an extremely serious head injury, along with multiple internal injuries. I left it at head injuries for young Miss Hernandez."

That was a relief. He hadn't told Carla to understand. A combination of life threatening injuries, probably all of them combining to put him in this situation, and none of them being easy to overcome, that she was sure of. "Appreciated. What are his chances?" That was an important question, was there any chance at all.

"Right now, less than 10%." That was lower than she'd expected. Friends who had died during the war had been given a better chance than that. She'd buried too many of those friends. After a few seconds Rogg continued, spelling out the problem in more detail. "Our last scans shout minimal brain activity, and that could be purely the fact that the brain is no longer capable of telling the body to die."

"I've seen that before, during the war." She wanted to be honest about that. He clearly knew her reputation, knew that she had served. She was one of New Mexico's prodigal daughters, it no longer surprised her what people knew of her here. But while she'd seen this during the war, it had all been very different, and that meant this was harder to believe. "In different circumstances obviously."

Rogg, clearly, understood. She wondered if he was ex-Starfleet too, it wouldn't really surprise her if he was. A lot of veterans had left the fleet following the war. "Captain, you should take some time with him. Bring the rest of your family. His wife and other daughter." The mention of Maria was a painful stab Erika hadn't quite expected, and that made it hard to formulate a reply for a second.

"His wife died in the accident that did this." She thought about Maria again and sighed, looking through the glass partition at where Carla was stood over her father's bed. "My husband is with his youngest daughter and my daughter, he'll be bringing them tomorrow." She now couldn't wait for Jon to arrive, she didn't want to have to deal with this alone.

Rogg just looked at her sadly, and she knew that the next bit of news he was going to deliver wasn't going to be good. Nothing about this was going to be good. "You may have a difficult decision to make in a day or two."

"Thank you doctor." She said, even though she didn't feel at all thankful. It was just her drilled-in manners coming out. Right now she couldn't believe what she'd been told.

"Rike?" She was still sat there in utter shock when she felt a hand on her shoulder and heard her name spoken in a soft, compassionate tone. She looked up to see Jorge slipping into the seat beside her, and she just frowned.

Figuring out how to summarise what Rogg had told her was harder than she had expected. So she didn't try, other than to give the basic outline of the situation. Bad. "It's not looking good for him Jorge. Can you take Carla to the local store and get some snacks for tonight? I need a few minutes alone. Then we'll go to the hotel and you can head back to New Mexico."

"I'll bring Jon and the girls tomorrow." Jorge said, taking hold of her hand and squeezing it. She was glad he realised how much she actually needed her family. Once upon a time she'd have tried to get through all this alone. Now she could admit that she needed Jon as her support and back-up when things got too much.

"Thanks." She smiled sadly and squeezed Jorge's hand, then approached Simon's bed for the first time. She focused on Carla rather than looking at Simon. "Carla, go with Jorge and get some drinks and snacks for tonight. When you get back we'll be going to the hotel." She knew they both needed to sleep, and she would be able to call Jon.

Carla looked a little sad for a moment, then leant forward and kissed Simon's cheek. "OK. I'll see you later daddy."

As Carla and Jorge left, Erika slipped into the chair beside Simon's bed. She took hold of Simon's hand and frowned, not sure what to do. She couldn't think straight right now, and she wasn't sure what she should do. So she just sat there, holding his hand and hoping that just by being there he would know. She didn't even know how long she'd been there when a timid voice interrupted her. "Captain Hernandez?"

"Yeah?" She asked, looking to the young lieutenant who had sidled beside her.

"I'm Lieutenant Thayer from the field office." He told her with a gentle, sympathetic smile.

"Any relation to Kiona Thayer?" She asked, Thayer was an uncommon enough surname that she thought of Kiona instantly.

The lieutenant smiled and nodded, he was clearly proud to know Kiona. She was going to mention that next time she spoke to Kiona. "She's my cousin. Ma'am I have a message from Admiral Archer."

"Right?" She prompted, hoping he'd get around to telling her soon. She wanted to hear from Jon, even if it wasn't his voice, just knowing he'd sent a message would bolster her flagging spirits.

The lieutenant looked terrified of getting it wrong, but took a breath then continued speaking. "He says 'landed, following tomorrow, call tonight if possible, l-y-a.' Is that right?" She smiled a little at Jon's message, signing off with the shorthand they'd developed during the war. It helped remind her that she wasn't facing this alone.

"Yeah. That's right." She then looked back at her brother and wondered if he and Maria had ever developed that kind of shorthand to use with one another. There were so many things about Simon and Maria she didn't know. She probably wouldn't know most of them now. "Hey, you big oaf. I can't believe you've put me in this situation. You need to start showing improvement, you hear. Carla and Amelia need you." That was the truth. They needed him, and she and Jon couldn't really fill the gap. "Maria died, and they need their daddy." She just sat back and thought about all that was going on now. She knew that the likelihood of him pulling through at all at this point was miniscule. But maybe hearing all the voices of those he loved and who loved him would matter. He surely had the strength to fight through this.


	6. Telling the Truth

**It's time that Erika tells Carla what's really going on.**

**Shin xx**

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><p>She had managed to get Carla settled in her room next door, making sure the latches both sides of their connecting door were caught before she'd come and had a shower, unpacking her bag, which had a few days worth of clothes. It was only then she checked the clock and decided to call Jonathan, just to see how he was doing. She was sat just watching the connecting screen, thinking about everything she would need to organise and being sure she wasn't in the position to do it, until the screen changed and there was Jon's face, looking as worried as she felt. "Hey. I needed to see your face right now." She let a breath out and tried to smile, it was a relief seeing Jon's face on the screen. It had been a little over 24 hours since she'd seen him, and it seemed too long in the current situation.<p>

"How are you holding up?" He asked, studying her intensely. Normally she'd be annoyed by his worrying, but not today. It felt nice for someone to be worrying about her and not just assuming that she was OK and that she was able to handle all of this.

His question was also phrased well. She didn't need to say that this was hard or that she was feeling crappy, she could just tell him the truth, that she wasn't holding up well at all. In fact, it was the opposite of well. "Badly." She admitted after a minute.

She was grateful he just nodded, his sympathetic face open, but she didn't know what else to say. After a second of silence he clearly realised that she was alone in her room. "Where's Carla?"

Her niece was old enough now to deserve a little privacy on trips, even if she worried how Carla was doing. Her last check had shown her sound asleep, and that was definitely the more important thing. "I got two rooms, connected of course. She was asleep last time I checked on her." She then noticed that he wasn't connected to their daughter as he normally was. Hopefully that meant the baby was actually asleep. "Is Rena OK?"

"She's taking up the entire bed in the guest room, look at this." He turned and tilted the screen to where Serena was completely sacked out laid diagonally in the middle of the bed. If they left her alone on their bed in San Francisco that was how Serena ended up too. It seemed to be the natural position in which she slept.

"I miss you both." She muttered after a second, wishing that they were back in their apartment in San Francisco rather than out here doing this. She hated that they were here and why they were here. She just wanted to be at home with her family.

Jon clearly knew what she was thinking, they'd always been good at that, and there had been no proof they needed to be together for that. He frowned too, and they were both aware what they were doing. "We'll see you in the morning." He whispered, and she nodded. Holding that in her mind for a second. After she was more prepared he looked up and she knew what was coming, and she still didn't know if she was ready to answer it. "So, what's going on?"

"He's not gonna make it Jon." She muttered as dispassionately and disconnected as she could. She couldn't admit to herself that she was talking about her brother. She was finding it easier, in this moment, to act as if he was a member of her crew and it was back during the war. "The doctor gave him only a 10 percent chance." There wasn't a question about why she was feeling like that, at least not in her mind. She knew that it was her coping mechanism.

"How did Carla take it?" He asked, and the concern she felt for her elder niece resurfaced. She know that Carla was not only old enough to know, but old enough to understand. She had wanted to give her one more night where their life still had some semblance of normalcy, however small it was.

"I haven't told her yet. I wanted to give her one more night." She defended, but Jon was already nodding in understanding, and she realised he knew better than she did how they would be dealing with this. He was twelve when Henry Archer died. Hopefully that had meant he'd known how to help Amelia. "How is Mela?"

"She's coping. We were watching films all afternoon." He smiled, and she was sure that Amelia had had first pick of all the films. Jon wouldn't have even complained either, he adored kids films, and Amelia and Serena were the perfect excuses for him to watch them. "Bunny likes Smurfs." He laughed a second later, and she just found herself shaking her head.

"You showed our eleven month old the Smurfs?" She asked with a smile, not entirely appropriate watching for her. Such a tiny little thing. But if it helped Amelia then it was probably worth it.

Jon shrugged and laughed a little, and she was glad of this moment of domestic amusement in among all the sadness and pain that was going through her family right now. "In my defence, she is too young to understand it."

That was not fair. She couldn't believe he'd shown Serena Smurfs and complained when she'd watched Harry Potter while Serena was asleep. She had only watched the first two films as well, not even the scary and terrible ones. "That is not a great defence my love."

"Well. I tried." He shrugged then thought, "I guess they reminded her of Shran." He finished, and that would make sense. For a baby, Serena had spent a remarkably large amount of time with aliens. Soval and Shran being regulars at their apartment when they were on Earth. Serena adored Shran, and Soval was one of the best babysitters there were around. So maybe the all blue Smurfs did indeed remind Serena of her alien godfather, that would actually be sweet.

"That would explain a lot." She grinned, then realised that it was time she thought about the morning again. She needed some sleep, and if she had her way she'd do what they'd done on hard days during the war and just stay on the comm all night. "You're coming out here in the morning?"

Jon just nodded and looked back to the bed, and Erika wondered if their conversation was beginning to wake their daughter, the last thing she wanted right now. Apparently after a few seconds Jon was satisfied and he turned back to the screen. "Jorge is picking me and these girls up at 8, we should be there around 10."

She had to admit the relief she felt knowing they would all be together in a few hours. She would probably manage to sleep, and sleep better, remembering that. "Good, because I don't think I could face another day here alone." She was going to be honest about that, because Jon needed to know. He'd needed to know when she couldn't be alone after the Orions kidnapped her, and he'd needed to know during the war when she'd been at her lowest. This was worse than all of that put together.

Jon looked at her thoughtfully for a moment, and she wondered what was going on in that mind of his. "Do you want me to start putting things in motion for if we have to bring the girls back to San Francisco?"

That was a good question. Did she. It was likely the girls would be coming with them at least for a little while, and there was no way the five of them could fit in their tiny apartment, even temporarily. It was squished with just the three of them. They had been looking to move, this just made it a little more urgent they find somewhere. Luckily they had two friends and a puppy back in San Francisco who could help. "It might be an idea. Use Hoshi, Porthos and Veronica."

"I was going to. It's late though I'll call them both once we get there tomorrow." She didn't blame him for not wanting to wake anyone up. That was when she heard a telltale whimper, and Jon turned away, clearly to pick Serena up and have her join the conversation. "Hey, Bunny. Say night to mommy." Erika couldn't help but grin as Serena reached out and tried to grab her hair through the screen. Apparently Serena hadn't quite grasped the logic of communication yet.

"Nos da gariad, ac ydych yn caru." She picked her favourite goodnight language, a routine that had developed during the war, and that she now used on Serena every night before sleep so that she got used to hearing other languages. They would be important in her life. She didn't want Jon to feel left out, so adding him had been only polite.

Jon's face split into a smile, and her mind shot back to the day she'd tried to teach him Welsh, back on the NX programme. He looked so proud of himself, and she couldn't help but laugh, knowing what he'd say. "I recognise that one now, you know."

"It's my favourite I can't help it. The word for child is literally plant." She grinned and shook her head. Some languages just became favourites when you dealt with them all the time.

Jon joined her in smiling for a second then looked at her with a slightly worried look. "I love you, Rike." He said softly, and she smiled sadly. They were both feeling the need to reaffirm how they felt right now. She took hold of her wedding pendant again and sighed softly.

"I know, love you too." She rarely reciprocated when he said things like that, but this time she couldn't think of a single smart comment. Instead she just motioned to Serena and smiled again, the baby the one bright spot right now.. "Kiss her for me."

"She's keeping me company in bed tonight, since her mommy won't be here." Jon said, then blew a kiss at the screen. She cut the call and got under the blanket. She laid in bed and tried to sleep, tried to do anything but dwell on everything that was happening, but she didn't succeed. She was purely staring at the ceiling when she heard the internal door open, and she rolled over far enough that she could see her niece come through.

"Aunty E?" Came a quivering call, and Erika knew she couldn't pretend to be asleep. Her niece needed to know what was happening, so she could be prepared. That was going to be the most important thing right now. She had to balance her instinct to protect with her logical knowledge that she needed to know.

So she sat up and motioned to the door, letting the fifteen year old through. "Come through Cammie."

"You haven't called me that since I was little." Carla smiled sadly and sat on the edge of her bed, and brought her knees up to her chin so she could rest them on her.

It had been a long time since anyone had called her Cammie, but Erika knew that these young nicknames could be important in later life, at least hers had been. "I feel like it's time I brought it back."

"Dad's really sick, isn't he?" Carla asked after a short silence, and Erika was back to debating. How much did she say, how much didn't she say. She knew what Carla wanted to hear. She wanted to hear that he was going to be fine and healthy. But Erika couldn't say that, because it wasn't true.

So she took a breath and prepared herself for the fallout. "Yeah, he is."

"Is he ever going to get better?" Carla's voice broke on the last word, and it hurt Erika more to be having to tell her niece this news. She didn't want it to be so terrible, she didn't want to be having this conversation.

But she'd started now. "It-" She faltered, and reached out for Carla's hand, just so she had something physical to hold as she thought about what was going to happen next, she was getting ahead of herself, she needed to deal with facts. "It doesn't look good."

"What did they say?" Calm, collected. Carla was keeping it together better than Erika right now. There was so much that she needed to do that she couldn't do. This wasn't fair on any of them.

"The doctor gave him 10 percent survival." She hated that statistic, and she hated that it meant there was a 90% chance he was going to die. They would need to wait and see. "His tests are showing minimal brain activity. They'll re-run it on Tuesday."

Carla nodded, slowly digesting and thinking about what Erika was saying, and Erika found herself once again amazed by how clever Carla actually was. "Then what?" She asked after a while, and Erika had to think, what would happen. It would depend.

"Then, depending on the outcome, you and I will have to talk about what is best for him." She knew Simon, and she knew he wasn't one to want to live on machines when there was no hope for recovery. She was sure Carla would know that too, but she wasn't impartial in this situation.

"Jon too?" She asked after a second, and Erika just shook her head.

"No, just us." It was almost a foregone conclusion that she'd talk about it with Jon, but Jon wasn't going to be the one making that decision. That needed to be Simon's family, and that meant Carla. "Mela's too young to understand. So we make the choice." She finished, and there were just nods and sounds of agreement. They would choose.

After another few moments, Carla looked serious and then childlike, all within the space of a few seconds, and she asked one last question. "Can I sleep in here tonight?"

"Sure, come on." She held the blanket up for Carla to climb under with her. It was comforting in a way that her so-grown-up niece still needed her aunt to help her through all of this, because Erika was going to need her niece to get through it. Family was more important than ever right now. Jon was also right, they needed a plan for if things didn't go for the best, and he was the best to be arranging that.


	7. Reunited

**Another trip to Albuquerque and the family all reunites. - Since I forgot to update, have two chapters tonight. I'm feeling generous.**

**Shin xx**

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><p>Jon had managed to get Serena and Amelia both up and dressed before their ride had arrived. He'd mentally thanked Marta for packing a bag for Amelia, something he was already certain he couldn't have done. Then both girls had been almost silent as the two adults had tried to formulate a plan. Now they were pulling up outside the hotel Erika had managed to find around the corner from the hospital and he knew that this was going to be a difficult day for all of them. He smiled as he looked out of the window and saw Erika was waiting for them, and he was happier that she looked far better rested than the night before. "Come on." She shouted the minute the door was open.<p>

"Aunty Rike!" Amelia shouted and darted out of the hovercar, running into Erika's arms. Jon took Amelia's backpack and held it out so Erika could take it where she was crouched. The position definitely being better for her to not fall over at the strength Amelia was holding.

After a few minutes Erika pulled back and handed her the backpack. "Hey Mela. Go see Carla, room 345." Apparently, the ten year old didn't need telling twice, and she was already taking off into the hotel by the time Erika had stood up enough to kiss Serena on the cheek.

"I'll take the kids up." Came a voice behind him, taking the remaining bag he held and Serena all at once, and he had never been more grateful for Erika's cousin to be there helping them. They were both aware they needed it right now.

Once Jorge had gone into the hotel Jon just tugged Erika against his chest and held her tightly, something he'd been thinking about and wanting to do since she left. He knew that they had needed to come into this together, but that she had needed to be on the ground. Knowing that someone he considered a friend was gone from a freak accident was making him want to hold onto Erika and Serena a little tighter. "I missed you."

"Me too." She replied after a second then stood up onto her tiptoes and kissed him hard. While she wasn't normally one for public displays, he was glad she had broken her own rule this time. He kissed her back then once again wrapped his arms around her, needing to keep her held tight. "I'm so glad you're here Jon I can't do this alone." She muttered eventually, and he had to disagree, he was absolutely certain she could do this. She maybe didn't want to, she definitely didn't need to, but she could have done if she'd been pushed to it.

"You could, you just don't want to." He smiled, pulling back a little, wanting to inject a little bit of light and humour into the conversation. This was hard enough as it was without them being too serious. They had reunited, they'd said the things they'd needed to say. Now they needed to get on with the matters at hand.

As she pulled back she wiped her eyes, and he was sure she had needed him to break the tension as much as he'd needed to do it. "I fail to see the distinction right now."

"You don't need to right now. It's there." He reassured her then wrapped his arms round her shoulders and started leading her into the hotel slowly. "When are you planning on heading to the hospital?" He asked, wondering if she was going to go straight away or if he'd have five minutes to adjust to this new situation.

"As soon as we're all sorted here." Erika had probably been fighting the desire to go all morning. Carla probably had been to. He needed to get some things before he joined them, and he was certain that a baby wasn't going to be easily welcomed into intensive care. So he'd do what he needed to get done, and maybe get Serena to sleep. Almost as if she was reading his mind Erika commented on Serena's sleeping arrangements. "There is a crib in our room for Bunny."

"How did you sleep last night?" He had worried for most of the night while he'd been awake that Erika hadn't been able to sleep. She'd looked so tired when they'd been talking, and he knew that she would punish herself if she needed to do so. Nothing he or anyone else said ever changed that.

Instead though she shrugged, and he had to admit she looked rested. Maybe not well-rested, but she looked better. "Not terribly, Carla ended up in my bed." That news didn't surprise him either given that Amelia had ended up in his.

Probably Carla needed her aunts help understanding everything that was going on right now, and everything that they needed to do. He was sure that it would have meant that Erika had finally told Carla what was going on with Simon. "You told her then?"

She nodded, and he felt sad for a few minutes, it was awful that they were having to put a lot of this decision on a 16-year-old. "Yeah, about half an hour after I got off with you." Erika snuggled into his side for a second then sighed, and he felt her shoulders drop. He had to wonder how much that took out of her. "I suppose we should go make sure Serena's not trashing the place." She commented, and he had to admit their daughter had a habit of being able to trash even the tidiest of rooms.

"She'll try." He shook his head as he reached forward and pressed the contact for the lift, hoping that they would be able to prevent too much chaos. "It's amazing that a baby who can't even crawl yet can cause as much havoc as she can." He grinned and tried not to think about the mess he'd left for when they got back to the house in a few days. But clothes or cleaning had been the choice.

Erika just looked up at him seriously for a second then smirked, and he was sure this was going to be the results of a conversation with his mother. "She gets that from you."

"Probably." He didn't know all that many stories from when he was Serena's age, but an ability to cause chaos would definitely fit in with his current personality. "I am pretty talented."

They reached the room and Erika just stepped onto her tiptoes and kissed his cheek before opening the door, and while the room wasn't chaos, Serena was letting her displeasure be known from the playpen-crib apparatus she'd been put in while Carla, Amelia and Jorge were all just clearly trying to sort out the mess Serena had made in the meantime. "Are you going to stay here while we go to the hospital?" Erika asked as she picked Serena up, immediately silencing her cries.

Jon just went about helping the others, letting Erika have a moment with their daughter. He was certain last night had been the first night apart Erika had spent since they'd brought Serena home ten-months earlier. When he'd finally put things together and sat down, just to have Amelia jump into his lap, he started talking about what he was going to do. "I'm gonna put Bunny down for a nap then call Veronica and Hoshi."

"Mela, off." Erika said a second later, then put Serena in his arms, clearly having decided that the room was organised enough for her right now to do what she needed to do. "Unpack the bags too." She asked, and he just nodded. She was preparing for a stay here, but Jon wasn't entirely sure that would be necessary.

There was no point arguing that, and he'd just do as she asked. "Sure." He then turned to Jorge who had finished dragging Serena's things up. How did such a tiny person have so many things? It didn't really matter, Jorge had gone out of his way to make sure they were all sorted and settled. "Thanks for bringing us out here Jorge."

"No problem." Jorge stopped, and Jon recognised the concern and worry for someone who was close, but not knowing what to do. Jon was going to be here and he didn't know how to help. These women were all Hernandez's, and he was intruding a little. Even the tiniest person in the room was a Hernandez at heart, even if she did have the surname. Clearly after a few more seconds Jorge figured out what he could say, what he could ask, before heading back to Tatum. "Call us when you know anything, or if you need me to come and collect everyone?"

"Will do." He shouted after Jorge as he answered, then finally gave his eldest niece a hug. Carla had been the first baby he'd ever held, and they'd always had a bond. He hated that she was in such an awful place right now and he couldn't do much to help. After one last squeeze Carla started talking Amelia out the door, explaining what was going on.

Erika looked more than a little nervous, so he pulled her into his arms and held both of his girls for a second. "I'll see you soon, right?" She asked quietly, and he kissed her gently. She was too worried right now.

"Serena and I will catch up to you when we're done." He smiled and kissed his wife just once more, already missing her the moment she stepped through the door. He hoped this overprotective mode he was in all of a sudden ended soon, because it was getting quite inconvenient. Almost as soon as Erika had left with Amelia and Carla he started on the things he needed to get done. There were only two people in the galaxy he would voluntarily sing to, and both of them were his immediate family. He and Erika had always sung together, and singing had been an important part of their joint post-war recovery. That had meant Serena had gotten used to them singing her to sleep,

As soon as he'd managed to get her to sleep he unpacked and, finally, sat down in front of the comm terminal and typed in Hoshi's number. He wasn't surprised when he was transferred to her office at Starfleet Academy, he'd almost completely forgotten that it was Monday, and everyone would be back at work. "Jon. How is it?"

"Hey Jonathan." Came another voice, and Jon was glad to see Veronica's head pop up beside Hoshi. He didn't remember when those two had become friends, but right now it was definitely working to his advantage.

"You're both there." He stated, and while Hoshi rolled her eyes Veronica patted the table, and a second later his trusty companion, Porthos, joined them on the screen.

Veronica smirked, and Jon knew he wasn't going to live this down. Not for a long, long time. "Porthos is here too."

"That's better than I hoped." He smiled about the fact the two of them were together, he's only have to make this call once. "It's worse than we thought. Erika's sister-in-law died in the accident. Her brother is in intensive care, but the likelihood of him pulling through is miniscule."

Hoshi was the first one to respond, and her response was a very unflattering frown and an angrily hissed. "That's horrible."

"Do you need us out there?" Veronica asked, and Jon had to think for a few minutes. Did they need them out there. No. They didn't. It might be nice to have backup but right now they needed their friends in San Francisco. That was where they were going to matter the most for the moment.

"No, there's nothing you can really do and I think more people will just put Erika more on edge than she already is." He had to admit, Erika's stress levels were high, very high, and he didn't want to add to that. He definitely made the right choice. "We do need a favour from you both."

"Oh?" was chorused, and he was impressed at how quickly they had realised they were getting the same point.

"I sent a file to Hoshi just now. It's how much Erika and I have saved for an apartment. It should be plenty. We need you to find us somewhere that we can move into as soon as possible."

"As near Starfleet as possible?" Hoshi asked, and Jon thought about it. They needed to be close, but he didn't want to be too close. They could always travel further if it was needed.

"Yeah, 4 or 5 bedrooms." He knew they'd need one for Serena, one each for the girls and one for them. The last bedroom was just in case, or they could use it as his mothers room. "The likelihood is that we're going to be having Amelia and Carla coming and staying with us for the foreseeable future, so this just became a priority."

Veronica nodded, scribbling down the information on whatever they had spare. She hoped it wasn't worth anything. "We'll do it."

"Give Erika and the girls all our love." Hoshi's parting words reminded him that no matter what they did they were going to need help. As he was getting ready to have a shower, Serena start squirming on the bed and he was surprised to see the little one wide awake.

"Hey, you haven't been asleep very long. Are you worried about mommy too, huh? We'll go sit and wait for them at the hospital. That feels best." He slipped the code back into his pocket and picked his daughter up. He was hopeful that having him and Serena back with her would help Erika feel more in control, not that he didn't understand why she felt lost at sea. He was fairly certain they all felt that way right now. It was hard to know that they would know within twenty four hours if Simon was ever going to wake up.


	8. ICU

**A little vigil, and Erika needs some support.**

**Shin xx**

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><p>Jon had been sitting in the reception area outside of Intensive Care for a couple of hours, mostly trying to make sure that Serena didn't get in the way. After half an hour the nurses had moved him to the corner and laid a blanket out so that Serena could lay on the floor and play with the toys he'd brought. It had been thoughtful of them, and he was glad that at least his daughter could have fun right now. It wasn't a pleasant position for the baby, he was sure, having been taken completely out of her usual routine. After two hours Amelia had come to join him, and had ended up laid on the blanket playing with Serena again. Half an hour after that Carla had come out to join them. "Hey, Carla, can you mind Bunny and Mela a minute?" He asked, realising that he needed to try and rescue his wife from her own mind. Carla was plenty old enough to look after Serena and Amelia in a hospital where they would be supervised almost everywhere they'd go.<p>

She nodded and leant forward, picking Serena up. Just in time to save Amelia, who Jon was sure was about to get the toy to the side of her head, and Jon was already sure that that would be more painful than it looked. "Sure, how about we go get ice-cream? Is Rena good with that?"

"Get her some fruit and she'll be fine." He was proud that Carla had realised that Serena might not be able to eat ice-cream yet. While he was sure that Serena would happily eat it, he didn't have any intention of getting into it with Erika again over what Serena was snacking on, especially not right now. They needed to be in this together, fighting wasn't going to help any of them.

"OK." Carla stood up, and after a second looked back at him seriously. He realised that she might be worried about what he was going to do, so he cut her off before she could ask. He hadn't gotten to spend ten minutes alone with Erika, and he was sure she needed him right now more than he could have possibly guessed.

That was a problem that had both had over the years, and they still didn't really know how to ask each other for support when they needed it. Now they both had to guess based on the clues the other gave. Right now, he didn't need to guess. He knew Erika needed him. "I think your aunt Erika needs some support for a moment."

"Yeah, you might be right." Carla smiled after a second, and he just nodded. He watched as the girls started heading to the lift, their whole group looking smaller and more adult than they had last time he'd been here. He was about to go into the ICU when he heard Carla's voice from behind him. "Uncle Jon?"

"Yeah?" He responded, spinning back on his heels to face her. There were so many things about this situation he couldn't really answer, and he hated that. He also knew that the girls and Erika were both still going to ask him as often as they could.

Carla looked at him seriously for a minute, and he was still surprised by how like Erika she looked, especially when she was trying to get him to answer something. "Do you think we're gonna be OK?"

That was one of the questions he couldn't answer. He didn't have a clue. They would plan, they would prepare. But if they'd succeed he didn't know. He didn't even know if they were all ready to be plotting and planning. He'd fight to make sure that they were OK. "I don't know, Cammie. We'll figure it out, all of us." There were five of them right now, and they mattered. All five of them would need to be involved in this. Even the baby would need to be taken into account.

"We'll be in the cafeteria" The answer at least seemed to be enough for Carla, even if it wasn't what she had wanted to hear nor what he truly thought was going to be the best for any of them.

He finally walked into the ICU, and it was easy to find where Erika was hidden away in a corner, holding her brothers' hand and ignoring everything else around. He walked up behind her and rested a hand on her shoulder, just as he had for all those nights where it had been Serena's bed they were holding a vigil beside. She reached up with her free hand and took hold of his. They stood like that or a minute before she looked away from Simon and focused on him. "Where are the kids?"

"Carla took them to the cafeteria for ice-cream." He crouched down next to Erika and kissed her cheek on the way. He then just held her hand clasped in his until he was happy and ready to continue. He wanted to try and keep it light. "Don't worry, I told her to get Bunny fruit." Erika smiled then went back to looking at Simon.

"How did this happen Jonathan?" She asked, and while he knew she didn't expect an answer he still tried to think of one. Purely because he wanted to be able to tell her something, anything, to make this better. He was fairly sure nothing he said would achieve that though.

So instead he just threaded her fingers with his and tried to smile a little. the only comment he could think of coming to mind. "Bad luck and bad timing, Rike." He really did smile at her watery chuckle, and he hoped that would cheer her up a little.

He was trying to think of something else to say when he became aware of someone coming toward them. He stood up fully, still keeping hold of Erika's hand. The immediate reaction caused by so many years of being at war was maybe not so understandable to anyone else who hadn't live those years the way they had. "Captain Hernandez. Oh, can I help you?" The man stopped in his tracks, and Jon figured out he was probably one of the doctors treating Simon.

"I'm Erika's husband, Jonathan Archer." He said it as neutrally and calmly as he could. It was sometimes awkward when he greeted people outside of Starfleet. They were never sure if he was that Jonathan Archer. Which led to some hilarious exchanges. That was when Erika squeezed his hand and pulled Jon's attention away from the newcomer.

"This is Dr. Rogg, Simon's consultant neurologist." Maybe she'd felt him stiffen, or maybe she'd just known that sneaking up on him was never a good idea, even if they were doing it for the best of intentions. "Did you come to say something doctor?"

"We need to get your permission to begin running the next set of tests." He looked a little nervous to even be asking this, which made Jon wonder what Erika had done to these doctors before he'd arrived. Probably more than he actually wanted to know.

"What will these ones do?" She asked, and Jon had to wonder too. He thought that the doctors must have given up on Simon making any sort of recovery, so why would they need to run more tests.

Rogg looked between the two of them then down at Simon, clearly hoping that he was doing the right thing for his unconscious patient. Jon had seen Phlox do similar things over the years they'd worked together. "First we'll do a response test, where we check reflexes, knees, arms and cornea. Depending on the results of that we do a breath test. We disconnect his ventilator for one minute and see if he tries to breathe. Then, finally, we do a scan for if there is brain activity."

"You're not expecting to find any, are you?" Erika asked in a sad, defeated tone that broke Jon's heart a little just to hear. He'd never heard her sound so defeated.

Rogg, clearly, believed that knowledge was best for the patients, and their families. "Given that your brother hasn't so much as twitched since Saturday night, and he isn't breathing over the vent, no. I'm not."

Erika, he knew, would run over all the worst case scenarios in her mind, and he knew she'd want all the ideas and possibilities to be accessible."What will our options be?"

"We should wait until the results of the tests." Rogg, thankfully wasn't having any of Erika's pessimism, and instead just turned away. while Erika didn't need to know about anything that might kill her hope, he did need to know, so he could start putting plans into action.

"I'll be back in a second." He kissed the hand he'd held and chased after the doctor, not really caring if he hated the nickname or not. "Doc."

"Yes?"

He stopped and hoped that the doctor would understand the seriousness of what was going on all around them. He needed to know. He needed to be the first one to tell the girls anything. "I know you don't want to give false hope or end hope, but I think Erika needs to know, and I know Simon's girls will need to know what happens next."

Rogg looked confused for a moment, then said an obvious statement. "If we get positive results from the test we keep treating."

"And if you don't?" He asked, just trying to understand what that meant.

"Then we'll have to look at quality of life considerations." Rogg said, and that worried Jon even more. He wasn't sure what that would mean. Rogg clearly understood Jon's fears and worries, as he patted Jon's arm. "Captain Hernandez and your family may need to make a very difficult decision in the next twenty-four to forty-eight hours."

That was what he'd been afraid of, and he wasn't sure how they would make the decision. "Thanks."

"What were you talking about?" She asked as he slid back up beside her silently. She looked back at Simon and frowned, he couldn't really blame her. Simon was in a horrible situation, and once again he was glad he was an only child. He'd never have to face what Erika was facing now.

"I was getting a little more information. We should go collect the kids and get some proper dinner before Mela eats her weight in ice-cream. We'll talk tonight." Jon held Erika's hand as she kissed her brother on the cheek then he started leading her out of the unit. He knew that this was the most worried Erika had ever been for her brother, and maybe Rogg had been right, but he still knew that they needed all the options. Maybe when they were in a less clinical environment it would be easier for them to talk about things that needed to be talked about. Carla and Erika would need to make this decision, he just hated that it needed to be made at all.


	9. Through the Night

**Erika tries to sleep, but can't stop thinking.**

**Shin xx**

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><p>She had been tossing and turning for hours, and she wasn't really sure why. She'd been exhausted when she'd got back from the hospital and their dinner out, but instead of sleeping then she'd put her energy into convincing Serena that being clean was a necessary part of bed-time, then getting her to sleep. It had seemed like Amelia and Carla had both fallen asleep easily, which was important to her too. It was only then she and Jon had climbed into bed, and Jon had wrapped his arms around her. It was god-only-knew how long after that, and she was still wide awake, and she just wanted to talk, but really caring about waking Jon up had so far prevented her from it. "Are you awake?"<p>

He made a sleepy sound and stretched out. Just as she assumed he'd fallen back to sleep he wrapped his arms around her and made it obvious he wanted to hold her tightly. Right now she wasn't going to complain at that. "If you need me to be." He mumbled then kissed her shoulder.

"I can't sleep." She admitted, slipping down slightly so that she was more comfortable. She took the movement as a cover to take hold of his hand on to thread her fingers with his. This situation had just succeeded in reminding her that she wasn't alone, and that she didn't know how she'd make it without Jon.

"Rike-" He started, but she wasn't about to let him talk her off her stride. She needed to talk about what was lodged there in her mind, because otherwise they were going to keep eating at her. She hated that, but she also knew it was the truth.

Her mind, unfortunately, wasn't at all on a happy topic. It was actually fairly morbid, but she wasn't sorry or ashamed of that. "I keep thinking about the tests they were doing on Simon, we all know what they are going to say."

"Erika. You don't kno-" He started again, and while she knew logically he was right, she didn't want to let that seed lodge in her mind. Not right now, so she cut him off and continued talking about the problems and issues she had right now. She rolled over so she was facing him, likely not that necessary in the dark hotel room, but she still felt the need to do it.

"Jonathan, you know as well as I do the likelihood of him pulling through this is negligible." They had both heard the doctor, though Jon thought he'd managed to protect her from that problem. She knew what they had said, she didn't need them to tell her in explicit terms. She knew, and there were other things she needed to think about, things that weren't just her emotions. "I need to think about what he'd want."

Jon sighed and finally adjusted his position on the bed to make it more comfortable for both of them. "Do you know what he'd want?" he asked eventually, and that made her think, did she? She did. It was a conversation they'd had at her mothers' funeral a few months earlier. Given that they had the same thoughts on life after serious injury she knew exactly what he'd want.

"Yes, It's strange. He and I spoke about exactly this six months ago when mom died." She was sure Jon would remember the funeral. It had been an emotional day for all of them. Lita Hernandez had been ill for years, dementia had stolen her away long before her body had given up. But that was why they'd spoken about life after a catastrophic injury. They'd both said that living on a machine was not an acceptable solution. "He said if there was no hope for recovery that he didn't want to be a head in the bed. That was his exact phrase. Head in the bed."

"So you know what you want to do?" He commented, and while she knew his word choice was purely because he was almost completely asleep, it still annoyed her more than she would have expected.

"I don't want to do it, Jon. I don't want to do any of this. I want to go hide in a cave with you and Bunny and pretend all this bad stuff left us alone." That was seeming like an increasingly more acceptable outcome of what the universe was pushing her toward. After the war she had just assumed that they had lost all those they were going to lose, but the universe kept piling her on. "Didn't we sacrifice enough in the war. Did the universe really have to steal my brother away from me too?"

Jon stopped that line of thought where it was, placing a delicate kiss on her lips and snuggling her closer to him. "The universe likes to watch us suffer, don't let it win, Rike. We have two girls who are going to depend on us now more than ever."

She agreed, the girls were going to depend on them now. She wondered what Jon would do if it was her laid on that bed. Would his decision and his advice be different? Would he fight for her, or would he accept that things were as they'd been told. "What would you do, if I was where Simon is?"

"Erika, please-" Jon was almost begging, but she wasn't sure why. Was it the topic of conversation, or was it that he wanted to go back to sleep. It wasn't going to stop her, because she was thinking now.

"No. I want to-" She tried to press the point, but once again Jon derailed her with a gently kiss, this time it was accompanied by a frown, and she realised she'd pushed it too far.

"I know you do, and honestly I don't think I could let you go no matter how dire the circumstances. But I would also take your feelings into account." She nodded, understanding what he meant. He wouldn't keep her alive just because it would hurt him to say goodbye. That was what she needed to think about. She was about to agree when Jon started speaking again, and she found herself listening in spite of herself. "Erika I have been in love with you since I was 28 years old, and the idea of living without you is one that I don't want to consider. Let's face what is in front of us right now rather than making everything worse for ourselves."

She couldn't hold her tears back any longer, and buried her head into Jon's welcome chest. There was really nobody else she could image getting her through this situation, and she felt such a sudden swell of love and joy for this man she had to say something, even if she was usually the last person to say it. "I love you so much."

"I know." He replied, then kissed the top of her head. She broke down into tears but started feeling better. She drifted off to sleep and managed to get an almost a solid six hours of sleep. Something she hadn't done in a very long time. When the morning dawned she was actually ready to face the world. She was sure that feeling of positivity wouldn't actually last that long.

It was only half an hour after she finally got out of bed and got ready that Carla and Amelia opened the door through to their room and came in. Both obviously ready for the day. "Ready to go?" Carla asked as she came through, being overtaken by Amelia who sat down on the floor to play with Serena.

Amelia, while she was ready to play with Serena, clearly was still thinking ahead to the day too. There was a lot they needed to plan and do. "Where is Jon going today?" She asked, at almost the exact moment Jon came through from the bedroom. Erika was just happy that he was there to answer the question himself.

"I'm coming to the hospital." It was obvious that Amelia was confused as she went to looking at Serena, who was trying to eat all of her toy books. "I spoke to a nurse yesterday who has arranged for Serena to be in daycare there today." That had been one of the better pieces of news they'd managed to get out of the day before. Serena would have somewhere safe to go.

"OK then." Amelia clearly agreed then stood up, obviously assuming it was time for them to go. Erika herself had already decided that before they got to the hospital they were going to need to take a break and talk about Simon's current position. now was clearly that time.

"Girls, we need to talk before we set off."

"What?" Carla snapped. Erika wasn't sure why she was snappy, then she remembered they had spend much of the night unable to sleep. So she was willing to give her a little more leeway than she normally would.

"Sit down. You know I spoke to the doctor yesterday?"

"Yeah?" Both girls nodded, making this a lot easier than she had expected.

"He and his team were running their final tests today, and when we arrive we'll know whether your dad will ever get better." She was already pretty sure the choices they were going to be given, but she wasn't ready to tell Carla they were the only choices they would have to pick between. "When we know the results of the tests we're going to have to talk about what to do."

"We have to make daddy better." Amelia shouted, clearly not follow the gist of the situation.

"That might not be possible Mela. That's what we'll learn today." She tried to explain it as calmly as she could, but it was clear that Amelia wasn't ready to listen to that. She just wanted her daddy to be OK. Erika couldn't blame her, she wanted their daddy to be OK too. Amelia jumped off and ran back through the bedroom door, making everyone in the room jump.

Jon stood up and kissed Erika's cheek before running to the door. "I'll go get her." He called back, giving her a serious look. She was sure that this wasn't the easiest situation he'd been in, despite the war and all there was around that, she was sure this was harder.

Carla, however, sat in her seat and looked like she was trying to solve a particularly difficult maths problem. It would probably have been similar to the face she would have pulled at 16 in the same situation. "So, we have to decide if dad will live?"

"Yeah, I know what your dad would want. We spoke about it after our dad died, and again when your abuela died a few months ago." It was important they know what Simon would want, but it wasn't the only important thing. They needed to make the decision together, as a family. "But we need to make any choice together. There is still a chance he'll be OK. Let's focus on that."

Carla just nodded, clearly agreeing with her aunt, something Erika was grateful for. "OK. We should go find Mela and Uncle Jon."

"Yeah. Come on Bunny, you have a whole host of adults to terrorise today." She spoke to her daughter as she picked her out of the playpen. Hopefully Serena would never face the decision that she and Carla were facing today, right now that was all she hoped for her daughter. There was too much else in the universe for them to worry about, and it was a small comfort that whatever decision they made today it had already happened. She wasn't ready for it, but she knew that it would have to be done.


	10. News and Decisions

**The worst news possible comes through. Good luck to the lovely Amelia Elizabeth, it's now election day! **

**Shin xx**

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><p>The news hadn't been as good as she'd wanted it to be, and the doctors had shown her all the information, all the results. They were conclusive in the worst way. They were telling her that her brother was dead, and everything in the ICU was just a shell. At least they had the decency to look contrite and sorry for his family. They had known all along, but the hope had sustained them through several days. "Captain, there is nothing more we can do. I'm sorry." Doctor Rogg said, then walked away, leaving her alone. Carla was getting the results from another doctor, and she didn't want to interrupt that. So she just sat in the waiting room until she saw Jon.<p>

"Alright, I need to talk with Carla." That was when she realised that Amelia wasn't with him. She had gone to help him settle Serena in, and was then supposed to have come back. She had been pretty shaken up and upset when they left the hotel. "Where's Amelia?"

"She wanted to stay in daycare with Bunny." Amelia had really bonded with their baby, which made Erika a little happier, as it meant there was something keeping Amelia's mind off all the negatives. "Considering she was still upset and they were happy to take her I thought it might be the best idea. Not good news?" Jon asked, and all she could do was shake her head and search for the right words.

"No, it was what we were expecting." Eventually that was all she could think of to say. "Can you go and sit with Simon while Cammie and I talk?" She didn't want her brother to be alone at all in what were possibly his last hours, and while he and Jon had never seen entirely eye-to-eye Erika knew the two men had respected each other.

"Of course," he agreed, then stopped her from walking away at all with a gentle hand on her shoulder. "Erika."

"Yeah?" She asked, wondering what he could have decided was so important he needed to stop her searching out Carla's room and all that they had talked about in there.

"Don't forget I love you." He muttered, and leant down to press his forehead against hers. She took a moment to just stand with Jonathan. She knew today was going to be hard for all of them, especially given that they knew now. His presence was helping her feel better able to handle the situation, if only because he didn't push anything.

The fact that he wanted to remind her that he loved her and she wasn't alone was also helping. "Me too." She finally replied and kissed him gently before stepping away regretfully. If she had the choice she would have escaped with her family and tried to pretend none of this was happening, but that wasn't possible. She just squeezed Jon's hand then turned away, in search of whichever room they had taken Carla to.

Erika didn't take too long to find the room, and she slipped in almost silently. It became pretty obvious that nobody had heard her when Carla asked her next question, one Erika wished hadn't been necessary. "We really have to make the decision?"

"I'm sorry Miss Hernandez, I am, but we will need a decision from Mr. Hernandez's next of kin." The hospital worker who had been assigned to give Carla the news said, and Erika just coughed then moved round the display, sliding onto the bench beside her niece and wrapping an arm around her shoulder.

Clearly the worked had no idea who she was, so Erika held her spare hand up. "That's me, his sister." It maybe wasn't fair that she was his next of kin, especially given that Carla was clearly old enough and mature enough to make this decision. "Carla is his daughter and she has a part to play in this. They've explained what would happen?" She looked to her side, knowing that making this decision as quickly as they could was going to be important.

"Yeah. If we decide to let him go would he be able to be an organ donor?" Carla looked at Erika, then toward the health worker. Erika looked up and noticed that Dr. Rogg had slipped into the room after her.

The two hospital staff looked between each other for a second, then Rogg looked directly at Carla with a sympathetic smile. "I don't see why not, most of his organs are healthy, and would be helpful for people who can't yet get artificial organs." Erika felt Carla's shoulders pick up a little, and she was glad that that was some comfort to her niece. She had to admit, that is what Simon would have wanted. She really wanted Carla to make the decision.

It became clear only a second later that she'd made up her mind. "We should do that, Aunty E."

"Cammie?" She wasn't asking because she disagreed, but because she needed to know that Carla had thought through every eventuality. She would have even asked herself to clarify it if she'd been the one making the decisions. It was a necessary part of this.

The passionate timbre to Carla's voice as she began explaining why she knew what was the correct course of action told Erika all she needed to know. "You said you knew what dad wanted, well so do I. He would want to help people if it was at all possible he could."

"She has a good point." Erika said, then looked to Rogg and his companion. They would have a say on the final decision too. The four of them needed to agree that it was the best course of action. "Does this mean we've made a decision? You know what this means?" There

"I'm not a child, Aunt E." Carla had definitely inherited the attitude from her rather than either of her parents. Neither Simon nor Maria had been quite so skilled at sarcasm. Erika was glad that Carla understood the stakes of what they were deciding. "They showed me the results that all say dad is gone, we should let him go peacefully, helping as many people as he can."

"Like any of us would want to. I agree, for the record." There it was. The decision was made. They had picked how this was going to go, and while she was devastated, she felt slightly relieved too.

Rogg looked between them, and when he clearly didn't see any doubt he picked up his clipboard and nodded at them. "Alright. I'll go and put this in motion. Captain I'll need you to sign the paperwork in a few minutes."

The room emptied suddenly, and Erika and Carla were left alone. Now the decision was made it seemed wrong to be sat here, so as she stood up Carla did too, and Erika shook her head as she realised Carla was already taller than her. Something easy to forget when they were sat down. The silence stretched, and Erika wondered if she should say something, anything, to break it. Just as she was about to Carla started. "I'm going to go and say goodbye to dad. You should see if they'll let you bring Rena down to say goodbye."

That suggestion was a good one. There was not enough pictures of her daughter and brother, and this was the last chance they'd have to take any. All of a sudden that hit her. This was the last chance. "I might just do that." She muttered, and as she did she thought of all the other 'last' things she wanted to do that she'd never be able to. She'd never be able to take Simon around command, or help him prepare for the girls graduating and moving away. Too many things they'd never do.

Carla started walking away, but then she stopped at the door, clearly thinking along the same lines as Erika was. "What does this mean for me and Mela, Aunt E?"

"Don't worry yourself, Cam." They had a plan, they'd always had a plan. Putting it into motion was harder than she'd expected it to be. Jonathan had taken control of that, and she was grateful. With everything else she had to do, organising that would not have been something she could have done. "Your Uncle Jon already has plans in action in case of this. You're always going to have a happy home and a family."

After a second Carla just ran across the room and wrapped her arms around Erika. When she'd been little Carla would do this after a nightmare, and it would take all that Erika had to keep her calm. This time she wasn't sure it was possible. "I'm scared." She mumbled after a few seconds, and Erika knew that was going to be harder to combat, because Carla wasn't the only one.

"I'm scared too." She admitted, but she knew that they weren't alone, and they'd be able to make plans. It might not be what they'd expected, but they would have plans nonetheless. "We'll all work it out together. We'll make the best out of this terrible situation." That was all they could do now. Make the best, and they would be able to.

After another few hiccuping breaths Carla pulled away and gave a watery smile. "Thank you for being here."

"Of course." Erika felt her own smile break through, even if it was a grim, sad smile. They needed to focus on the next couple of hours. "Now, go say goodbye to your dad, I'll go get Mela and Rena." She pushed Carla toward the door and sighed. This was it. She was about to sign the papers and hasten the end. It was for the best, and they could help so many people with what Simon could offer as his final gift, but she still wasn't sure she was ready to say goodbye. That was going to be the hardest part, but she'd do it, she didn't have a choice.


	11. Saying Goodbye

**Jon says goodbye to Simon, and has to ensure that Carla knows she'll be safe. NaNo is coming along fine, so the next fic should be ready at the end of November!**

**Shin xx**

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><p>Jon hated that he couldn't really say more than that he loved her to his wife in this situation, and he hated that really all he could do for any of them was be there and try to be as supportive and calming as was possible. He was glad he'd have a few minutes to say a goodbye to his brother-in-law, as he did have a lot to say. Things that he wouldn't necessarily want Erika or the girls hearing. He settled in the chair next to Simon's bed and laid a hand on the man's arm, just a small gesture of support, even if he was in a place where he could no longer feel it. "Simon you asshole. I can't believe you're putting these girls through this. I know that I married into your family, and that we have never seen eye to eye, but how was this fair?"<p>

It wasn't fair, Jon knew that. It wasn't fair on Simon and Maria, it wasn't fair on Erika and the girls. This was just going to cause pain to the person who mattered most in the universe to Jon, and it was going to hurt others in their family. He needed to say that, and so much more. Things he would never get another chance to say. "You were an upstanding guy, always have been, and it's going to hurt the woman I love more than I can possibly explain not to have you around. What's worse is I don't know how to help her and the girls through this." While he couldn't help Erika, he knew there were things he could promise Simon, things that mattered most to a father, and to a brother he had learnt over the years since he'd met Erika. "But don't you worry. I will make sure they are safe and protected, and that they remember you often. Someone is gonna have to teach Serena about her uncle Simon, and while I wouldn't admit this under any other circumstance, I am really going to miss you."

He heard someone come up behind him, so stopped speaking quickly. Even if it was a member of the medical team Jon didn't want them hearing what were likely his last words to his brother-in-law. A hand went to his shoulder and he quickly realised it definitely wasn't just someone from the medical team. "Uncle Jon?" Carla asked, and Jon took that as a sign he should stand up, almost certain Erika would be there in a minute, and would need the chair far more.

"I was just talking to your dad." He said, wrapped Carla into a hug as he did, almost certain she would need it. By the way she clung to his shirt for a moment he guessed he was right. He just held onto her until she pulled back and wiped her nose on her sleeve.

"Aunt Erika told you the results of the tests?" She asked, and he just nodded, not wanting to force her into repeating them. He was sure that was not something she would want to do, and he expected that she was already going to be fed up having to tell her friends when they got back to Tatum. He would need to remember to contact Jorge before long, make sure that they could leave tonight. Give the girls time to pack everything they wanted, and give them time to organise a funeral.

It wasn't fair, and the unfairness of it struck him again as Carla started sniffling. He found himself at a loss, again, for what he should do for his niece. It worried him that she was so upset, but that was to be expected, really. She had just helped make a decision that no sixteen year old should ever face. "I'm sorry Cammie."

"We're donating his organs so other people won't have to suffer saying goodbye like this." She frowned, but Jon understood her meaning. She didn't want anyone else to have to say goodbye to their parents in the way she and Amelia were having to. He was sure his mother and aunts had had the same conversations when his father had died. Though he didn't know what had happened then, he'd been a child himself, and wouldn't have been able to help.

That did make him realise that his wife was taking longer than he would have expected. Was she taking a moment to try and regain control, or had she wanted to do something else before they all said goodbye themselves. He had done his bit now, and he would give the women in his life their own chance, as soon as he wasn't leaving Carla alone. He was sure that she wasn't ready for that. "Where's Erika?"

"She's gone getting Mela and Rena." He was about to ask, but apparently his face showed the question well enough. Carla smiled sadly and stroked the side of her fathers' face. "One of the nurses said she could bring Serena in to say goodbye too."

He nodded, then looked at Carla and realised she wasn't a child, she could handle everything she was being asked to do. He wouldn't have been able to handle it at 15, but he was learning that the Hernandez's grew up quickly. "Are you gonna be alright?"

Carla just looked at him and blinked a couple of times before saying anything, and what she said reminded Jon once again that she was no longer a child. "Ask me that in a few days. I'm numb right now."

"I understand what you mean." He had felt the same way more than once. In fact, he'd felt that way for a long time during the Expanse. Erika had saved him then, and managed to make him see the light again. He was sure that Carla would come through. She was more like Erika than he thought anyone realised, and she probably had the same emotional reserve that Erika seemed to carry around.

"Uncle Jon, how old were you when your dad died?" She asked, and all Jon could do was look at her for a moment. He wasn't sure if his father's death was relevant to the current situation, but if she wanted to know then he'd answer her questions.

"I was twelve." He admitted after a few minutes, remembering the day that happened as clearly as today.

Carla looked at him seriously and he could almost see her wheels turning, he was more Amelia's age than hers, but she was clearly still trying to relate to him and how he had felt. "How did you cope?"

"I still had my mom, so that helped." He admitted, the girls weren't going to have that. He didn't really remember all that much about that time other than feeling sad. He'd probably blocked most of it out. "I don't really remember what else I did. It was almost 40 years ago."

She started shaking slightly, and Jon tugged her back against him and held her tightly as she tried to calm herself. It clearly wasn't working, as when she spoke it was with halting breaths. "I'm scared uncle Jon, what's going to happen to me and Mela? Aunt Erika promised nothing bad would happen, but I'm still afraid."

"Cammie you didn't think your mom and dad didn't have a plan for if this could have happened. They had it in place since you were born, and your aunt Erika and I have already started putting it into motion." Mostly he'd been putting it into motion, but Erika had been more than a little busy making sure that things were going smoothly here. "Things are going to change for you both, but you're going to be cared for, and you're going to be loved."

That seemed to stop Carla worrying, in fact she stepped back and looked at Jon with just a hint of excitement, or maybe just confidence and relief that they would have somewhere to go, and people who loved them to look after them. "We'll be moving to San Francisco?"

"Yes, we'll sort the rest out soon." He didn't know where they were going to live, or how they would fit in his and Erika's current apartment. But they would have a plan, he was sure of that.

He was about to expand on that when he felt a hand on his shoulder, and Erika smiled at Carla sadly. "Cammie, want to wait with Amelia for a moment?" She motioned over her shoulder to where Amelia was stood talking to one of the nurses. Jon found himself relieved that they would have a minute alone.

"OK. Thanks Uncle Jon." Carla squeezed his arm as she walked past, and Jon just turned and wrapped his arms around his girls.

"How you holding up?" Maybe not the most important question, but one that he needed to ask. He didn't want her to feel like she needed to answer all his questions or tell him what was happening. He just wanted to know she was OK.

She kissed his cheek then whispered in his ear. "I'm just about getting through today." She then pulled back and slipped into the chair. He was amazed at how quiet Serena was being, but apparently even the baby realised this was a serious moment. "Can you get a picture of me and Rena with Simon?"

"I'll take her and wait out in the waiting room, you and the girls take as long as you need." He took his daughter then kissed Erika lightly, trying to give her all the strength he could. He knew they wouldn't leave until they were ready to take Simon to the OR, so he just waited, ready to be what they all needed. Settling Serena in the corner that had become theirs over the last couple of days and waited, that was all he could do.


	12. Gone

**Erika is exhausted by having to be the strong one, Jon worries about his girls.**

**Shin xx**

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><p>He'd waited around the hospital as long as he could, but before long Serena had gotten cranky and hungry, so he'd had to leave a note with the nurse that he'd come back to the hotel, leaving Erika and the girls to say goodbye to Simon without worrying about him and Rena. After feeding Serena and getting her to sleep, he'd had time to pack all the bags again before the door opened, and Carla led the small group of red-faced, tear-stained family into the room. "He's gone." Erika said as she followed the girls through, and he just opened his arms, encompassing all three of them in a hug.<p>

"Come here." He said quietly, giving both the girls a squeeze as they left, then keeping his arm around Erika's back. Her hand was clutching the back of his shirt, so he assumed his wife wasn't ready to let go of him.

Carla was the first to step away fully, wiping her eyes as she did. He didn't really know what he could do for the little girl who had given him so much trouble once, who was so sad right now. "I'm going to lie down. Mela want to watch a movie?" Amelia clearly didn't want to be separated from her sister, and ran after her, and a second later the door shut, and they could hear the screen turn on in the adjoining room.

While he was worried about the girls, right now he was more concerned about Erika. It was obvious the adrenaline of making sure everything was in order was wearing off, and she was dangerously tired. He'd done everything he could think of, and he wanted to take her mind off it all. "I already called Jorge, and the hotel are OK for us to stay in the room until he arrives. I came back and packed."

"Thanks, Jon." She mumbled, then wrapped her arms around him. He couldn't help but reciprocate by wrapping her up and holding her tightly. There was definitely a lack of energy on Erika's part now, and he couldn't blame her.

"I'm sorry, my love." They were the only words he could think of, but it seemed to set off Erika's tears again, at least she could cry into his chest, and he could try and make her feel like she was protected from the universe.

They stayed stood like that for as long as was needed, he just rubbed her back and made soothing sounds, hoping that he could make her feel even half as calm as she'd made him feel so many times. She was finally beginning to calm when the door to the other room opened again, and Amelia came through. "Can I cuddle with Rena?"

He looked to the playpen on the corner of the room, where Serena was still sound asleep, while he wanted to help Amelia feel better, he also knew that waking Serena before she was ready was a bad idea."She's asleep right now Mela, when she's awake you can."

"OK." Amelia looked heartbroken, but she went back through to the other room, and the door once again shut behind her.

"I don't know what to do, Jon." Erika started, the spell of them standing together broken by Amelia's appearance. Jon could already tell that she was going to start pushing herself too far, and try to do too many things that weren't urgent or even necessary. She started searching around the room, but he already knew she'd find nothing, because he'd packed it all away. "I need to call the funeral home."

He reached out and stopped her, leaving his hands on her shoulders until she stopped fighting him. He was doing what was best for her. "That can wait until we're back in Tatum." He was going to be firm on that point, because there wasn't going to be anything she could really do from here. They would need to be in Tatum, not here. "They already have Maria, they can collect Simon tonight and tomorrow we can plan the funeral."

She stopped trying to pull away finally, and her shoulders just slumped. "You're right."

"I know I am, come here." He pulled her back to the bed so they could sit down. He wanted to hold her as tightly as he possibly could, and right now he was fairly sure she'd let him. They both needed the support. Erika ended up sagging until it was best she lay down. He just wrapped his arms around her as she buried her head into his chest again.

"I can't believe all this has happened, Jonathan. It's been three days. That's it."

"I know." He whispered, holding her tightly and resuming the calming, soothing noises. After a few minutes her breathing evened out, and he realised she'd given into the exhaustion. When he looked up Serena was sat up in the playpen she'd been sleeping in, looking at her parents with a confused look. Jon kissed Erika's forehead and disentangled himself, wanting to pick up Serena and get her through to Carla before she had chance to wake Erika up.

He then just continued doing the busywork that he could do to make sure Erika didn't do it. That included sending messages to Hoshi, Veronica and the Admiralty. He got word back almost immediately that his leave had been extended for as long as was needed. Veronica also gave the helpful tip to avoid the news, who were reporting on the fact Erika's brother had died. He was just finishing up a letter to his mother when there was a gentle knock on the door and Jorge came through. "How are they doing?" He asked before he'd even full come into the room,

Jon nodded in the direction of his sleeping wife, figuring that the fact Erika had given in to her exhaustion would be a sign of how they were doing. "Erika fell asleep about an hour ago, physically and emotionally exhausted, I'll wake her up when we're ready to leave." he then motioned in the direction of the other room, and the sound of whichever musical the girls were watching. "The girls are watching a movie with Serena."

Jorge followed Jon's directions then frowned, clearly not really sure whether he was helping or hindering. "I told everyone back home, they won't have to answer any questions. Lena and I have been staying at the house, so it should be ready when you get back." That was another worry that he no longer had to have on his list, and another thing he could tell Erika was complete. "I also took the liberty of talking to Emilio at the funeral home, he's waiting on confirmation from the hospital to come and collect Simon."

"Thanks, that's two less things for Erika to worry about." He knew she'd worry about them regardless, but he hoped they were reducing the stress on her as much as they could. He was her husband, but he had no idea whether or not he was actually being helpful.

"Have you got a plan?" Jorge asked, dragging him back to the present. He thought over everything that had been put into place over the years in case of this emergency. First when he and Erika had been serving on ships, then again a year earlier when they'd both been assigned to Earth and learnt that they were going to be gaining a Serena. They had had to grow and develop their plans every time a life changing event happened.

"Yeah, one we've had worked out with Simon and Maria since the girls were small." He didn't need to mention how many times they had changed over the years, that would make it seem more trouble than it is. "I've got most of it in order now, so hopefully things will be ready when we go home."

"You're not staying in Tatum?" Jorge asked, and Jon wondered what had ever given the idea they would be doing. While he would agree that changing Carla and Amelia's routines so suddenly wasn't necessarily a good thing, he also wasn't about to give up his career, and he knew Erika wasn't either.

"Erika and I have lives and jobs in San Francisco, we can't just up and move out here. That has always been in the plan." Maybe Jorge was worried that the girls would be ignored, or that they'd suffer being so far from home. With their large Starfleet family in San Francisco he was fairly sure that they'd be fine, and well cared for. "Believe me Jorge, we have the best interests of the girls in mind."

Jorge waved his hand in front of his face and shook his head. "I'm sure, I'm just surprised." There was more than a little surprising and uncertain about this situation, so that was unsurprising in and of itself. "I'll go get the bags into the car."

He looked around the room as Jorge grabbed the four bags that he'd managed to fit all their belongings into. "I'll send the girls so I can wake Erika up. Hey, girls. Jorge is here, Carla can you take Rena down." He called through the door, hoping that they wouldn't wake Erika up. He was going to do that quietly in a minute, and she didn't need to be jolted awake before then.

"Sure uncle Jon." He heard called, then the door in the other room opened, and the screen sounds shut off. After a second he heard Amelia's voice in the corridor, talking about which of her stuffed animals she was going to save.

As soon as he was sure everyone had gone he sat on the edge of the bed and started stroking Erika's cheek, knowing that was one of the most surefire ways to wake her up. Especially when she was exhausted. "Hey, Rike. Come on."

It took a few tries, but eventually she started opening her eyes and focusing on him more. He was glad to see her rejoining the land of the living. Hoping that she wouldn't be as panicked as she had been before she slept. "What, oh god I slept."

"Yes you did, you've been out about an hour." He smiled as she sat up and started looking around. He could almost hear her questioning where their bags and belongings had gone. "I didn't want to wake you until Jorge arrived." He answered before she could even ask them. But clearly she didn't quite grasp all of it.

"Where are the girls?" She asked, and all he could do was chuckle.

"They are all already in the car." She sat up further and rubbed her face, then looked around. There was nothing else for them to collect. He'd made sure everything was in those four bags that Jorge had already taken. "I figured you'd want to take a moment to wake up."

Erika looked at him seriously then frowned. He didn't really want to know what she was thinking, so he let her work through whatever problems she had on her own. After a few seconds and just turned her attention to him properly. "The last few days haven't all just been a bad dream have they?"

"I'm sorry Rike." He wished he could have told her something different, but he couldn't.

"Let's go. How long until we go home?" He knew she meant their home back to San Francisco. They still had things they needed to do, but they'd be going home soon. Maybe then things could start getting back to normal.

"Still a few days. I'm here, we'll be alright." He knew that was a lot to promise right now, and he knew that there was a chance they wouldn't be, but he needed to be confident. His family needed his confidence, and he needed to believe without a shadow of doubt to make sure Erika could do all the things she needed to do. There were too many problems they were going to have to face, and he wasn't sure what they even were yet. He just knew he needed to be ready for the fight.


	13. Tatum

**Back in Tatum, and the dealing and healing begins.**

**Shin xx**

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><p>They had made it back to Tatum a few hours earlier, and all they'd done since was prepare for the inevitable changes that were going to come in the next few days. Erika had spent most of the time gathering plenty of pictures to take with them, so Carla and Amelia would never run out of pictures of their parents. It also helped her to know she'd never run out of pictures of her brother. Then they had just left the kids to their own things. Amelia had wanted to play in her room, and Erika hadn't pressed Carla, and she wasn't concerned at all when she ran down the stairs and grabbed a jacket from the hooks by the door. "I'm going out."<p>

"Be back before 11." She shouted, and when she felt Jon trying to get up from where they were relaxed together on the sofa she put her hand on his stomach to stop him.

"I will. I'll be at Katy's." Carla continued, and then a second later the door shut and the teenager was gone. It was obvious that Jon was a little concerned that she'd allowed Carla to go, but there was a small town attitude that he couldn't understand at play here. She didn't want to add more rules for the girls before they were really ready for the change to their aunt and uncle being their primary caregivers.

Jon sat back again after a few seconds, but she could tell he was still tense, ready to go and get Carla with only a second's notice. She relaxed back against him, hoping that that tiny movement would convince him that she wasn't worried. "You're letting her go?" He asked eventually, talking over whatever movie they were watching, she didn't even know what it was.

"We're back in Tatum, Jon. We're not in a city." When they were back in San Francisco, Carla would have a whole lot more rules about going out, here Erika wasn't going to be so strict. There were better reasons too, Carla's friends were no doubt in a better position to cheer her up than they were. "She's upset and her friends are here. This is probably what she needed."

"You think she needs this?" Jon asked, finally relaxing again, wrapping his arm around her again.

If she thought about her own feelings, she realised how much she wished they were back in San Francisco, where she could call in on Veronica or Ruby with only a moments notice. She wanted to be around her friends for support. She was sure the girls would be the same, and she sat forward to make this point. "I want to be home in San Francisco with my friends, so I'd say she wants some time with her friends, especially given that in a few days we're going to be moving her." She hated that part, but neither she nor Jon wanted to give up their careers because of this. There was the problem that she couldn't let Amelia go out to her friends, even for Tatum she was too young to be out at 9pm. "If Amelia was older I'd let her go find her friends too."

Jon seemed to thinking over what she said, but he clearly still had reservations. "You have a point, But-" She cut him off, in this moment knowing better than he did what they wanted. When her abuela died when she was young all she'd wanted was to be with her friends, and in a town like this the up side was that they could go.

"Look I have you here, the biggest support in my life. I have Serena here, my little girl who I can cuddle whenever she'll let me. That's enough for me." She loved that her family was here. Her husband who she loved very much, and the little girl they had waited for for more than 20 years. Carla and Amelia had their support system here too, it just wasn't all family. It was their friends, their other extended family. "The girls need support too."

"I'm glad you think me being here is enough." Jon smiled, clearly latching onto that part of her lecture. She was glad he was there, and she was also glad that he was willing to jump into this with her. He hadn't needed to if he didn't want to, but he hadn't run away, and that meant a lot to her. Not that she ever thought the would have run away.

"I'd like to be home, sure, but right now this is more important for the girls." She was going to have to put them first for a while.

Jon studied her for a moment, then motioned for her to lean back against him. She took a few seconds then leant back, feeling comfortable again. "You seem to be managing a little better now we're back here?" He observed, and she had a theory on why she was feeling better. At least right now. She was feeling better too.

"I feel like I've got closure, Jon." She had been struggling while they'd been waiting to know where they stood, but now there was a confirmation of what was happening, she had an ending, and she could start the next part. "Do I wish Simon were alive? Yes, of course I do. But right now we can start moving on with things."

He nodded, and they both went back to the movie. She was just getting comfortable, and started dozing off on his shoulder when there was a loud beep in the direction of Jon's abandoned PADD which brought her back. "There's a message coming through from Hoshi. I'll be back." He kissed her gently and jogged through to the kitchen where they'd set up the communications system they needed.

She had only been sat alone for a few minutes when she heard footsteps on the stairs behind her, she turned and saw Amelia, clearly mostly asleep still, padding into the living room in her barefeet and nightdress. She suddenly looked a lot younger than eleven. "Aunty Rike?"

"Hey kiddo, what's up?" She motioned for Amelia to come and sit on her lap. Unlike Carla, who had been Jon's niece from birth, Amelia had always been more comfortable with her aunt. Erika was sure that was probably more because Amelia had been born after Enterprise had launched on it's original mission, meaning she hadn't been exposed to Jonathan until she had been three.

"I can't sleep." She mumbled, and Erika could tell she'd been crying.

"What's stopping you honey?" It was stupid to ask her what was the matter, or anything about how she was feeling. That was all obvious.

"I miss mommy." Amelia's sad pronouncement wasn't really all that surprising. Erika was a 48 year old mother and she missed her own mother from time to time. She wasn't sure what she could say in support. She had never been very good at this kind of thing.

So she said the only thing she could say. The honest thing. "I know you do." She wrapped her arms around her niece and held her tightly. "I can't help with that, but know that I love you very much."

"Are you going to take us away?" Amelia asked, and Erika wondered what had been the nightmare that had woken her up. It wouldn't matter, she just needed to make sure that the girls both knew they were going to be loved and cared for no matter what. That included being upfront and honest about moving them away from their childhood home.

"You're going to come live with me, Serena and uncle Jon in San Francisco."

Amelia seemed to think about that for a few minutes, and Erika couldn't help but smile against the top of her head. There really wasn't all that much thought involved. "Is that far away?"

Only a little over two thousand kilometres. She wasn't sure that Amelia would grasp the distance, or it would seem even further away than a vague answer would make it seem. "It's pretty far away, but you can come back in summers to see your friends, and maybe at Christmas." She hadn't been in New Mexico for Christmas since she was in her twenties, but now it might be the best idea.

"Who is going to live in this house?" That had been a harder decision, but on the trip back from the hospital, after the girls had all fallen asleep, she'd had a long conversation with Jorge. He and Lena needed somewhere to live that wasn't her parents. So they could keep the house in the family until either Carla or Amelia wanted it, or if they decided together to sell it when one or the other was 18. Either way, there were seven years it needed to be filled for.

But, in time the decision would hopefully prove to be wise. "My cousin Jorge and Lena."

"So they'll keep the house safe?" Amelia asked, and Erika hoped that she wasn't giving the sleepy one a little too much information. This would be better for them to discuss when they were all there. She didn't think there would be time.

"Yes. That's what they are going to do." That was really all she could say. There was definitely a lot of things undefined at the moment, and they would probably stay that way until everyone had settled into their new definition of normal. It did mean, at least, that they would have people there to help with Serena. "While you're going to come and help me and uncle Jon with Serena."

"I'll be able to play with her?" Amelia asked, seeming to have cheered up a little. It was probably worth her going back to bed and trying to sleep. She looked up and saw Jon stood in the doorway watching them, a determined smile on his face.

So while she was a little distracted by whatever Jon had learnt, she gave Amelia a final squeeze then let her go, sliding her off her knee at the same time. "Yeah. She's still very small at the moment, but I'm sure she'd like you playing with her. Go back to bed, I'll come in and say good night in half an hour if you're still awake." She wanted to try and check on Amelia as soon as Carla got back, hoping that she'd managed to get to sleep. For now she wanted to know what Jon had found out.

Amelia yawned, and while she clearly didn't take the hint she was ready to go back to bed herself. "OK. I'll try." She mumbled and rubbed her eyes, then started heading toward the stairs.

Erika waited until there were footsteps on the corridor above them before making room for Jon beside her. "I saw you hovering, figured you didn't want to talk with Amelia here." She started, then prodded him in the side gently with her elbow.

He nudged her back then wrapped an arm around her shoulders again. "Not really, it's not something she needs to hear about right now." They were all looking out for what was best for the girls. Right now, Erika wasn't sure what was best, she was just guessing. Jon let her think for a minute, then leant down to her ear. "Hoshi found us a place."

That was fast. She hadn't really expected them to find anywhere so quickly, especially given the pretty strict criteria they'd had. "Where?"

"The building across from where we are now." Knowing that, she could visualise which building it was. It was an area they knew well, and it was close to Starfleet, which was important to both of them. "It's the penthouse, has 5 bedrooms, three bathrooms and an outdoor terrace. It looks perfect and we can afford it." Every box was ticked, with an extra one for the outdoor space.

There was only one box left to tick. Then she could start getting excited. She'd wanted to move since Serena was born, this had just made it a priority. "Can we move in immediately?"

"I'm calling the vendor tomorrow while you're at the funeral home." That was probably the best time to do it. The girls were both going to be with friends, and she was going to be busy. Might as well get everything done all at once. "Hoshi said it was empty when she and Tosh went to look around."

"We're going home Saturday morning." That was four days away, could they really organise all of this in four days from 2000 kilometres away. "We're going to have to go shopping right away." She thought aloud, but Jon squeezed her gently and brought her attention back to him, so they didn't get too far ahead of themselves.

"We're going to have to find schools. At least we have a few days for that." She hadn't even thought of that. The girls were going to need schools, and activities, and everything that two growing girls would need. They were so woefully underprepared for this.

"Our apartment will need packing up and selling." Their apartment probably wasn't worth much, but it was theirs, it was the first home they'd had together and would probably always hold that special meaning, much like her apartment before the war.

"Veronica will probably want it. We could let it out to her. You hated how small that place was, at least this way we have more space. We could always get Hoshi and Veronica to do the shopping before we go back." Jon clearly thought their friends could, and would, help them search. She wasn't so sure, and she was definitely sure it wasn't fair on them.

"That's a lot to put on them."

He shook his head with a gentle smile. "We just need basics right now. You still have a couple of weeks leave, I have a week saved up. We'll take another week and decorate rooms." That would be nice, they could all do it together. Make it a family thing. They could also spend time keeping Serena away from the paint.

"Things changed so quickly. I almost feel bad that we've managed to do all this in less than a week." It had taken three days. She had gotten the call just three nights ago. 72 hours. "I want to throw a going away party for the girls tomorrow night. Let them say goodbye to their friends in style."

"You're right, as usual." He wrapped his arm around her, and she just tried to focus on the fact that while she wasn't really sure she was ready for this, she could make a good attempt. At least she would have Jon beside her side no matter what, and he could make sure that they all knew what they were needing to do. He seemed to have a better grasp of it than any of the rest of them as it was right now anyway.


	14. Leaving Parties and Planning

**A goodbye party for each of the girls at school as Erika speaks to the funeral director.**

**Shin xx**

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><p>Erika had known getting the girls out of the house to go to this party would be harder than expected, and while Carla hadn't questioned, Amelia was dragging herself along. It was obvious that she hadn't really wanted to come out of the house, but it was something Erika knew they would both need, and they'd be pissed at her if she hadn't given them this opportunity. "Mela, come on." She called, stopping Carla again as they started getting a little too far ahead. After a second Amelia caught up, and this time Erika put a hand between her shoulders.<p>

"Where are we going?" Amelia grumbled, and Erika rolled her eyes slightly, knowing of the two of them Amelia would probably be the happier to be going into school. Erika had told Jon to give the high school priority on the comm system, so if Carla needed collecting he could get there quickly.

Hopefully, knowing her friends were going to be there to say goodbye would be enough to pick Amelia up again. This morning she'd been crying again, and Erika really didn't have all that many ideas of how to help. "Your friends at school want to say goodbye."

Amelia looked at her confused for a second, and Erika wondered what part of her statement had been unclear. "I'm going to school?"

"Just for a couple of hours to say goodbye to your friends." That was going to be important in the long run for both the girls, and the first instance of closure that could be offered. "We're leaving on Saturday."

"What about me?" Carla asked quietly as Amelia did exactly what Erika had hoped and started picking up speed. It was clearly what Mela had needed. She was right. She dropped her voice to just address Carla.

"You're going to school too. Jon is at the house with Bunny if you need him to come and get you." She was sure that Carla would be alright for two hours, but she was older, and in many ways more sensitive than Amelia about this. She maybe wouldn't want the whole class to say goodbye, and she could say goodbye to her friends on her own time.

It was clear that straight away Carla started worrying about what was going to happen, but Erika could at least put those fears to rest, mostly thanks to the friendship she had developed with the principle of the high school. "Am I gonna be in class?"

"No, Toby, Mr. Lyman, has organised your friends to have a small gathering to say goodbye too." Carla was obviously still questioning the wisdom of what was being suggested, looking at Erika as if she'd lost her mind. The simple fact was that this was going to be needed. "You might not see some of them again Cammie, you will want to say goodbye."

Carla nodded at that, but still looked a little worried, or confused, or both. Erika hoped she'd get better at reading Carla's moods over the next few months, because right now she sucked at it. "I know, I just don't know why we're leaving so soon?"

"Jon has to get back to work, and you'll want to get your rooms decorated before I go back to work at Christmas." There was a time constraint, even if it was one that maybe Carla wasn't too conscious of. They had managed to drop everything with barely any notice, but that didn't mean that they didn't have responsibilities back home.

That clearly reminded both her nieces that there were things they still didn't see and situations they weren't aware of. "Oh, yeah."

"I know it's hard, but we need to start getting used to this now." She didn't want to be used to it, but at this point she knew it was best. The same had been done during the war. When they lost an officer, a friend, the longer they delayed moving on the harder it was. She couldn't expect the girls to understand that. "It'll be even harder if we keep pretending that nothing has to change."

"Where are you going?" Amelia asked, reminding them that she was still there and that she still had thoughts and opinions on what was going on. Though of all of them she was the one ignored most, purely because of her age.

"I need to go and finalise the funeral arrangements." She nodded along the main road, just a little out of sight was the funeral home that was handling the funeral and the bodies.

Amelia looked at her seriously for a second, then posed a question Erika hadn't really thought about. "Are we singing?"

Erika hadn't thought of that. Were they singing? It was obvious that both the girls were interested in doing that. It would be a nice way for them to get involved too, it would be easier than them writing a speech each, and there was less chance of being nervous for a song. "Which song do you want to sing?"

"Can we do that one you sang at Abuela's. It was so pretty." The song she'd sung at her mothers' funeral had been an old Irish song she'd heard sung once during the war. As such she wasn't sure it was really appropriate.

Carla, clearly, saw something in Erika's face, and took over from her sister. "We both know the words now too. You could join us."

"Sure, of course we can." She was being soundly beaten on this, so it was best she just accept it. They could make it work for them, she was sure. The only other thing she wanted to ask was if Carla wanted to get up there and do a Eulogy. "Cam do you want to give a eulogy?"

"I don't know what I'd say." She shook her head forcefully, and this one Erika understood completely. It was why she'd sung at Lita's funeral, rather than spoken. Simon had always been the one who was good with words, never her. "You do it. You and aunt Gina. You knew mom and dad longest." That was true, she had known Simon all her life, and she had known Maria since pre-school. So she couldn't argue. "What does she think of you moving us to San Francisco?" Carla continued, and Erika remembered how it had come to be that she and Jon be the girls legal guardian, not their other aunt. She didn't want to speak badly of any of their family right now, so it was probably best she keep it quiet.

"That its marginally closer than New York. She, I and your parents agreed that I'd be taking on your care if anything happened." They had made that plan several times, and not only did they have all the legal paperwork, it was also in the wills. They would make sure Maria's family knew they were all welcome to visit whenever they could, providing they didn't distract the girls too much. That was one of Erika's only worries now. "She knows she can come and visit whenever she wants, and we'll work out on holiday schedules soon."

"Thanks, aunt Erika. For doing all this for us." Carla said, maybe understanding more of what Erika hadn't said than she'd intended. She didn't like the idea that her niece might feel unwanted, especially not when Erika and Jon loved them both very much.

They came to a stop between the two school buildings, and Erika was a little relieved that the conversation was done with for now. "Of course. Now, call Jon if you need him to come get you. Go talk to Mr. Lyman."

"I will." Carla said with conviction then started walking in the direction of the high school.

Erika smiled then crouched down next to Amelia, who threw her arms round her aunt for a minute. "Come on Mela, you too."

"Will the kids treat me different?" She asked sadly, and Erika wondered what to say. They all knew what had happened. For the last 24 hours it had been on the news that her brother had died, or more specifically, that Jonathan's brother-in-law had died.

"Maybe, but you just need to remember that they have to get used to some things too. I'll come get you in two hours."

"OK." Amelia said, then started walking up the path to the school. Erika stood on the path until they had both walked into their doors, and only then did she turn and start the rest of the way to the funeral home, glad that she had this small amount of time alone. It gave her a moment to centre herself again. She wished for a second only that Jonathan was there with her, the only person who could make her feel better about any of this.

She didn't want to think too much though, it would just make it harder for her to do what she needed to do now. So she took a breath as she reached the home and squared her shoulders. She had barely made it to the desk before Emilio had come out to greet her. "Captain Hernandez."

"I'm not late am I?" She asked, a little concerned at the speed of the greeting. She knew it had taken longer than expected to get the kids going, but she thought they'd made it in good time, really.

Emilio however held a hand up and smiled seriously. "No, I just expected the whole family." That was probably not unreasonable, given what it would normally be like. Instead she'd made other plans. Then again, Emilio probably wanted to meet Jonathan, almost everyone seemed to.

So she could at least explain. "I just dropped Mela and Cammie off at school so they could say goodbye. We'll be leaving for San Francisco on Saturday so Jonathan can go back to work." She was assuming they were going back on Friday at least. "You got the service arranged for Friday, right?"

"At 3pm. Catholic service, correct?"

She thought for a second, would they have preferred a less religious ceremony? Maria hadn't been brought up in quite such a strict household, but Simon had held onto his religion, as had the girls. So a Catholic service was what they wanted. "Yes."

"Who is giving the eulogies?" The next question was, at this point, a foregone conclusion. The siblings, and then there would be a family tribute each, both of them songs now that the girls had decided they wanted to sing.

"Me and Maria's sister, Gina." This meant she would have to decide on what she was going to say. She probably should have had Gina with her for this, but she was still halfway across the country. "The girls and I are going to sing, I think Maria's family wanted to sing too."

"We can slot that in on the hymns." Emilio just continued marking down what she was saying onto his clipboard. This was all as foreign to her as probably the command of a Starship was to her. She couldn't wonder what he was thinking. "Do you know which you want?" He asked after a few seconds, and really there was only one choice. A hymn sung at every funeral she'd ever been to.

"'Here I Am, Lord' for the final slot."

Emilio then made a final mark and put the clipboard on the desk. It was full of marks and notations. He looked as distressed over this as she felt. "This is going to be a sad day for our Parish." He commented, and it was only then she remembered Emilio had been going to their church almost all his life too. She'd been heading for high school and Starfleet by the time he was born.

"Father Emmanuel baptised them, he married them." She had seen him briefly last time they were here, and he'd been disappointed she'd had a service wedding, she promised him they'd get a blessing in his church. Maybe they could arrange that for Christmas when they brought the girls back. Something happier for them to look forward too. "I'm sure he never planned on officiating their funeral liturgy too."

Emilio just looked at her seriously for a second, then shook his head. "Would any of us?" He posed, and she had to stop and think. Of course they wouldn't have planned on it. Nobody planned on tragedy.

She couldn't think about that any more, so she started running through a list of things she'd meant to check. Most of them were already answered. "Closed casket?" She asked, just to make sure. Their injuries had been too severe for anything else.

"As requested. Are you putting on a wake?"

"At the house after the service, a few parents offered to do the food." That had been a relief, as it meant nobody would have to stay and cook. It was organised, it all seemed to be organised, and they could start moving on.

"That's all I need for now, besides payment."

"I have it here." She held her card out, glad that the planning was mostly out of the way. The family plot was already prepared, she had seen that. Now that this was over she could start looking to the future. She was sure that it wasn't going to always be as easy as today had been, but for the moment she just wanted it all over with. She'd have time to grieve when she wasn't so tired.


	15. Preparations

**Jon speaks to Veronica and Hoshi, beginning to put things into motion for taking their suddenly-bigger family back to San Francisco.**

**Shin xx**

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><p>Jon had been gently prodding Carla into preparing for the day without saying what was going on, and as soon as Erika had left with the girls he'd turned his attention to his own jobs for today. Luckily the vendor for the apartment was ready to let the place go, and while she couldn't guarantee them an immediate entry, she dropped it from New Year to two weeks when realising it was him, and hearing why it was so urgent that they move. Then he'd needed to deal with daddy duties. Serena had been sat playing quietly in her playpen, but now she clearly wanted some attention, but he still had things to do. Life would be easier if she would sleep for a while. "Sweetheart, you need to sleep so daddy can talk to aunt Hoshi and aunt Veronica." He tried wrapping her up again, but within seconds she'd wiggled loose and was making it obvious that she wasn't interested in actually having a nap. "Nope. You're not going to sleep are you?" He asked sarcastically after a short while, deciding it might just be worth giving up and letting her do her own thing on his knee. "Come on then. You might as well come with me and talk to them too." He was rewarded with a watery kiss then a very hard bop from her current favourite rattle.<p>

He keyed in both the calling codes, knowing that Hoshi was home on a Wednesday, and Veronica wouldn't have left the apartment if she could avoid it. So the test was who would answer first. It took only a second before a New Zealand accent and a stream of expletives gave him the answer. "If this is another fucking journalist I'm going to find you and kill you."

"Aunt Veronica did not mean those words Bunny." He muttered to his daughter then looked back at the screen and the clearly half-asleep pilot and surprised a smirk. "It's me Ronnie."

"Oh, hey Jon." She ran her hand over her face and when she sat up and refocused on the screen she looked more awake and with it. "Sorry. Journalists are calling here at lot. Most of them are getting that response." At least that explained it, and in those circumstances he wasn't going to tell Veronica off for her choice of language.

Really, it was a good job this was a contained comm system, it meant that journalists and the type couldn't get the id code for it without being given it. He was fairly sure nobody would give it out too, nobody had yet. Veronica scaring them off from calling their home was better than he would have expected of their friend. "Good choice. Erika and the girls don't need that."

"I'm not surprised. How is everyone holding up?" Veronica's concerned shone through, and Jon was glad to see that whatever she'd gone through during her undercover work in the war hadn't changed her spirit.

"Well, better than I expected. That might be a lack of chance. It's only been 4 days." He was sure eventually things would slow down, and Erika, Carla and Amelia would all have to face what had happened. Right now they were all surprisingly keeping it together. "Before Hoshi joins, want to keep our apartment?"

She stopped and blinked a few times in surprise. He so rarely saw her speechless, and it was a bit of a surprising situation to be in. "I beg your pardon?" She finally stammered out after a few seconds, and he just smirked wider.

"We need to move, so you might as well keep the apartment. We get let it out to you. Won't we, huh?" He asked Serena, who was looking up at him in a discomforting way. He'd noticed that Carla had looked at him the same way when she was a baby, he was sure it was their way of telling him to watch his back. Serena, for her part, let out a screech and grabbed her rattle back.

Clearly, it was taking Veronica a few seconds to figure out what to reply to Jon's offer, but there was really nobody better to take their apartment on once they were out of it, and Veronica desperately needed to move out of the Starfleet housing. "You sure?"

"What else are we going to do?" He asked sincerely.

It was at that moment that the other half of the screen let out, and the first noise he heard was actually Serena's excited squeak at seeing her favourite aunt on the screen. "Hey Jon, oh, hey Veronica, and hey you, baby." Hoshi addressed the last to Serena, who sat forward to try and grab Hoshi through the screen.

He was always amazed that Serena had such firm favourites. She would spend hours say with Hoshi or Malcolm and not make a sound, but if Kiona went anywhere near her she'd scream until he or Erika collected her. Clearly Serena had decided that Kiona was evil. "She's apparently not wanting to sleep for daddy today."

"She wants extra time with daddy, that's all." Veronica reasoned, and he couldn't actually disagree. He had never had as much time as he wanted to spend with his daughter, so the extra time he was getting here was a blessing for them both. It came at a horrifying price though. Clearly, Veronica had been listening, and realised that the house was silent. "Erika and the girls not there?"

"The girls have both gone to school to say goodbye, and Erika has gone to the funeral home." He would have gone with Erika, but she had wanted someone in the house for if Carla couldn't handle her leaving party and needed to come home, that was a sensible precaution too.

"How did it go with the vendor?" Hoshi asked, getting down to the important part of any conversation. What happened next. It seemed to be something about the Starfleet state of mind. They were all always planning. Always looking a move ahead, or five or ten.

He shrugged, and dodged the rattle Serena was now brandishing like a deadly weapon. "She said that she thinks she can get us in in two weeks. We were hoping for immediacy but we'll take what we're given." He shook his head and thought again, trying to figure out if there was an order or direction of some sort he was supposed to give. He knew what he wanted them all to do, if they were willing, asking them was harder now they weren't a crew. "Ron, since you're in our apartment, can you clear up the guest room?" He tried to phrase it as a request rather than an order, but he wasn't sure he succeeded.

Veronica, at least, seemed to take it with a pinch of salt and replied with a sarcastic smile Erika would have been proud of. "Sure, it'll take me all of half an hour."

"Great. Hoshi, we need your shopping skills." He was about to continue on that, when Serena's rattle collided full force with his nose, and the baby started giggling exactly like her mother did in a similar situation. "No, Rena. No hitting daddy when he's busy." He tried to take the rattle away, but he doubted it would work. Leaving it within her reach he looked back to the screen and two giggling adults. "Shopping"

Hoshi, this time, was the one looking a little grumpy. Though it didn't appear like it was real grumpy, just an attempt for Veronica's benefit. "How come I'm the one who shops?"

"Hoshi, really?" Veronica saw through it almost as quickly as Jon did, and he was the one stifling a laugh this time. Then again. Hoshi's daughter was no longer at the age where conversations like this came with an assault warning. Nobody was buying that Hoshi didn't occasionally enjoy to shop.

"OK I enjoy it. What do you need?" She shook her head, then focused back on Jon.

The truth was, he had no idea what they needed. Serena could barely crawl. He was feeling ill-equipt to handle the sudden addition of two much older children. He'd always assumed that he and Erika would grow into knowing what Serena would need as she grew up. The addition of the girls was making Jon feel out of his depth, and he needed to admit that. "Things a teenager and an eleven year old would need. Put them on reserve so we can check them out before we move in."

"I'm gonna kick that little-" He heard shouted from Hoshi's end, and he wondered who had done what to make Trip angry, but he'd obviously noticed that Hoshi was on the comm and came and stood over her shoulder.

"Trip." He nodded to his best friend, the small movement giving Serena a target. He didn't even realise she'd picked up the rattle again.

"Oh, hey." That was when Trip burst out laughing, noticing Serena's attack on her father again. "Hey Bunny." Trip said, and the baby did her interpretation of an excited dance, purely because once again she'd been spoken to by someone other than her father.

"Everyone is so much more excited to see Serena than to see me." He grumbled good-naturedly. He loved that Serena had so many people who cared for her, and if that manifested itself in people being happy to see her then more the better.

"Well she's cuter than you are." Trip was of course the only one with a smart retort. "I'm going to come out there tomorrow." That was a surprise, Jon would have thought Trip would want to spend what little time he got on Earth with his family, unless he was bringing them all out.

He had to ask, because finding room for all three of them was going to be more difficult than just one or two. "All of you?"

Hoshi was the one to reply next, and that reminded Jon that the universe hadn't stopped just because he wasn't at Starfleet Command. "No, just Trip. I still have classes and Tosh has school."

"I'll make space for you here. I just want to, ouch." This time, Serena's attack-rattle hit him right in the eye when he hadn't expected it. It was too much for him to hope his friends wouldn't tease him about this.

Veronica was the first to comment on Serena's aim. "Nice shot Bunny."

"I was just nice to you." Jon commented, causing Veronica to sober almost instantly. "Anyway, what I was saying was, I just want to thank you for all the help you've been the last few days, doing everything Erika and I couldn't do. It means a lot to us and we need all the friends we can get." Friends were going to be important in the coming months. He and Erika were going to have to pick guardians for the girls, and they were going to have to learn about things they'd never even thought of before. It would be a very steep learning curve.

"Of course Jon. See you when you're home." Veronica grinned, then ended her branch of the comm line. Leaving him with his best friends.

"We're all family." Hoshi smiled, and Jon was glad for that sentiment. It was nice to be reminded that he and Erika weren't just restricted to the family of flesh and blood, there were their chosen family too, and they were just as important.

"I'll see you tomorrow." Trip said, then followed Veronica's lead and ended the communication.

"There, see. That wasn't so bad." He spoke largely to himself, knowing that Serena hadn't really cared one way or the other. "Now, are you going to nap? Nope? OK we'll just watch a movie." He wrapped Serena up and pretended to eat her stomach in the most exaggerated way he could. He was proud that she had reacted so well to the sudden change in her routine, especially given that it had included a trip halfway across the country. They'd soon be home, and they could all adjust. They would owe so many favours at the end of this trip, but it couldn't be avoided.


	16. The Park I

**Jon, Erika and Serena have a little family time away from everything else.**

**Shin xx**

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><p>The idea had come to him a few hours earlier. Carla had brought her best friends home, and Amelia had then asked if her best friends could come over. Lena and Jorge had then turned up with Amelia's friends. He had decided that he and Erika needed a few minutes as just their small family before things changed beyond any recognition. Lena had thought his idea was beautifully romantic, so had built up a picnic basket for him, a blanket on top and everything. He just needed to convince Erika that it was for the best. "Come on." He didn't want to tell her too many details, but he might have to to convince her.<p>

"Jonathan." She looked at the group of Amelia's friends who were all playing some game he couldn't begin to follow as if to point out that they were a reason to stay.

So he pointed to the two adults in the kitchen, and knew that another winner was coming in the form of Marta, who was planning to spend the night. "Jorge and Lena are here, Marta is coming later. The girls are happy right now. You, I and Serena need some time together." he wanted some time with his girls before the masses descended.

Erika rolled her eyes after a few seconds, and maybe he hadn't won the discussion yet, but she was leaning more toward his side than he would normally have expected. Erika was actually the best at not letting him talk her into doing things. He tried regularly, but he was so rarely successful. "Where are we going?"

"To the park." He commented, and he was sure she would have something to say about that. What she didn't know was that he'd been to check there were warmers here and they wouldn't be trying to find somewhere to warm up when the sun set.

He was right, but for the first few seconds after his pronouncement she just opened and closed her mouth a few times. "It's December 1st."

"I'm well aware of that." He couldn't help but laugh a little at that. The date hadn't escaped him, but they weren't in San Francisco, which was a lot colder than here. Here was very warm in comparison. "It's not that cold, Bunny has a coat. We're only going to be gone an hour or two." They could stay later, the girls weren't going to be left alone, but he knew giving her a time would make Erika feel better about the whole idea. "You need some time out, just for now."

She just studied him and groaned. He wasn't quite sure why, but he was sure she'd let him know in her own time. "OK, but why?" She had a valid question, but he had a valid reply. She needed the time out as much as he wanted it.

"Can you deny that you need a break?" He asked, and then looked at her to remind her that he would be able to tell if she lied, which normally she would try to do at least once before agreeing to anything. They didn't really have the time for her usual divergence tactics today. He just wanted to get out of the house for a little while.

"I do. I just don't know if now is the best time." She stated, and he could completely understand what she was saying. It probably wasn't the best time, but it was the only time. They simply weren't going to have any more time after this. They would be meeting and greeting, then they'd be in a tiny apartment, then they'd be moving. This was literally the last chance. "Hey, Bunny. Come on. Daddy wants to take us somewhere." Erika commented, and picked up the baby, who giggled at the tone her mother had adopted.

"When else are we going to have time Erika?" He asked, and hoped she'd realise that it wasn't a rhetorical question. He was dead serious, and he could explain why. "Tomorrow visitors will start arriving and we'll have to be the hosts. This is the last time it's going to be me, you and Serena." He argued once more. Surely she could see that this was important, to all of them.

"It's still the three of us." Erika said, but he disagreed.

"And Carla and Amelia." He added. He didn't want her to think he was angry that they were taking the girls in, he wasn't, he just wanted his family too. "I love the girls, Rike. I'm happy they are going to have somewhere safe to live." That should, hopefully, convince her that he wanted her family to be their family. "But I also love you and Serena, and this has all happened in a week, and I just want some extra time with you two."

Finally, it became obvious that he'd won, she leant in to Serena's cheek and kissed it before sighing. "OK, you sold me. I'm in."

"Good, because we have a picnic." He wrapped his arms around his girls and laughed. There was something in Erika's face that was, once again, saying she regretted everything that they had done since they met. He could still win her back. "All your favourites."

That brightened her up in a way he hadn't quite expected. He knew she had been missing the ability to eat many of her favourite foods while they weren't in a city that had places open all day, so clearly she knew some of what he would have tracked down. "You're too good for me Jonathan Archer."

"Quite the opposite." He had always said that Erika deserved far better than him, but for some reason she had kept him around. He had to think of something else to say, or this would lead them to a place neither was ready to go yet. "I spoke to the realtor, she's going to get us into the apartment as soon as possible. I think the fact we're cash buyers will speed the process up a lot." He had been so excited to tell her that, so it was the first thing that had come out of his mouth after the door shut behind them.

"That's all good, very good. I think I got everything sorted at the funeral home earlier." He wrapped an arm around Erika's back, his hand stopping on Serena's back where she was held on her mothers' hip. "I feel like Gina will cause trouble when she gets here, but on Tuesday she left a message saying I should arrange everything." He knew that Erika and Gina had never got on. Gina was a year younger than her, and through most of their early years and all their childhoods they had been rivals. So maybe she would cause some difficulty.

His wife had done exactly what she needed to do, and he hoped that she wasn't worrying too much about what Gina might possibly say. "You've done what's best for everyone, that's what's important. Who is doing what?" He wanted to know what he was doing. She would know that too.

Sure enough, all she did was roll her eyes then looked at him seriously. "You're doing the offertory with Gina's husband Graham."

"Offertory is?" He asked, having not been brought up with church services and routine, so he didn't have a clue what any of this was about. At least Erika could tell him, unlike if he asked anyone else in the family, who would look at him like he'd grown another head.

"You take the crackers and wine to be blessed by our father." He remembered seeing Carla and Amelia doing that once, when they were quite young. "Don't worry, I'll be sat with you in the front, and Marta will take you to church and show you what to do while I'm greeting people tomorrow."

He was a little worried that they felt Marta needed to show him. Especially since the kids had done it. They were kids being brought up in this church, whereas he'd only been to church twice in his life before he'd met Erika. "It's simple, isn't it?" He asked, then pulled the blanket from the top of the picnic basket and sat down, finding the only piece of green there was.

"Very." Erika handed him Serena to sit then joined him sat on the blanket, laughing as Serena immediately reached for the closest tub. He had to admit, he was glad it was one with fruit, as nothing would stand up to Serena's attention for long. "Normally children do it."

"Try this pasta salad." He handed her the pot he'd made up specially for her. Her favourite type of pasta salad with a little extra seasoning. It was looking at the food that reminded him of something that had happened every time he'd been around Erika's family. "What do you think are the chances that I'll get stabbed by one of your cousins on Friday?"

Erika looked at him completely innocently, then a smile spread across her face slowly, and he knew that she had already considered the idea of him being stabbed. "I've been offering evens."

"You've taken bets?" He said incredulously.

"Of course." He was reminded of Erika's inability to turn down a bet if someone made one. It had worked out well for him on the NX programme, and considerably less well now they were responsible officers. "If I can make some money I will."

All he could do was splutter and think of something not completely obvious and ridiculous to say. Somehow he doubted he would succeed, so said the first thing that came to mind. "You're my wife!"

She nodded, and he knew this wouldn't end well. "Admittedly that made betting against you more difficult."

He leant forward until he was able to attract the attention of his daughter and smiled. "Serena, you're not allowed to grow up to bully me as much as your mommy does, OK. It's not fair."

"You love it." She commented and shook her head.

"And you. I do." He mumbled, just glad that getting away from the house had made Erika happy enough to free herself from the sadness and stress.

But she did look at him and grin, and he quickly figured out why. "That was cheesy Jonathan."

"You are allowed to say that to me Bunny." He laughed then kissed Erika hard. Sure, he felt the weight of burden, and he knew that in a few hours they'd be back in the house and it would be back to crushing heartbreak. Right now he was with his girls, his beautiful, perfect girls, and he was going to enjoy every moment of that.


	17. Struggles with the Eulogy

**Erika struggles with the eulogy, **

**Shin xx**

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><p>She hadn't been able to sleep, again. It wasn't the first time she'd been unable to sleep, but tonight was the first time she'd gotten out of bed and tried to do something productive. She wasn't being productive though, she was just mumbling to herself and getting frustrated. Nothing sounded right, nothing sounded acceptable. It was all second rate and shitty, and not at all what her brother deserved. She had been trying to be quiet, not wanting to wake Jonathan up. One of them needed to be rested, and as she was seemingly unable to sleep it fell to him. "What are you doing?" She heard, then felt Jon laying light kisses along her shoulder in the way he'd done the night before when he'd found her sat at the end of the bed too.<p>

"I don't know where to start." She groaned, holding the PADD up and managing, barely, to stifle a sigh. "Nothing is coming out right." That was the worst thing. She knew the words, she just didn't know how to use them.

Jon clearly wasn't going to let her sit there all night, and pulled her back under the blanket further up the bed before he went back to the conversation. "What do you mean?" He finally asked, and she didn't know why he had to ask. She wasn't sat her writing out reports. It was important that she write this, and she write it perfect.

"For the eulogy." She held the PADD up again, but this time she didn't even try stifling the sigh. She let it out then looked at that little electronic that seemed to be taunting her.

There was a look on his face that made her think maybe he knew what she was thinking. He had always known her too well, and while she really did know what she was doing and what she wanted to say, the words weren't coming. "Where do you want to start?" He asked as if that was the most simple thing in the world.

What would have been the best way. By reminding everyone he was her brother, or that he was a politician, or that he was a father. By telling everyone about his accomplishments and his life. By recounting stories of their life as if that was all he was. Stories were probably the best way to go. "Maybe with a story?"

"You could talk about how your earliest memory of Simon is him trying to sell you?" That made her laugh, and it had the advantage of being true. She'd only been three, he'd been seven and he'd been desperately trying to convince all the other parents to buy her. He hadn't wanted a sister, and she'd been annoying him playing with his football.

The only problem with that was that they had a very annoying eleven-month-old, and an eleven-year-old for whom the novelty of having a baby around would wear off very, very quickly. almost everyone who would attend had probably heard the story a dozen times to boot. "I think everyone attending knows that, and I don't want to give Amelia any ideas."

"You think Amelia would get ideas?" Jon asked with a smirk, and Erika had to refrain from laughing again, which was a better feeling than the tearful mess she'd been before Jon had pulled her back into bed. As for Amelia getting ideas... they wouldn't necessarily be new ideas.

"You have met our daughter, right?" Serena was a baby, but she was a very intelligent baby with the ability to already have half of Starfleet wrapped around her tiny, chubby fingers. That meant that more than half the time she drove her mother to distraction, and the impulse to offer Serena on the baby market was occasionally appealing in a sad and disturbed way."I have ideas of selling her sometimes."

"Pretty sure we're stuck with her." Jon grinned then kissed her gently, enough to once again make her feel a little calmer and a little more ready to face the universe. "I worry that you want to sell her now and she's only a year old." Jon commented, and she felt like maybe defending that was a good idea.

Because she didn't want to sell their daughter all the time, most of the time it was a passing thought that she would never, ever act on. "The urge fades normally after a few minutes." She smiled then looked at the PADD again. "I have no idea where to go with this."

He ended up resting his chin on her shoulder and looking at the PADD along with her. She wasn't even going to complain about how annoying it was having him reading over her shoulder again. "You'll think of something." He finished lamely after a few more seconds, and she realised that Jon was not the person to ask about speeches.

She sighed then kissed his cheek, just wanting to distract herself for a few minutes seconds before she tried thinking again. Everything seemed clunky, too much for her dorky big brother. "It seems so awkward. Boiling Simon down to few minutes. How do I do that?"

"Why don't you just talk about him?" There he was again, the simple answer that didn't have a single simple or easy answer. Not a single one. "How he made you laugh, how he would come out to San Francisco whenever you were home and try to cheer you up." Both of those things were true. Simon was one of the funniest people she'd ever known, and whenever she'd come home from an assignment he'd been there, with ice-cream and a big brother hug. More often than not she'd needed that. Clearly Jon wasn't done thinking though. "How you got him security clearance just so you could tell him everything that you were doing during the war."

They were all good answers, and they would make great stories, but they seemed so small. Her fifty-two year old brother deserved much more than a few parlour stories. He deserved a book and more years on the planet. "Everything seems so small."

"What would you say at my funeral?" Jon asked quietly.

She rolled her eyes and shook her head. She didn't want to think about that, she couldn't think about that. Not right now. The idea of Jonathan's funeral made her sadder than she would like to admit. "That's just where we want this conversation to go."

"Erika, I'm serious. Think about it, what would you say at mine?" He pressed, and obviously he had a plan, or an idea, of how to get her writing this.

For some reason though, it was easier to imagine what she'd do in the event of Jon's death than what she needed to do now. "I'd mention all you'd done for Earth and Starfleet and the Federation. I'd talk about how great a dad you are, how terrible a husband you can be." She couldn't help but laugh and nudge him gently. She still didn't really be thinking about this, but she could understand why. "I'd say what I missed about you. How you only snore on your side, and how you only wear one sock to bed."

Jon held his hands up and pushed her too. "Do the same for Simon. Mention the things you miss about him." Could she just list all the reasons she missed Simon. There were a lot of them, and she wasn't sure she could do it enough.

"I don't know what they all are yet, Jon."

Jon took her hands and this time pulled her to lie down with him. It did make it a little easier to think about what she was thinking. "Tell me something you miss about him?"

"How he'd always know when I was struggling with a decision, even when we were lightyears apart, and he would call me and give me generic advice that always helped." She had looked forward to those calls, every last one of them. For years, when she was at her worst, she had only wanted to speak to the two men in her life. Her brother and Jon.

"And?" Jon tried to prompt her to keep her going.

"How he could always make me laugh, and how he always said that while you and he didn't see eye-to-eye he respected you because no matter what you always put me first. I can mention his services on the city council, and how he was considering running for governor." Politics was not at all something she understood, but eventually Simon had got her slightly interested.

"See. You already know what you want to say. Erika, I may be the diplomat in our family, you've always been the public speaker." She had to be once upon a time. She was the person who ran the press side of the NX programme. "When you're up on that podium you'll know exactly what to say, whether you've planned it or not."

It was only then that it hit her that she hadn't said that she missed him, that she wished her big brother was there to tell her that she better not screw it up. "I miss him already Jonathan." She blurted out, and felt the tears welling up again. She was glad it was just the two of them in the room, she didn't want to worry her nieces.

"I know, Rike. I know." He wrapped his arms around her as she once again cried into his chest. This had become a common way for them to sleep. He knew that she needed him, and she was so happy she didn't have to tell him that. It was not a situation she could have managed by herself. She would hopefully sleep, and that would mean she was better ready to face the following day and the arrival of the rest of their extended family. She didn't think she was ready to do this without Simon, but she would.


	18. Frayed Tempers

**Carla takes out her stress and frustration and sadness on Erika.**

**Shin xx**

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><p>She was sat on the table listening to Amelia practice the song they had picked for the funeral. It was an important moment for all of them, she knew that, but for some reason right now she couldn't think of much else she could do right now. The door opened, and she heard the telltale grumbling of her daughter. It sounded like Serena was possibly coming down with a cold. "Here you go, she's been grumbling for about ten minutes and daddy won't do." Jon unceremoniously handed her Serena, who immediately stopped grumbling and started sucking on Erika's collar in the way she almost always did.<p>

While she was happy to be holding Serena again, she also knew that the girls needed some time with her. There was a battle going on between her instinct as a mother and her brain knowing what she needed to do for the girls. "Jon, I'm supposed to be helping the girls prepare."

He didn't look very impressed at that, and she couldn't really blame him. It was clear that Serena wanted her mom, and Erika was just going to have to figure it all out. "I know, Rike, but your daughter needs you. I'll take over with the girls if you want?" That was a very sweet offer, but he had things to do too and couldn't waste time with things that she should really be doing.

"You need to go and collect everyone." She shook her head then slipped off the table, hoisting Serena higher on her hip and running her hand through Amelia's hair. "Don't worry Jon, I'll figure it out."

"Sure?" Jon asked again, and a second later Amelia had run off wherever she decided to go, probably to her room. She'd find out soon enough.

"Yeah, we'll work it out, won't we Bunny?" She smiled and kissed the baby's cheek before looking back to her husband. If he did what he needed to do the sooner it would all be over and they could start moving on.

He leant in and kissed Serena on the cheek then kissed her too. "Alright, I have a few of your cousins to pick up, then Trip. Then I'll be back." Jon walked out the door, then a second later he stuck his head back round the door and looked at her seriously. "Trip is staying here with us, that's OK, right?"

"Yeah. He can have the sofa." She motioned behind her and shook her head. They probably shouldn't have shown their friend any preferential treatment, but the difference was that they were both happy that Trip had made the trip, given that he wasn't related to any of them, while everyone else was related by blood. She was also sure that both she and Jon would benefit from having their friend there.

Clearly Jon realised she was still in a strange mental place. She kept thinking about what would happen now if anything happened to her and Jon. Not completely out of the realm of possibility given they were both in Starfleet. That was something else she wanted to talk to Trip about. "Stop worrying. I love you." Jon told her, and she nodded and gave Serena a squeeze since Jon was out of reach for the moment.

"Me too." She smiled and waved for him to go, not wanting them to miss the next shuttles and leave her cousins with another reason to complain. They all found reasons to complain without being left in the shuttleport. Once Jon had gone and she had checked the planner for what else she needed to do, she started rocking Serena gently and singing whichever song first came into her mind, that was until she heard Amelia's footsteps.

"Aunty E, can I wear this?" She asked seriously, holding up a dark blue dress. It was one of the only things Erika had seen when starting to pack Amelia's clothes that could have been appropriate for a funeral.

If Amelia wanted to wear that, or anything else, Erika wasn't going to tell her no. Amelia needed to express herself and her grief however she felt was best. "You can wear whatever you want Mela?"

"What will you be wearing?" She asked, and Erika wondered if she'd not seen Amelia a few months earlier at the last funeral. Then again, she hadn't been there for long. She'd needed to get home for work and Serena.

"Me, Trip and your Uncle Jon will all be wearing our dress uniforms."

Amelia looked confused for a second then asked another question. Was this what having a pre-teen was like, because she wasn't sure she'd last. "Is that what people in Starfleet do at funerals?"

"Yes." She picked up the paper on the table and smiled, hoping that she could sidetrack Amelia by reminding her that they still had things to learn and practice. "You remember the words?"

"I think so. I'll practice again." She smiled widely, then bounced and took the paper to the other side of the room.

"You do that, I want to go check on Cammie."

"OK." Amelia was clearly not paying any attention to what she was saying now, and that could come in handy. Especially since Carla had locked herself in her bedroom hours earlier and nobody had seen her since. Her elder niece had concerned her, and going checking that she wasn't doing something sketchy was the best idea.

"Let's see what your cousin Cammie is doing, huh?" She spoke to Serena quietly, then almost immediately regretted it when the toddler started crying again. The last she needed. "No, Bunny, come on. Mommy needs you to not be crying today." She muttered while climbing the stairs, she then knocked on the door to Carla's room, the room that had been hers growing up. "Cam, can I come in?"

She was left waiting longer than she appreciated, then the response when she finally got it was far less enthusiastic than she would have hoped. "Why not?"

Erika nudged the door open with her foot, and just looked at Carla seriously, it was obvious something was bugging her, past the obvious. Nothing could be resolved until they all knew what the problem was. "What's the matter?"

"It's hard to think with Serena crying all the time." Carla motioned to Serena, who wasn't actually crying, she was just grumbling a little, probably in response to Carla's clear annoyance toward everything. That didn't stop the obvious point about having a baby around. It wasn't always the easiest, but it was something that came with that fact.

"She's a baby, Carla." That point seemed somewhat evident, but she repeated it anyway. It seemed that it needed repeating too. "What do you expect her to do, speak in pentameter?" That was maybe a little uncalled for, but it was also necessary.

Carla's shoulders slumped and she shook her head. There was a hint of disappointment in her voice too. "I just thought she was going to be with Jon today."

"So did I, but she's a baby and she wanted her mommy." It maybe wasn't surprising, especially if Serena was coming down with a cold like she thought. Carla herself had been a huge mommy's girl when she was Serena's age. Mostly she needed to be left with Maria or she screamed the house down. "You used to be the same when you were a baby. All you wanted was Maria, nobody else would do."

"Well, I still want my mom but she's not here, and all I have left is you." The last was snarled in her direction, and Erika couldn't help but take it as a personal insult.

It wasn't her fault that this had gone on, and it wasn't her fault that she was all they had left. She would give anything not to be in this situation, but it didn't work that way. "I'm sorry I'm not your mom, Cam, but I can't really change what happened. All I can do is try and do the best I can, but I don't know how to. I don't." She was trying, but this was not something she was prepared for. "I never planned on being a parent, and I hoped I could learn as I was going with Serena, but I don't know how to raise you and Amelia. Alright. I don't know what I'm doing."

"That's pretty obvious." Carla shouted, then walked past Erika and ran down the stairs.

She shouted after her, but was pretty sure it would have no effect. "Carla."

"I'm going out."

"Cammie can I come?"

"Stay with aunt Erika, Mela." She heard Carla reply, and a second later the door slammed shut. She had no idea where Carla was going, nor what she was going to do while she was there.

Erika couldn't bring herself to move from the step she'd sunk onto when Carla had stormed out. She just sat and waited, holding Serena and trying to get her daughter to stop crying. "Are you OK aunty E?" Amelia asked, then she sat down next to Erika. And suddenly it was more obvious that she didn't know what to do.

"I will be, sweetie." She muttered to Amelia and wrapped an arm around her youngest niece. Nothing was as obvious right now as the fact that she was not prepared for this at all. Carla's reaction had slapped her in the face harder than she'd expected, so she just cried with Serena, and let Amelia comfort them both.


	19. The Park II

**Jon finds Carla, and points out some truths to her.**

**Shin xx**

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><p>He wasn't really that surprised to find Carla in the local park, the same place he'd been the night before with Serena and Erika. He'd arrived back to check on Serena to find a sleeping toddler and a tearstained wife. Erika hadn't wanted to talk about it, but eventually Amelia had told him what Carla had been shouting, and after he'd comforted his wife a little he'd set off in search of his niece. Whenever Erika was upset when they were here this was where she came, so he'd guessed maybe Carla would follow in her aunts' footsteps. He hadn't been disappointed. "I heard you blew up at Erika today?" He said by way of greeting, it was certainly more effective than anything else.<p>

Carla looked over her shoulder at him and shrugged, then went back to studying whatever it was that had previously caught her attention. It wasn't until he had stopped beside her at the fence that she spoke. "Yeah, where'd you hear that?"

"Amelia." He admitted, having a feeling that the sibling rivalry he'd always seen between Simon and Erika might well be alive and kicking in Carla and Amelia. It was also important that Carla know Erika hadn't sold her out. "I tried to ask Erika but she didn't want to talk about it."

After a second Carla scoffed and leant further over the fence. He was learning more and more about sibling rivalry the longer he was around this family. "Amelia's a little shit." That seemed to be the Hernandez code for loving your siblings, he'd heard Erika and Simon say it about each other more than once.

In this case though, Amelia had a right to be worried. Things were already scary for her, they really didn't need to be made worse by anyone blaming anyone else, or expecting more than could be given. "She's worried about her family, something you haven't helped with this display."

Carla sighed, then turned round so she could face him properly. "Uncle Jon… she doesn't know what she's doing?"

"Amelia or Erika?" It was a valid question, but at the moment he didn't think any of them knew what they were doing or how they were doing it. So he could defend either of them.

The teen thought for a minute then sighed again. "Erika."

"Of course she doesn't. I don't know what I'm doing." He felt that was best to admit straight away. They were not prepared to raise children older than Serena, they were meant to be learning with a baby, they hadn't had the chance. That was important for Carla to understand. "We're the parents of a baby, Cam. You don't get an instruction manual that tells you how to raise children the day you become a parent. You learn as you go along. Erika and I are good parents of a one year old, we have no idea how to transfer that to you and Amelia."

"At least you're trying." Carla said bitterly, and he understood a little more. Carla didn't think Erika was trying hard enough with the girls. He didn't agree, but he understood.

"So is she." He gently prodded, hoping that he could at least try and show her that Erika was trying. She wanted this to work so desperately.

"She always has Serena with her," was the next complaint, and this one Jon was a little surprised by. There were things he would have thought were obvious, apparently they weren't.

Having Serena with her was one of Erika's coping strategies at the moment. She was becoming overprotective. He knew it would wear off when they got home, but right now he was just letting her do what her instincts told her to do, and he'd explain that the best he could. "Of course she does. Serena is her baby, and her instinct is to protect her, even from others she loves."

"I don't know what to do Uncle Jon. It's hard." Carla looked like she was about to cry, but Jon wasn't going to stop until she understood that what was going on was nothing to do with her.

"It's harder for Erika. Yes, you lost your mom and dad, and I know how terrible that is. It's only been a few months since your Abuela died, and that ended years of something that hurt Erika every day." He had listened to Erika try and convince her mother that they had made up, and ended their argument a decade earlier. It hadn't worked, and Simon had been on hand there. "Your dad was the one who got her through that. The years she went through with your Abuela hating her, and she did hate her. Simon has been her best friend since she was younger than you are now."

Carla just shook her head and looked at Jon with a frown. Maybe she was beginning to understand that being hard on Erika was the last thing that anyone needed right now. "She still has you and Serena though."

"You still have me and Serena too, and Amelia and Erika. When you reach our ages, and you've been through what Erika and I have been through, you don't have that many people left." That was especially true for those of them in Starfleet. He could count on two hands the number of true friends they had left. "She lost more friends than she'd care to admit during the war, and all she had left when we got home was your family and me. That was it. Yes, we've gained Serena since then, but your parents were two important people to her, and she needs to get used to it too." They all needed to get used to it, and they would, in time. "Don't punish her because she's not your mom. Have you never wondered why it was not debated that you'd be leaving with Erika and I?"

Carla looked at him wide eyed, and clearly it never had crossed her mind. "No, why?"

"Because when your parents were discussing your guardians when you were a baby, your aunt Gina said she didn't want you. She couldn't raise you. Erika called her a coward." Jon paused for a second when it looked like Carla was about to speak, but when she didn't he just continued on. "Gina, at that time, said she wanted a family, Erika never did. Erika still signed those papers and promised that you would always have somewhere to live, and someone who loved you."

"Really?"

"Yeah. Believe me, Cam. We know we're not good at this, but we're trying. Erika more than anyone." He knew that Erika would want the girls safe most of all, but they were all flying without a safety net.

This time it was obvious Carla now regretted what she'd said and done a few hours earlier. "I feel even worse now for blowing up at her. I'm just so angry, why'd God have to break my family apart Uncle Jon. Why'd it have to be us?" They were some of the most difficult questions in any situation, most of all this one.

"I can't answer that Cammie, but I can tell you that you will never be short a home. You're stuck with Erika, she's been fighting for you since before you were born. Amelia too." He smiled and remembered all the times he'd fought with Erika about the girls, be it their Christmas presents or what they should do for their birthdays. Erika always wanted to spoil them.

"Maybe I should apologise." She mumbled a few seconds later.

"You should, but really mean it. Don't apologise because you think you should, or because I tell you to." That wouldn't fix anything, and he didn't want Carla to feel browbeaten into doing anything. "Do it because you really want to apologise to her, and that you realise that maybe you don't know everything."

"I'm fifteen, Uncle Jon, I'm pretty sure I don't know everything." She laughed, and he knew the tension was broken now.

"Well, that's a start." he noticed now that she was beginning to shiver, and this temperature was probably a little cold for someone from these parts. He was still pleasantly warm, but it would probably be best he get Carla indoors. "Come on, you must be cold."

"You aren't even wearing a coat."

When he was young this would have been summer weather in New York. He had spent most winters far colder than this. "I spent winter in upstate New York, this isn't cold for me."

"God, aunt Erika married a badass." Carla grinned, and he just shrugged.

"You've been saying that about me since you were three. Come on." With that he wrapped his arm around Carla's shoulder and started walking her back in the direction of the Hernandez home. He hoped that was the last time Carla would question Erika's dedication to what they were trying to learn here, but he wasn't so sure. It was easy enough to say that you understood when being faced by it, but in a few days she might forget, or it might slip when they were two thousand kilometres from here.


	20. More arrivals

**Trip arrives. **

**Shin xx**

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><p>It had taken half an hour to get Carla and Erika to the point where neither one of them was going to burst into tears if they looked at one another. The compromised had ended up being that Carla help Amelia practice their song for at the funeral, while Erika took another run at her eulogy while Serena had a nap. That had meant he was a little late picking Trip up. Thankfully, Trip, or more likely, Hoshi, had had the forethought that he would be better travelling in civvies. It was only as he was approaching the shuttleport that he shouted in greeting, hoping that he didn't leave his friend too long. "Hey. You look good, Captain."<p>

Trip grinned then returned Jon's bear-hug with equal force. This was definitely a far preferred meeting than every other one he'd had here today. There was a reason he'd advise that Trip arrive last. It meant he would have gotten all of Erika's, and Maria's, family settled away before they went back to the house and he gave Jorge his hovercar back. When Trip pulled back he kept hold of Jon's shoulders and studied him for a second before speaking. "You look like hell. How is it all?"

"It could probably be worse." He started, but after a second he realised how stupid a thing that actually was to say. It really couldn't be much worse, not for his family. "We just had a scene this afternoon, actually, and Erika's feeling a little fragile." That was a bit of an understatement, but he was sure Erika would have pulled herself together again by the time they got back to the house.

After a second Trip just looked sad, and Jon realised why he had probably come. He'd lost his sister the year before Jon and Erika had reconnected, but if anyone knew how Erika was feeling right now, it'd be him. "I know how she feels. Probably better than you do." The good-natured jab as a little more painful than Jon wanted to admit right now, because he was becoming well aware the he couldn't really relate to how Erika was feeling.

"It's not just that, though that has her feeling more than a little down." She definitely missed Simon, and that was making her so easily affected by what Carla was saying and how the teen was acting, but he knew right now Carla was the problem. That was something that he didn't think Trip could live with. While his nephew was a little older than Carla, Trip hadn't been involved with Phillip's kids much, and he hadn't had to take care of them either. "She got reamed out by Carla earlier."

"Ouch, yeah. That'll do it." Trip grimaced, and clearly wasn't going to try and claim to understand how he felt for that one.

Jon had to admit, he could understand why Carla was upset, and for some reason he felt it was necessary he explain that to Trip. "I don't necessarily blame Carla, she's struggling and she can't blame anyone else." This situation had guaranteed them all that.

"Yeah, I feel for Erika though." Trip's face was a mask of sympathy and worry. Jon forgot more often than he probably should that Erika and Trip had served together, however briefly, and were friends in their own right. "You got that sorted?"

"After I found Carla and convinced her back to the house. In less than 48 hours the girls are going to be living with us in San Francisco." There was a hint of panic in him as he realised that. They weren't even remotely ready, any of them. "How are we supposed to prepare for that?"

"You probably can't, you're just gonna have to adjust to everything as you go." Logicly, Jon knew that, but he hadn't really wanted to admit it. At least, not yet. He wanted to believe, however briefly, that they could just be ready to go in the morning. "Did the girls say goodbye to their friends?"

He nodded, finally leading Trip back toward the hovercar along with his bag. It seemed to be the thing that Erika was focusing on right now, making sure the girls were prepared for leaving. So she'd made sure they'd said goodbye. "Yesterday. It was emotional for all involved." By the time he and Erika had returned home everyone had been crying, including Erika and Serena. It had taken a long time to get everyone calm.

"Probably for the best they did it." As they reached the hovercar Trip stopped and looked at him seriously. It was a little worrying to see his own worry for his family being reflected back at him from his best friend. "How are you coping through all this?"

He hasn't taken the time to think about how he felt. He was far too focused on Erika and the girls. While they were his family, he wasn't Simon's family, not really. Erika was his wife and he loved her, and he loved her family, but he'd never really been a part of it the same as others were. "My feelings don't matter."

"The hell they don't. Come on Jon?" Trip clearly wasn't about to let him shirk the conversation. It wasn't one he particularly wanted, but he knew what Trip was doing. They'd done it for each other plenty of times. Making sure they could carry on. It had started during the war, and like the majority of those bonds and routines, they had continued after the end of the conflict.

"I've not really thought about it. I'm sad Simon and Maria are gone, sad the girls will grow up without their parents." it sounded wrong that that was all he really felt. He probably would have felt worse if he had known them better, but he'd never really known them, especially Maria. He and Simon had mostly come to a truce when Serena was born, Simon realising that Jon wasn't going to run out on his sister, and Jon realising that Simon was just worried about his sister. "But I never really knew Maria, and Simon and I mostly got on just because of the fact I married his sister. It's complicated."

Trip nodded, opening the door this time and slipping into the passenger side. Jon just stared at the spot he'd vacated for a minute then shook his head, deciding that it wasn't worth saying anything. Almost the minute he'd sat down Trip was talking again. "Sometimes the complicated feelings are the ones that surprise us the most. "

"How come you have all this fortune-cookie wisdom?"

"Hoshi, you had to ask?" That suddenly did explain a lot. Hoshi was always quick to reply with that kind of wisdom if it applied.

"Yeah, I should have known."

Trip nodded then looked out the window at the landscape around. Jon recalled Trip's distaste of the desert, maybe the times he'd visited Vulcan had changed his mind, or maybe not. "Shi and Veronica are both sorry they couldn't be here. Veronica took a shuttle up to Alaska this afternoon, won't be back until the early hours Saturday." None of them had been sure that piloting the chartered shuttles would have actually worked for Veronica after she had to leave Starfleet, they were all glad that in the last 9 months she'd proven them wrong. "Porthos went with her. Poor old boy, he misses you."

That wouldn't surprise him, but right now he wouldn't be surprised if his old companion was happier without having Serena in the house. Babies and pets didn't always mix. It also meant Porthos had spent more time with Erika over the last few months. "He misses Erika more. They've finally bonded and now he spends half his time at home curled up with Erika."

"You're always playing with Serena, and while Porthos is a calm little puppy, I can't image at his age a baby is too agreeable." So, Trip did understand the complexities of owning a pet and a baby.

But while it was hard, Serena and Porthos seemed to have a truce. As much as a dog and a baby could. "Well, I wouldn't put it quite like that, but-"

"But I'm right." Trip smirked, and Jon finally got the car going, ready to get back to the house.

There were other things they could talk about, but apparently the current situation had taken over both their minds when they had started. "You should tell me about your ship, and how you've enjoyed your first year as a Captain."

"Tonight, lets go get you back to your family."

"I can talk now." Jon said, mostly because he both wanted to get back and really didn't want to get back.

"Jon, you've been checking your chrono every thirty seconds. You're worried something will spark off there, I can tell."

He wasn't necessarily worried something might spark off, but he was worried he'd get back to them all upset with each other again. He was all out of patience now. "Trip I just, I don't know if I can sit idly by if Erika is upset again. I know Carla has a right to be upset, and I told her calmly that taking it out on Erika is unfair, but that might not stop her lashing out again." He hated when Erika was upset, and most of the time he couldn't control it, but sometimes when he could it was hard to stay level headed.

"Erika's your wife, Serena's your daughter." The obvious needing to be stated again, but Jon was looking forward to seeing what kind of wisdom Trip was going to lay on him this time. "While you love Carla and Amelia they aren't yours and you're not sure you'll treat them the same?"

That was exactly the problem. "Yeah."

"You'll get used to it, just like everything else." Trip was clearly a little annoyed at Jon's stance right now, because he turned and glared at him before speaking again. "You agreed to this, Jon. You don't get to wuss out now because it might be hard, you idiot."

"I feel good about myself when we talk." He commented sarcastically. Sometimes, it was obvious why Trip and Erika got on. They both had a way with words, and a skill at calling him pathetic.

"It's a gift I have." Trip smirked, and Jon momentarily flashed back to the dozens of times that he'd had this conversation with his friend. "Come on, let's get you back. I'm looking forward to seeing Serena now, I haven't seen her since she was about six weeks old."

"Oh you wouldn't believe how big she is. Looks just like Erika, funnily enough, considering babies normally look like their father for the first year or so. Besides her hair colour there is nothing from me that Serena inherited." Talking about his daughter was definitely a much more pleasant topic, and it wasn't going to end in him feeling either worried or inadequate. He really wanted to be able to focus more on what was going on with the rest of their family, but right now his priority was his wife, her priority was everyone else. He was going to have to learn how to balance this, because if he didn't he would only have more trouble down the line.


	21. Reconciliation

**Erika and Carla make up.**

**Shin xx**

* * *

><p>It had been a long day, and it wasn't really even close to being done. She was still working on the eulogy. She didn't have a clue what to say, or how to boil Simon down into the few lines that were needed to be said about him. At least Serena had stayed asleep, and Carla had stayed with Amelia. What had been said a few hours earlier still hurt, and she really needed to brush it off. Jon had managed to show Erika the problems of her process, and he'd managed to bring Carla home and back in line. They just needed to sit and talk. Maybe she should search out her elder niece and make peace. "Aunt Erika," came a voice from the stairs.<p>

"What's up Cammie?" She asked, a little nervous about what was going to be said to her, that was until she held the content babbling of Serena, and realised that Carla must have brought Serena down when she woke up. Serena hadn't seemed to have cried at all, and seemed content in her cousin's arms. At least until she was in reach of her mother. "Oh, hey Bunny. Did you wake up?" She asked rhetorically and took Serena from Carla, who then just stood awkwardly by the chair.

"She was sat babbling to herself when I looked in on her." That explained a lot. Serena had been doing that more and more often over the last few days, seemingly getting more sense out of her own company than anyone else. "Mela wanted to play her game, she knows the song anyway."

Erika couldn't help but just smile at that. While this wasn't the best news, she felt better having Serena in her arms. If Amelia was content with knowing the song for the funeral, and Carla didn't think she needed any more practice, it was probably a good deal, and it would give them all chance to have an early night. "That's good, isn't it?"

Carla, clearly, hadn't wanted to leave it at that, not right now at least. "I wanted to say I'm sorry again, for what I said before." She started, but this time Erika held a hand up and didn't want to hear it again. She knew that Carla was sorry, and that was enough.

"It's fine, don't worry about it any more." She knew it sounded like an order, but she couldn't help it. You could take the Captain out of Starfleet, but you couldn't really take the Starfleet out of the Captain, at least not in her experience.

There was a little more awkward hovering, then Carla pulled out the seat beside Erika and sat down, looking completely serious and deathly afraid at the exact same time, how she managed that Erika wasn't going to ask. "Jon told me, about aunt Gina." She should probably not have been surprised by that. Gina's denial of the girls was not something Erika had ever appreciated, and she had never wanted them to know. Jon was angry with Gina, had been for more than a decade, so she wasn't surprised he'd let it slip "I never knew she felt like that, or that you felt like that."

She, Simon and Maria had all agreed a long time ago that telling the girls about Gina's position wouldn't have helped anyone, so it would have been better for them not to learn about it. If not for this situation, Erika was sure they never would have found out. "None of us ever wanted you to know how Gina thought after you were born." She had her own thoughts too. She didn't want them to feel like they were unwanted, or like they weren't worth the love they deserved. "I never wanted you to feel like you were a burden."

"We're not, are we?" Carla asked, and Erika just reached out and took one of Carla's hands in hers, making sure Serena was all secure too.

"No, you're not. You never were." Simon and Maria had been so happy when Carla had been born, and that excitement and happiness had been contagious. Even now, with all the changes about to come in their lives, neither she nor Jon thought of the girls as a burden, and that was important right now. "Definitely not to me, not to Jon."

Carla nodded then squeezed Erika's hand back, and that gave the first inkling that things were OK between them, at least for now. After a few seconds Carla shrugged and pulled back. "I'm just mad, and I'm a little jealous of Serena."

"Why?" She really had to refrain from laughing, she was being let in and pointing out that Serena was a year old was almost certainly not the way to go.

It looked like Carla might have figured out that Erika was confused by the statement, since rather than changing the subject she started explaining. "Because she still has you, and Jon. She has her mom and dad." OK. That made some sense, and Erika was about to reply, but Carla just kept going. "You and Jon have been together as long as I can remember and you've been in such dangerous positions. Like, you two survived through the war, commanding two of Earth's only ships that could take the fight to the Romulans, and you're here now with Rena." Serena clearly realised she was being spoken about and stopped trying to pull her sock off. "Mom and dad were in one accident, and they never came home. It's like you and Jon are indestructible and Rena will always have you."

"So will you, and Amelia. Cam, Jon and I aren't taking you in because you've nowhere else to go. We're taking you in because you're our family." There was never any doubt, for either of them. "Did you know you were the first baby your Uncle Jon held?"

"Really?" That had done the trick, and now Carla was looking more interested than upset, and Erika was sure he could remembered a few stories to remind Carla they'd been involved all her life.

"Yeah, we were all back on the NX programme, and none of us had been around children very much. Then Simon brought you to the hangar for a visit and you got passed around the team." Sam and Rob had each held her for a photograph, then ran away. AG had been smitten immediately and that was the day she'd known AG would have been an amazing father. Jon had sat completely unmoving for the whole five minutes he held her. It had been hilarious, she and Simon had taken so many photos that day. "I have all the photos when we get back to San Francisco, I'll dig them out and show you. You won't even remember most of the others. You haven't seen Sam and Rob since you were 6 or 7, I don't think you ever saw AG again, though his daughter is a little younger than Amelia." She didn't remember for certain, but she knew that all of them had asked after Carla often following that day. Probably the most famous baby in Starfleet for a while.

"You and Uncle Jon have had such intense, exciting lives."

Erika tried to take that as it was meant, but really, nothing they had done had been easy, and most of it she wished hadn't happened, though there was so very little she could change now. "We've had very hard lives, don't let the excitement make you think any different. We both lost good friends, parts of our other family."

"What's it like, being a Captain?" Carla asked, and it was going to be hard for her to answer and not terrify Carla.

So she sad back and thought, bouncing Serena on her knee as she did. It was hard to reduce being a Captain to a soundbite, but she'd try. "Terrifying, and liberating, and absolutely exhausting." They were not the best words, but they were the only ones she could think of. She just realised right now she had no idea what Carla hoped to be after university. "You know, I never asked you if you'd decided what you wanted to do when you're an adult."

"For a while, when I was younger, I wanted to join Starfleet." That was surprising, Erika wouldn't have thought that anyone would be less likely to join Starfleet than Carla. She was about to say that when Carla smirked. "But now really, I just want to be a teacher. History, preferably."

That sparked a memory, and she was sure that being a history teacher would be perfect for Carla. "You'd be good at that. You used to write me, when you first started school and I was the XO on the Republic, and you'd end every letter with a history fact you learnt that week in school. I'd then report it in our senior staff briefing. You taught a lot of grumpy Starfleet officers about history when you were little."

"I never knew that."

"I never had a reason to tell you before. Cammie, I know that none of this is good, and it's probably worse for you than it is for me." She missed her brother, but she didn't depend on him, he wasn't her father. She remembered how she felt when her father died, and how she missed him even now. But the one thing she could ensure was that the girls had a happy, loving home. "But you are not unwanted now, you were never unwanted. Don't worry about what people say, just know that you always have a home, and a family."

Carla smiled, then reached out and gently tickled Serena's stomach. "Thanks, I think I just needed to know that."

"You know, you could help me. I still don't know what to write about your dad." Erika motioned to the PADD that was in front of her. She had no idea what to say about Simon, so maybe Carla could come up with something that would be appropriate. Right now, Erika was just relieved that they'd managed to put this behind them, because they needed each other, probably more than they wanted to admit right now.


	22. Guardianship

**Trip is asked a serious questions.**

**Shin xx**

* * *

><p>It had been a long evening, and Serena had really not wanted to do anything helpful. Erika had really needed a shower after she and Carla had finished writing the eulogy. At least it was written, and she could do what she needed for the rest of the night. Then Serena had sat in the crib after she had a shower and all Serena had done was scream and cry if anyone went near her and her repeated mumbles of 'da' was making it rather clear who she wanted. Jon was out probably catching up with Trip, so she was a little grateful when he finally walked through the door, and in lieu of any sort of greeting she thought giving him the relevant information was more important. "Your daughter wants you. She's in our room, screams if anyone comes near her and asks for da."<p>

"What did you do to her?" He asked, and she tried to think of some offence against the littlest one, but given they were dealing with their little one it could be anything.

She rolled her eyes and groaned, the only thing that could pass for a reason. "I had a shower and dared leave her in the crib."

"I'll get her." Jon giggled and kissed her forehead before hurrying past to collect Serena.

"Hey you." She smiled, seeing Trip finally running up the driveway with his bag. It was a relief to see one of her actual friends, rather than the people from this town who she'd moved to Starfleet to escape originally 30 years earlier.

Trip opened his arms and wrapped her into a very non-Starfleet hug, something else that helped her feel better. Since Trip's brief stint on Columbia the two of them had cultivated a good friendship, and she looked on him like a little brother. It therefore felt nice to have his support too. "How you holding up?"

"I've been worse." She shrugged and smiled then stepped back. She was sure she didn't need to explain to Trip how she was feeling. He'd lost a sibling too, and he'd therefore surely know how she felt without an explanation.

"It gets easier, this must be Carla." He smiled, and she looked over her shoulder and suddenly realised that she was going to be spending the rest of her life surrounded by family members and friends who were all far taller than her. A beat later Trip echoed her thought. "You're huge."

"Hi." Carla smiled, and looked just a little bit awkward and shy, not something Erika had ever seen much evidence of. That girl had been fearless all her life, but this situation seemed to have knocked it out of her, at least for now.

It was also very possible that Carla didn't remember Trip. She'd been quite young the last time they'd met. "This is Trip Tucker, he's known Jon almost as long as I have." She'd known Jon a couple of year longer. It still amused her a little that despite both of them being close to Jon, they'd never actually met until she'd hired him for Columbia. They'd known of each other, and she had no doubt Trip had known about their relationship when she hired him, but they hadn't officially met. "You met him once when you were little and we came to do a talk at the school."

"I remember, just about." Carla smiled then turned her attention back to her aunt. "Can I go to Kate's for a couple of hours?"

"Sure, be back at curfew." Providing that Carla was back at curfew she didn't see why she couldn't go and stay with her best friend for a couple of hours.

"I will, nice to meet you again, Trip." Carla said politely before running out the door before anyone could say anything.

"You too." Trip echoed after her, then smiled at Erika and slipped through to the living room. In the silence they could both hear Jon in the room at the back talking to Serena and, hopefully getting the baby calm again. "She's huge, I remember her being that little thing that wouldn't leave Jon alone when we came out here after the Expanse."

That seemed like a very long time ago. When she and Veronica were making decisions on the crew for Columbia. Long before the war and everything else she'd seen and done in the last few years. "I wish she was still that little. That was almost 9 years ago."

"That's terrifying. Too much has happened in ten years." That was a point she could readily agree with. Too much had happened and very little of it had been good.

"You're telling me." She was distracted from that line of thought by Jon's sudden appearance with Serena perched happily on his hip. "Clearly, Bunny really did want daddy."

"She's been clingy the last couple days, oh, maybe not." Jon edited his sentence as Serena immediately decided that she wanted to be held by her uncle Trip. It had been a long time since Serena had taken to someone as instantly as she did then to Trip.

Trip didn't seem to mind a little, and took Serena happily and gave the baby the hug she clearly demanded. "Hey little one. You're getting huge too."

Jon smiled, then Erika shifted so he could collapse onto the sofa beside her. It was only now she started realising that maybe she was sleepier than she'd let on. It was a little too early for her to sleep though. It would soon be bedtime though. "You wouldn't believe Amelia, she's asleep now though, bedtime for her is eight-thirty." Jon continued speaking, and Erika realised she'd zoned out.

Trip just grinned and shook his head, and suddenly Erika didn't want to know what they'd been doing before they got back. "I didn't even realise it got so late."

With it being so late when she and the kids had eaten, she'd made sure to put some aside for the two men. It also helped that Carla had been there to help her make a slightly more palatable food. "I've saved some dinner for you both in the kitchen. The upside to this is that Carla can cook, far better than me."

"That's not hard." Jon smirked, and Erika just rolled slightly and glared at him. It was a dangerous time for him to try and tease her.

"You beware, he's holding the baby right now you don't have any protection."

Trip ended up bursting out laughing and distracting the two of them. "You two never change do you? Come on kiddo, Uncle Trip needs to get something to eat, go back to mommy." Erika sat forward and held her arms out, but Serena made it quite obvious that she was happy sat on Trip's knee. That wasn't going to help anyone. "Or maybe not."

"She's decided she wants you. Come on Bunny, lets go get into jammies and let daddy and Trip eat." She stood up and this time picked Serena up without giving her chance to complain too much about it. By the time they got to the bedroom Serena was making sure everyone knew about her unhappiness, and Erika was well aware that Amelia was sound asleep upstairs. "Please Bun, you'll wake Amelia up." She begged as she changed Serena into her pyjamas, then picked up the old teddy she'd found in a corner of the toy box earlier in the day. Her first teddy bear, and the one her mother had clearly thought to keep. "Here, play with Rhubarb until I'm changed."

After she finally got back into her own pyjamas and Serena finally stopped crying while playing with Rhubarb, she could finally rejoin the boys. She'd hoped Serena would fall asleep on her own, but it was becoming clear that she wasn't sleepy, so rejoining Trip and Jon included Serena too. "I forgot how noisy babies were. Tosh just talks, a lot."

"She's a clever little one though. Here, you have her." Erika handed Serena and Rhubarb to Trip, then resumed her place next to Jon, extremely grateful of the break from having their clingy little one with someone else. "Rhubarb works on keeping her quiet. I'm glad I found him."

"Me too. He's ugly though." Jon grinned and kissed the top of her head before she had the chance to pinch him as much as she had wanted to at first.

"You behave." Was instead her only word of warning, and she hoped that Jon would heed it. The likelihood was not large.

It seemed that her warning reminded Jon of something, because he suddenly looked brighter again. "Trip, Erika and I had something we wanted to run by you, while I'm thinking about it." Erika wracked her brain for a moment, clearly having forgotten whatever they'd spoken about. It only took a few seconds for her to remember what it was.

"Yeah?" Trip just looked confused.

"Well, since we've now taken on guardianship of the girls, we need people to be on the paperwork if something ever happened to us." It wasn't out of the realm of possibility, they were both still in Starfleet, and while Jon was planetbound now, she could still get called for shipboard service if someone felt like it. "I know you and Hoshi happily signed for Rena, but do you think you'd sign for them too."

"I don't see why not, Hoshi and I would need to talk about it though." That was fair, and Erika understood completely. She'd be pretty angry if Jon made a decision this important without talking to her.

"Of course, we just wanted to run it by you." She nodded, then smiled again, just glad to know there might be a chance. There were no other two people she'd entrust her family to.

"You two aren't gonna need anyone else. The universe can't be that cruel to those two girls."

"I hope so."

"You know, I'm really tired after today, I'm going to go get Rena to sleep then go to bed myself. Can you stay up for Cammie?" She probably didn't need to ask, he was as worried about Carla after today as she was, but it was still more polite.

Jon nodded then rested his forehead against hers for a second. She took a deep breath and smiled, hoping he knew she really was just tired. "Sure. I'll be up as soon as she's home." He muttered a second later then kissed her gently before she got up.

"Night Trip, see you in the morning. Say night Bunny." Erika smiled and picked Serena up from Trip's lap. She knew it was time Serena needed to be in bed as instead of fussing she just found the tassel on her pyjamas and started sucking on it. It was going to be a long day tomorrow, and she really needed the sleep that was on offer.


	23. Friday Morning

**Friday Morning.**

**Shin xx**

* * *

><p>He hadn't been sure when he'd woken up, all he knew was that right now it was Friday, and they all needed to be awake. He was surprised because he hadn't been woken up by Serena and her usual need for her parents first thing in a morning. So all he did was check his chrono, then realise that Erika was still laid next to him. He needed to get them up, and get them ready for the day. "We need to get up." He mumbled, and kissed Erika's shoulders. He had his tricks for waking his wife up, and this was definitely one that worked.<p>

She mumbled something completely illegible, then rolled over and curled into his chest as she often did on days she didn't want to wake up. "No we don't."

"We do." He continued pressing, because she really couldn't be stubborn about getting up today. They had too much they needed to do. He knew that family friends would be arriving to set the wake up soon, and they needed to get to the church for the visitation soon. He kept forgetting that Erika and her family were actually very religious, and they did things like this by tradition. "Come on, let's get up."

"Nope." Erika mumbled again, getting herself comfy against his chest. He wasn't fooled, this was exactly how she normally got before she let herself fall back to sleep. "Carla came and got Serena an hour ago so we could stay in bed a while." She kept talking, and he wondered how long in Erika's mind 'a while' was today.

He let her get comfortable, mostly because he loved having her cuddled there, but then he knew that they needed to move. No matter how he felt like lazy mornings like this were them making up for the years they'd been forced to spend apart. "Erika, come on. People will be arriving soon."

"Let Trip deal with them." Was her response to that, and while he would have loved to see Trip try and handle any of the Hernandez clan, he also was not that cruel a friend, and didn't think Erika was either. Her family was hard to handle when you were a part of it.

"Your family?"

That got the reaction he wanted, and Erika growled and pushed herself into a sitting position. "Why did you have to make that point?" She said, then wandered to the bathroom. When she came back out a few seconds later the misery was obvious on her face, more pronounced than it had been for days.

"What's up?" He knew there was a lot wrong, but this seemed to be extra. He wondered if the altercation with Carla was still playing on her mind, or if this was all just about today. He hadn't been to a family funeral for someone he had grown up with since his fathers' almost 40 years earlier, so he wasn't really sure how he should feel about it.

She ended up sitting on the edge of the bed, and he climbed out from under the light blanket so he could sit behind her and wrap his arms around her tightly. Something about this situation had made them a lot more tactile than they usually were. "I don't want to face today. I want to pretend today isn't happening." She replied eventually, talking to the ceiling as she rested back against him.

"You don't have much of a choice in that."

She shook her head, and he was sure if he hadn't sat with her wrapped up she would have tried to make a break for the blanket. "Yes I do, we can just stay in bed and bury our heads."

"Erika, come on." He whispered then kissed her cheek and burrowed his head into the crook of her neck, just wanting to remind her that no matter what she was always going to have family and friends right there. "Trip remembered to pick up our dress uniforms so I hung them over the window."

"That's nice, you can go, have fun." She responded, but her cheek was still pressed to the top of his head. He knew he was just going to have to keep pushing her toward actually getting ready. Especially since she suddenly seemed as stubborn as she ever had been in avoiding things.

"Erika Amaralis Hernandez."

That made Erika chuckle, and he wasn't entirely sure why. Her name had been her name since her confirmation when she was seven. He had learnt a lot about that tradition last time he'd spoken to Erika's mother. "There should be an Archer in there somewhere."

"Take that up with yourself." Erika had always been unsure about adding his surname to her name, although she did introduce herself to people outside of Starfleet as Erika Archer-Hernandez, that had never been made official. Maybe it was time she did if she was going to give him a hard time about it.

Obviously she was thinking along the same lines. "I will."

Now it was time he be serious, and remind her that the funeral wasn't something for her, it was a send of for her brother, and closure for their whole family. They all needed it. "Rike, I know you don't want to face today, but your brother deserves to be remembered by those who loved him best, you and the girls."

That caused her to stand up and glare at him. He knew that he'd convinced her of why getting up and going was actually important. They all needed it. "Damn you and your emotional manipulation."

"Truth, Rike. Truth." He smiled, and caught the underwear that was suddenly thrown at him in one hand, realising that she was throwing his blues at him. That was a not so transparent demand for him to get ready too.

It was at the moment, as he was getting his underwear on, that he realised Erika had picked her uniform up and was just staring at it. "I hope I still fit my dress uniform. I haven't worn this one since Serena was born."

Her mother had died since Serena was born, and she'd worn a dress uniform to that. "What about the one you wore to your mom's"

"Veronica's. She's taller than me so it was looser and I fit it OK." Erika looked concerned, but he wasn't entirely sure why. As long as she was in uniform she'd be fine, surely.

Jon shook his head, amazed that his beautiful wife could be so concerned about whether or not she'd fit. It didn't really matter in the long run, not to him anyway. "You'll fit fine, you fit your old uniforms."

"They weren't quite as tight."

"Look I know you're not looking forward to this, nobody would, but you need to do it. You and the girls all need closure, and Simon deserves to be memorialised." He would keep pushing her, because he knew she needed this. "Just remember, I'll be right there, Serena and Trip and the girls will all be right there. Then tomorrow we go home and we start moving on, all of us."

"I can't believe it's today Jonathan." She shook her head, and all he could do was step up and wrap his arms around her again.

"I know. I love you, and I'm so proud of you."

"I love you." She replied and turned round and buried her head into his chest, he felt that if she let her tears fall now she'd be able to make it through the funeral easier. He hated that it had come to this, and that they needed to say goodbye to a guy just a few months older than he was. He hoped that the day was easier than it appeared, if only to save his girls more pain.


	24. Explanations

**Jon speaks to Amelia about the day.  
>I'm posting 2 or 3 chapters on the next couple of days, because I'm going visiting my wonderful writing partnerbeta PinkAngel17 in the US on Thursday, and I'd like to get this all posted by the time I go.**

**Shin xx**

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><p>He'd managed to reassure Erika, spending most of the morning curled up with her, and just continually trying to bolster her spirits to the point where she was ready for the day. Now Erika had gone to pass that on to Carla, and he was taking Serena to try and pick up Amelia. No matter what was going on, the baby and the 10-year-old had bonded. That meant a lot to him in the long run, because it would hopefully help his nieces join his family faster. So he'd knocked on the door and smiled, looking around the door. "Hey kiddo, need a hand."<p>

"I want to put my necklace on can you help me?" Amelia held up a chain he recognised. One of those that had been left to Amelia from Lita's collection. He'd been the executor of Lita's will, so she'd gotten this. Obviously it was making her feel more comfortable.

"Sure." He patted the bed for Amelia to jump up, and once she was sat down he put Serena on her knee. Since he would need the help to hold her and to put Amelia's necklace on. "Here, hold Rena tight."

Amelia sat there for a second, then she lifted Jon's chin trying to get his attention before he put the necklace on. So he stayed knelt on the floor in front of the two girls, waiting for Amelia to know that she was saying. "I don't know what's going to happen today?"

"Do you want me to explain it to you?" He asked, not at all worried about telling her what was happening. She needed to know before they went, so she wouldn't be scared. The whole family would be together in a few hours, and Maria's family would be there too. He'd only met Maria's sister Gina briefly. All he knew was that Erika and Gina were the same age, and they'd always been competitive.

"Yeah."

He got a little more comfortable, then thought how to start this. "Alright, first, a couple of hovercars are going to come and pick all of us up and take us to church. We all travel together, all your family." He knew that a few of Maria's family would be arriving downstairs, and he hoped Trip and Marta were playing host. "Then you're going to go in and sit with aunt Erika and Marta and Lena, while a few of us wait for your mommy and daddy. When they arrive, we're going to carry them in to the church while a hymn is sung." He was trying to think of as many things as he could to tell her about, to make sure that she was prepared. "Then we're going to have mass, your aunt Gina is going to talk about your mommy and aunt Erika is going to talk about your daddy, then you and Carla are going to sing for everyone." He knew that there were nerves for this, too, but he was certain that things would not actually be too terrible, and that she would be safe with her family there. "Then we're going to sing another hymn and take your mommy and daddy to be buried. After that we're all going to go back to the house and have a party to remember how much we loved your mom and dad."

Amelia nodded after a while, clearly deciding she understood. She didn't begin asking any follow up questions. At least not at first, then she just looked at what he was wearing seriously and frowned. "Why aren't you wearing a suit?"

"Well, because me, your aunt Erika and Trip are all in Starfleet service, we don't wear suits to funerals, we wear our dress uniforms." He wasn't sure if anyone had been able to tell them any information about the traditions around Starfleet service. He was certain that it was going to get even more confusing for her as she moved into the home of two senior Starfleet officers. "These are special uniforms we only wear on serious occasions. Remember, me and Erika wore one to your Abuela's funeral too." He wondered if reminding her that that had happened. It was a long time ago for a younger.

"Oh yeah." She clearly remembered after a few seconds. After a few seconds she cocked her head in the same way that Erika did when she was confused. "Why?"

He didn't actually have an answer for that. How and why it had become a tradition he didn't know, and he also didn't know exactly how it was still happening. It worked though, and he knew that it made him feel better to attend functions like this with his medals on display, and he was sure that Erika felt the same. "It's tradition."

"So no real reason?" Amelia managed to boil down his entire point to just a few words, and she knew that it was almost certainly a thing.

He smiled and finally jumped up and slipped her necklace on. Checking the chrono by her bed he knew it was time for them to go and actually start getting it all ready to go. "I guess not. There you go, your necklace is on."

"Thanks Jon." Amelia smiled, and he noticed that she gave Serena a squeeze, and the baby just squeaked. Normally if Serena was squeezed she would start crying. Apparently the fondness between the two of them was mutual. Amelia didn't have a clue how important it was, and instead squirmed a little. "I'm going to go bug Trip, can you take Rena back?"

"Of course." He grinned and picked his daughter up. A second later Amelia was out the door, leaving Jon stood in the doorway with Serena. "Mela really likes Uncle Trip, doesn't she?" Erika chose that moment to come out of Carla's room, and he smiled sadly at his wife, who closed the door quietly behind her.

"Amelia sorted?" She asked, quietly.

He just nodded, and then started down the stairs after Erika, and he was glad to see that at least the front door was open and it seemed Trip was explaining all his medals to people. "Yeah, I ran through the funeral with her, she was worried and didn't know what was going to happen." He said, then took the opportunity to wrapped his free arm around Erika, giving him a moment to hold both his girls.

Erika threaded her fingers through his and then patted her hand on Serena's back. Clearly still thinking about their nieces now. "Good. I've got Carla ready. She's still feeling a little afraid and panicky, from what I can tell." It worried him that Carla was still struggling to the level she was right now. Erika, it seemed, wasn't as concerned. "She'll be OK once we get going."

That reminded him, that he needed to know who was carrying Simon's coffin with him. He knew that Gina had arranged who was carrying Maria's, their family. Erika had arranged Simon's, though he hadn't asked who it was. "Who is helping me today?"

There was a pause while Erika thought, and he really hoped that she had at least asked people whether or not they would be willing to carry the coffin. Hopefully she wasn't doing all this blind. "My Uncle Jorge, Jorge jr, you, Trip, and my cousins Albert and Javier."

He couldn't help but smile at that. "Good. I know at least two others." Erika looked up at him and grinned, then she stepped back a little. It was far too hard right now for him to think about having to do things with lots of people he didn't know. This would at least mean that he could say goodbye to Simon too.

"You do." Erika's grin grew and shook her head, then stepped onto her tiptoes and kissed him gently. "Thank you, for helping Amelia."

"Of course." He couldn't imagine not being able to help with Amelia, or Carla. But it was obvious that Serena now wanted her mommy, and he wanted to get things all ready to go. "Here, take our daughter. She's been fussy the last few days and just wants mommy in particular."

"We should get ready to go too." She stepped up and kissed his cheek, and all he could do was hope that she'd be this high-spirited at the end of the day. He hated that any of this was necessary, but he was afraid that this was his problem. He was being too fixed up on how unfair it all was. It was time they move on, at least after today.


	25. Aftermath

**Erika stands up to give her eulogy, then deals with a splintered family and an ex all at once.**

**Shin xx**

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><p>They had sung, and Gina had said her piece, focusing on Maria and all that she had had to offer. Now it was Erika's turn, and all she knew was that she really wasn't ready for this. She'd worked through what she was going to say with Carla, and it probably wasn't eloquent, or deep. But it was the truth, and it was all that they had. "There aren't really all that many words I have for Simon." She started honestly. Thinking of words to say about him would never be enough, she knew that. "When we were kids he was a terror, and he hated having a little sister. At least until I was old enough to talk. At which point I became his get-out-of-jail-free card. He would take me all around town to convince people to give him things to give to me, and he could blame me if he got caught. I generally played along, because he was my big brother and I liked following him around." She had idolised him when she'd been little, she remembered that.<p>

She had still idolised him when she was older, but it had been easier to disguise him. In reality she still idolised him now, but she wouldn't admit to that, not right now. "When I got a little older, he and his friends would find me annoying. But Simon would always make sure me and my friends were included." Sometimes, Simon would even invent new parts in games so that she would be included in the games. "By the time I was in high school he was my closest friend. I told him everything first. When I had a crush, when I had a fight. Everything."

"Simon had this way about him. It was why he was such a good person, why he was a good politician. Despite his problems with Jon, he was always happy for me. He always supported me." Her two men had hated each other once upon a time, but they had gotten over their differences eventually. When they had gotten back together Simon hadn't been at all surprised, but he had been concerned. It hadn't been until they'd got married that he and Jon had put aside their differences and accepted they were family. "When I fell pregnant with my daughter, Simon was the third person to know, behind Jon and our boss at Starfleet. I didn't know who was more excited about Serena, Jon or Simon. They both were bouncing, every step of the way."

She took a break, and reached for the tissue she had tucked up her sleeve for this occasion. She'd known she would need to dry her eyes, if only for a second. "This world is a worse place without Simon Hernandez in it, and the universe feels a little harder because of it. I hope he can rest easily knowing that Carla and Amelia will be cared for, and that he knows how missed he and Maria will be. Forever." There was no doubt about it. Everyone in the church and all those outside listening on the speakers were the proof of that.

"I miss you, Si. We'll see each other again." She addressed the last to the larger coffin on the left, and as she past it she kissed her hand and pressed it to the top. She headed back to her seat, and a second later she felt Jon's arms wrap around her, and she knew he was trying his hardest just to comfort and protect her as best she could.

"You did well." He whispered into her ear a second later, but as the Father got back up to finish the liturgy she heard Serena beginning to fuss, and she held her hand out to her daughter.

"Come here Bunny." She muttered, smiling as her daughter settled onto her knee. They all listened to the end of the mass, they said their prayers then turned to leave. Jon and several of her cousins carrying Simon's coffin, Maria's family carrying hers. The Rodriguez's and the Hernandez's being so very separated by this tragedy. The two families had never been close, but she had never noticed how bad it could be.

There was a slow, solemn march up to the adjoining graves where Simon and Maria were to be put to rest. She ignored most people, just focusing on Carla and Amelia, who walked together holding each other, and on Jon, who walked with his arm wrapped tightly round her shoulder. It was only after that moment, when the coffins were interred, that she started talking to the crowd. Eventually she was stopped by someone she would have rather avoided. "Moving eulogy, Ka." She'd hated that stupid nickname when she was 16, what made him think she'd like it any more thirty years later.

"Oh, thanks, Logan." She put her hand out and stopped Jon, who instantly wrapped his arm protectively around her shoulder. It seemed like Serena was grumbling again. "Jonathan, meet Logan." She introduced, hoping that Jon would give her an excuse to get away.

"Hi. I'll try to talk to you later." Jon completely dismissed him, and Erika just smirked a little then opened her arms as Jon made it clear their little one wanted her mom. "Erika, Bunny wants her mommy and both the girls were crying and went in different directions."

It only took a second for her to think where her nieces would go. Carla was definitely the easiest to guess for. Where Amelia was would be more difficult, but if she thought about it she'd be easy to find. "Carla will head for the park, I'll go deal with Amelia. Come on Bun. Sorry- oh." She'd turned back to apologise to Logan, but apparently he'd walked off when she was no longer paying attention to him.

"I'll see you back at the house." Jon grinned then gave her a gentle kiss before heading off, apparently deciding not to mention that her ex had just wandered away because she wasn't talking to him anymore. That was no doubt going to be brought up again at a later point, she was sure of that.

So she stood where she was and looked around at what she could see by the church, and it soon became obvious where Mela had gone to hide. There was a small wall, and somehow Erika was sure she'd find her younger niece there. Sure enough, a second later she and Serena found Amelia, sat behind the wall. "Mela, what you doing?"

"Hiding." She answered honestly. Serena reached out for her cousin, and Erika just let her daughter down. It was probably going to be best for all of them that she allow Amelia what comfort she wanted. Only once Serena was sat in Amelia's lap did Erika sit down.

"Why are you hiding?"

Amelia was grumpy, but she rested her forehead against Serena's and frowned. "Because everyone wants to talk to me, and tell me how I'll get used to mommy and daddy not being here, but I don't want to get used to it." There was something about the way Amelia said that that really worried her. They hadn't really spoken that much about how she felt. Carla had been more vocal, and therefore had taken more of the attention. "I want them back."

"I do too, we all do, but they can't come back." It was a hard truth, but it was something she knew that Amelia needed to face. She did know that Simon would be happy that his girls were safe. "They'll just be happy that you and Cammie are going to be safe and loved."

Amelia leant against Erika, and all she could do was wrap her arms around both the girls for a moment. "You and uncle Jon won't leave me behind, will you?" She asked into Erika's chest, and it broke her heart just a little to hear.

"Never, Mela. You're stuck with us now." She squeezed the two girls again, then laughed a little. Because she found it quite amusing that right now Amelia would want to ask that. "Me, and Jon, and Bunny. All three of us."

"What about all those people?" A hand was waved over her shoulder, and Erika knew what she meant. All the people who were going to ask her about what she wanted.

"If you get upset, find me, or Uncle Jon, and we'll take you inside and you can go sit in your room until you feel a bit better." That was all she could think to do. There wasn't much that she could stop before it happened.

"Thank you aunty Erika."

She stood up with a grin, then picked up Serena. "Come on, we need to go make sure Uncle Jon didn't get lost finding Cammie."

"I hope they didn't, that would suck." Amelia smiled.

"It would, wouldn't it?" She smiled a little. Glad to finally see a bit more of a smile on Amelia's face. She knew that so little focus over the last week had been on Amelia, but now it was showing that she hadn't let this bounce over her quite the way they'd expected. Erika made a mental pledge that she would focus more on what Amelia needed now. Not let Carla drown her little sister out. That was going to be the hard part, but they'd do it. Though, the girls both had a point. Maybe she needed some time alone to think.


	26. Bargaining

**Erika feels the need to ask God why this happened.**

**Shin xx**

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><p>They had gathered everyone back together, and now while the wake was being led by the girls back to the house, she'd dawdled behind, eventually they had all reached their destination, and she was stood in the park, alone. Just what she needed right now. There was someone she needed to pick a bone with. She found the closest bench and pulled her rosary out of one of her pockets, gripping it tightly in one hand and focusing on it, opening herself up to speak her thoughts. "You know I'm the one who's killed people. I'm the one who has been to the edge of hell and back." That was the easiest way to start it, make it obvious that she was the one who had deserved what happened to Simon and Maria. Not them. None of this was their fault, they hadn't fought in the war, she did. "Why did you have to take them, huh? If you wanted to punish me why did you have to punish Carla and Amelia."<p>

She had thought that she had done what He wanted. She'd survived, Jon had survived. They'd gotten married and they'd created their perfect little miracle. Was this what she got for daring to have a family. "Is this a trade-off. I got my husband, my daughter. I even got my best friend back." Veronica's return had been the least expected thing in her life, but it had happened. She had taken that as a sign, they all had. "I thought that meant I'd done good."

"Now you take Simon. What did he ever do to you?" They had been brought up by devout Catholics, and while she had let her faith slip, always too busy out on Columbia, Simon had never slipped. "We're both religious. We both went to church, he and I. All we've ever done is in your honour. Everything." She knew that was true for both of them, it always would be. She still prayed every night, and took Serena to church every Monday.

So how was it fair to Simon that he was the one taken. That her brother and his family be punished for her sins."If you wanted to take someone you should have taken me. I'm the one you want to punish. Not Simon. Not the girls."

"Lord, I've done all you've ever asked of me." Every challenge He had laid out in front of her she had faced, she had wavered, she had cursed Him. But in the end she'd always triumphed, and she'd made it home. "How was this fair?" She launched herself off the bench, looked up into the sky and repeated, "how was any of this fair?"

She sensed Jon's presence before he spoke, and it was like a soothing balm to her very tortured soul. She just needed to bask in that for a moment and allow herself to be comforted. A second later he was even closer and she knew he wasn't going to let her alone again. "Rike, what are you doing?"

"Bargaining with God." She muttered, feeling better when he came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her tightly. It made her feel safe, loved. She had a place where she was at home and it was when she was sharing a space with this extraordinary man she'd found herself married to. She just needed to make sense of their situation. "Trying to make sense of this."

"You did good today." Jon commented after a few seconds of silence, and while she was sure he meant the eulogy she decided to take it as being the whole day, because the truth was she hadn't done all that good today. She had mostly tried to focus on other people, on what they had needed out of her. She hadn't done very much at all.

That was probably where a lot of these maudlin emotions were coming from. She certainly didn't mind that others thought she had done good, she just couldn't convince herself of that. "I don't feel like I did good."

"What do you think God did?" Jon asked, again after a few seconds of silence. He knew her so well, knowing that was why she was out here. Whether he was trying to give her time to think, or whether he needed the time to think up more topics of conversation, she was glad of the silence. It always gave her a second to just be comfortable in Jonathan's arms, and a few seconds every time to feel better about things.

As for his question, she didn't know what God had done, she was just sure it was something aimed at her rather than at her brother and his wife. "Punished me? I don't know. I don't claim to have any special knowledge of that. That was why I'm here asking Him." She had often escaped to speak to God, he knew that. She was just not sure if she'd ever felt less confident of his answers.

"I'm sure he'd answer if he could." Wasn't the whole point that she'd know his answer. That if she asked in prayer he'd deliver an answer. Maybe she was living in a delusion. Jon didn't leave the silence to linger that time, instead kept talking, distracting her as best he could. "Everyone else is back at the house. Trip has Bunny, she's really taken to him." He chuckled a little at that, and she had to agree, it was nice that their toddler had attached to someone else.

"Good, we can have a break for a little while." She couldn't help but smile at that. It reminded her that they did need to get Serena doing that, soon.

"I know none of this seems fair right now, babe." Jon didn't tend to use endearments often, but when he did they were always in just the right time and place to be comforting, and she let herself relax against him, listening to his wise words. "But it will get better in the long run."

Getting better was something she'd heard over and over again by all the characters that appeared in the rather boring story of her life. But that was it, everyone got better at dealing with it. Had those officers' families who had lost their loved ones under her command gotten better in the end. She didn't know. "Suddenly I'm thinking back to all those officers I lost in the war. Did their families feel like this. Did their families blame me for the fact their brother or sister or parent or spouse didn't make it home."

"Erika, none of this is your fault, and none of that was your fault." She had had a habit of assuming blame when things went wrong. A decade earlier she'd done it with AG's death. Now she was doing it with this. She was doing it purely because she couldn't figure out the reason why it had happened. "You did what you needed to do to survive. This was a tragedy."

Jon had always had a talent for cheering her up when all seemed lost. Right now she was just happy that he had chosen to be in her life at all. "You know, every day I look at you and I wonder what I did to deserve you in my life."

"I often wonder the same thing." She leant back and shook her head, then took a step away and looked around the empty park that had so little to offer. It was nice to know that Jon thought the same as her, especially given that they seemed to always be fine. They stood there for a few more minutes before Jon nodded in the direction of the house. "Come on, we should head back."

"OK." She let him wrap an arm around her shoulders, and a second later she had her arm wrapped around his back. She was happy they were together, and that they could face all of this together. He knew her and that was the important part right now. If he could stop her being afraid of everything, and could break her of this mood, she would be OK. They would all be OK.


	27. Work, Movies and Sleep

**Jon and Trip work and talk.**

**Shin xx**

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><p>They'd been relegated to reading their reports in the kitchen, something Jon didn't mind. He knew that Erika was sat with Carla and Amelia watching a movie. He didn't know which one, but there was a definitely movie-marathon going on. Ever since the masses had left, most going back to their hotels to make their own way to the shuttleport in the morning, others straight to shuttles, all eager to get on with their lives. Jon already knew something Erika never said. This was their last night in New Mexico. She wouldn't return here, the town held far too many bad memories for her. When she finished college, Carla could move back if she wanted, or she could stay with them. This town wasn't home for Erika any longer. Her home was in San Francisco. "Today went well, I thought." Jon heard, breaking him from his thoughts.<p>

"Yeah." That was all he could really think to say. It had gone well, without a single problem. That was possibly where his current problem was. There was no longer anything for him to tackle. The girls were all packed, a few boxes each in the doorway, and the funeral was over. They'd said all the goodbye's they could. Now it was all acceptance.

"How are the girls, really?" Trip asked, apparently well aware of his status as an outsider. Erika probably would show their friend how she was feeling, but he knew that Carla and Amelia wouldn't. They were both just like Erika, and therefore just like Lita had been.

He thought about his wife, and he was already sure that her inevitable breakdown wouldn't come until they were in San Francisco. Here there would be no comfort, and no safety. "Erika's calm, doing better than I thought she would tonight." He had wondered how she would cope after the funerals, apparently she'd done better than he would have ordinarily thought. As for his nieces, they were another matter. "Amelia's upset, she's got clingy all of a sudden."

"Explaining why Bunny's in here with us." Trip interrupted, but it was accurate, and it was why the baby was sat in a high chair, alternately chewing on and bashing her rattle on the tray. "What about Carla?"

"She's angry more than anything." He couldn't blame her. Anger was all he would have thought about too. He'd only lost his father and he'd been angry. Losing his mother too would have been the final nail for him. "She has at least stopped directing her anger at Erika. Right now it's aimed at the universe."

They both went quiet, focusing again on their reports. The kitchen table was covered with the PADDs Trip had brought with him for them to look over. Apparently, Trip hadn't stopped thinking about what the next day was going to bring. "Hoshi and Emily are bringing the kids round tomorrow." Emily was the Captain of the Endeavour, and as such her family was a part of the NX family. Jon didn't know her that well, but he knew she got on well with Erika. "Tosh is a bit young, but Katie's right in between Amelia and Carla, she'll probably be able to distract them."

"Yeah, that'll be nice." He nodded. It would no doubt be a nice distraction for the girls to have someone else around their age to talk to. Plus, Amelia had taken a lot of comfort in Serena, maybe Toshiko Tucker would be another comfort to his younger niece. "Amelia might like having Tosh around, she's bonded with Bunny."

"That's probably good, in the long run." Trip nodded, and Jon agreed. It would probably help Amelia settle into San Francisco. Especially while they were still in their too-small apartment. "Are you looking forward to getting home?" Trip asked, and Jon could only smile. He was excited. He couldn't wait to get himself home, and sleep in his own bed.

There was something about their home that just thinking about being back in the city made him smile. He was certain that he could get this all together, and they would all be ready for moving properly. "I am. I mean it's going to take a while to get used to everything, and we need to sort more out on the apartment, but they accepted our offer."

"That's good." Trip nodded, then Jon saw a flicker of sadness and fear in Trip's face. All he did was look at his friend and hope that nothing was wrong. It seemed that Trip caught his look and just shook his head gently. "I get next week to spend with Hoshi and Tosh then I'm back out on the Curie."

Jon could understand that leaving his partner and their little girl was no doubt awful, he was still momentarily jealous. He wished, at times, that he was still out there, and still making the universe a better place in command of a ship. "At least you're still out there."

"You miss it?" Trip asked, and he sounded surprised. Then again, maybe there was a bit of 'the grass is always taller' going on. Jon got to be at home with his family all the time, while Trip was away a lot and missed his girls.

But, really, he couldn't lie. He missed his ship and the friends he made there, but he would miss his family too much to be gallivanting around the universe. But right now, he would love to be on Enterprise, If only because that would be a lot easier than what he was facing now. "Some days. Especially when I'm reminded what is coming up here."

"It might seem overwhelming now, but you'll figure it out, you and Erika." Trip was confident, and that was helpful. It gave Jon a little more confidence in himself and his family.

Getting through it, it was going to be the two of them in time. "Probably." He agreed, and at that moment he heard the stomping of Amelia running up the stairs, then Carla looked round the doorway.

"Trip, you coming?"

A second later, Carla ran off, and Trip put his PADD down then stood up with a grin. "I promised Carla I'd watch some movie with her and Amelia."

That was going to be a very hard lesson for Trip, because he had never had the joy of watching a film with the Hernandez girls. Erika was still the worst, but both Carla and Amelia had inherited Erika's penchant for talking through movies and telling everyone what was going on. "Oh have fun."

He got up and followed Trip out to the lounge, pausing for a second to pick a by now very sleepy Serena out of her highchair. He watched after Trip going up the stairs and shook his head, then looked to the sofa where Erika's forehead and eyes looking over the back of the sofa. "Where's Trip going?"

He frowned, then looked up the stairs, wondering for a second if he should rescue Trip. "Carla and Amelia want him to watch some movie with them." He commented, then put Serena in the travel cot.

Erika laid back on the sofa and looked over, a slightly worried expression on her face. It was obvious that she didn't think leaving Serena in the travel cot was a good idea. "She won't stay quiet in there."

"You'd be surprised, she's sleepy, she'll probably go straight to sleep." Serena did indeed lay straight down. So as soon as she started snuggling down, he walked over and nudged Erika's head until she let him sit down and wrap his arms around her. "How about you?"

"Am I sleepy?" She asked, and he just shrugged. There was a definite problem with Erika being snappy and sarcastic.

So instead of replying in kind, he just levelled her with a glare. "You know what I'm asking."

"I'm alright Jon, I'm just tired, and afraid." She sat up, but then immediately dropped her head against his chest. He just wrapped his arms around her, and knew exactly how she felt.

"Me too, on both those counts." He was terrified, of everything. But he knew that they

She sat up again, and then kissed his cheek before she looked at him seriously. "All I can think about is, what if I lost you?"

There was something about Erika's mind that made her think of things that made her even more upset when she was already upset. As for her losing him, that was not going to happen willingly. "Why, Erika? You're not going to lose me. You're stuck with me."

She shrugged and took a deep breath. "I always think about it at funerals. I think about how for the last twenty-two years it's been me and you against the galaxy. Even when we were apart we were together." He couldn't argue with that. All 4 years they were apart he'd been thinking about her and what she'd do in any specific situation. "So whenever I say goodbye to someone I love I think about you."

"Rike, I know today was hard for you, and I know you don't really want to say goodbye to Simon. But don't make it worse for yourself." He just wanted her to think of something happier. Mostly because he really didn't want her to worry about something that wasn't likely to happen. "My hero-complex is behind me. I have reasons to be sensible now. I have you and Bunny and those two girls upstairs. Not to mention, apparently Starfleet values it's Admirals."

Erika sighed and dropped her head back to his chest. "This will all be easier when we're home, won't it?" The question was one that she didn't have to ask, really. It was always going to be easier for them when they were home. He'd be calm, and Erika would be around all of her friends.

"We'll be around our own friends, our own support system." He wanted to keep telling her that. He would make sure she was fine, so would their friends. "I think it'll be easier for you."

Erika groaned, and then he was sure that something had really bothered her today, far past the funeral. He just lifted her chin and looked at her seriously. After a few seconds she groaned again and sat forward, dropping her face into her hands. "Seeing Logan today really threw me off. I realised that it's twenty five years to the week since we broke up."

"Well, I thank him for that." She looked up from her hands and gave him an incredulous look, and all he could do was shrug then grin. Of course he thanked Logan, probably not for the reason Erika was thinking. "If you two hadn't broken up I would never have met you."

"I still would have been on the NX Programme, Jonathan." She sounded more frustrated than anything, and yes, he was sure that Erika had no idea why he was thankful.

"But you wouldn't have been you, and I love you."

"Come to bed." She leant up and kissed him gently. He just savoured the moment and smiled. It was comfortable, and it was the comfort he needed. He was pretty sure that Erika would need it to. So her offer was one that he didn't want to think too much on.

He looked over to the playpen and noticed that Serena was still sound asleep, and he was sure if they tried moving her she would no longer be asleep. "What about Bunny?"

"Let Trip deal with her tonight." Erika smirked, and he certainly wasn't going to turn this down. He looked over to make sure Serena was actually asleep, then wrote a hasty note to Trip. As soon as his parenting duties were taken care of he followed Erika through to their guest room. He needed this support as much as she did, and if this was how it was to go, then he wasn't going to complain.


	28. Leaving for Good

**It's time to say goodbye to New Mexico.**

**Shin xx**

* * *

><p>Jon had been early to wake up, but apparently Erika had still beaten him too it. They had spent the night before using the last little bit of privacy and energy they were probably going to have for the next few weeks, until they could eventually get into the new apartment where Serena and the girls would all have their own rooms. They'd managed to get everything ready for when Veronica had arrived, and clearly she'd decided to wait outside the house rather than at the shuttleport. Ever since Veronica had landed, Amelia had been hanging on to her every word and every story. "Can I drive?"<p>

"No." Veronica answered before Jon had the chance. He had managed to get Serena settled with Trip, who she had definitely taken a shine to. Serena was hard to settle with anyone at the best of times, so right now this was becoming something perfect for her, and for her parents.

Amelia, though, was not at all going to take no sitting down. She hated taking no for an answer, but Veronica wasn't leaving her alone with it either. Veronica might never have wanted a family, but she was great with the kids, and was one of the best people to allow to baby sit. "Why not?"

Veronica rolled her eyes as she lifted Amelia into the back of the shuttle with Jon. "Because I'll lose my accreditation and you're too small."

Jon joined Veronica in eyerolling and then nudged Amelia away from the doorway. "Get in the shuttle, Mela. Sit with Trip and Bunny." He waved to his daughter and best friend, who had a seat opposite them spare that he had made sure was just for Amelia.

"She's gonna hate that nickname when she's big isn't she?" He heard asked, and the long laughter that Trip let out told him that his best friend was going to explain exactly how much Serena was going to hate that almost all of her family called her as Bunny.

He climbed out of the shuttle and looked at where Carla was still talking to her friends who had come to wave them off, but they needed to say goodbye and he needed to get everyone into the shuttle. This was the time they leave. "Come on Carla, time to go."

Another few hugs were exchanged, then her friends left and Carla came to stand with him. It was obvious that Carla was having some difficult thoughts about her leaving, and he wasn't entirely sure that he could blame her. "Will I be coming home soon?"

"Back here, I don't know. Probably." He'd started to talk, and he was sure that any number of the Hernandez clan would accept Carla and Amelia for a visit, but he knew that he and Erika wouldn't be coming back. "I don't think your aunt Erika will be coming back again though?"

"Why not?" Carla looked concerned, and Jon didn't want to lie to her, telling her that Erika would be happy to be here again. Not when it was completely wrong.

He knew that Erika wouldn't want to be here, not without Simon. "For her, there is nothing left here. You, Amelia and your dad were the only things tethering her to this town." Her home was now his home too. They would live in San Francisco and he was sure Erika would be happy there, especially having the girls near her there. "You and Amelia are going to be back in San Francisco with me and Serena. So everyone she loves is going to be in San Francisco. This town is history for her."

Carla clearly thought it over for a few seconds, then realised exactly why this wasn't home for Erika. "That makes sense." She shrugged, then looked down at the grown and Jon wondered what was worrying her. He reached out and squeezed her shoulder, which seemed to give her the the confidence to keep going. "I guess I'm just afraid of not belonging anywhere."

That was sad, because he couldn't tell her that she'd feel like she belonged somewhere straight away. But he knew she would belong, everyone did, somewhere. "You'll belong wherever you belong, Cammie. Home with us, or at school or here in New Mexico."

"If I sorted out that I came back here when I turned 18, would you and aunt Erika be disappointed?" That wasn't really even a question that she had to ask. He and Erika just wanted her to be as happy as she could be.

"No, we both just want you two to be happy. The happiest you could be and just, do whatever makes you happy." That was all he could say. He wanted for Carla and Amelia exactly what he wanted for Serena. He wanted them to be happy and content, because that was what any parent, any carer, wanted for their children.

"I've always lived here Uncle Jon, I never imagined living anywhere else." Carla motioned all around them, and he adored that this place had meant so much to all of them. If she wanted to return to Tatum when she was 18, neither he nor Erika would stop her, and at that point they'd have a reason to visit again. "I was going to go away for college but then come home and work here. I want to be a teacher, I want to help the kids here."

"Then you work for that." He said simply, he'd worked toward his dream, and Erika had walked toward hers. They'd definitely make sure that the kids all worked toward their dreams too.

Erika was then suddenly at the door, stacking more boxes on the path and looking down at their family, who were all just waiting for them to be ready to go. "Jonathan, I'll be with you in five minutes." She shouted down, and they all grinned as Veronica sighed loudly and went to collect the stack of boxes.

"We'll be ready to go." He shouted back, then rolled his eyes at Carla, who just burst out laughing and looked back after her aunt.

Carla sighed, still looking after Erika who actually looked happy for the first time in days. "She really loves you. Like, I know mom and dad always had a good marriage, but dad would say all the time that no matter what he thought of you, you made aunt Erika happy." That was a little gratifying for him to hear, because there needed to have been something he and Simon saw eye to eye. "He loved you for that."

"Yeah, I'm a lucky man. Your dad hated me though." That much was the truth. He knew that Simon had hated him, which he actually wasn't all that sad about. They had made a truce, and they actually had kept that going for almost ten years, being civil.

"He hated a lot of people, he was a politician though." He remembered that Simon had run for his first appointment just after Enterprise had returned from the Expanse, he'd never really gotten too far past anything. "He really did like that you make aunt Erika happy. He also liked hating you. That was rare for him."

"Well, I'm glad that your dad hating me didn't change your opinions on me." He really thought they needed to get off of Simon, he could see that Carla was beginning to get herself upset, and it wasn't worth that again. "We'll work it out Cam, it's not just about you any more, or me, or anyone. It's all of us."

Carla nodded, then looked back at the shuttle, hearing Amelia's excited voice exiting from it. "Thanks. I'll go make sure Mela hasn't talked Trip's ears off."

"Good choice." He commented, then ran up the pathway to where Erika was pulling out yet more boxes. There was no chance they had enough space in their apartment for everything. "Are you ready to leave?"

"Yeah. I think so." She muttered, then wrapped an arm around his back. He pulled her into his side and kissed her forehead.

There was something he wanted to check. While he told people that he knew Erika wasn't going to be coming back to Tatum, he hadn't actually spoken about it with her. There were some things in life he was certain of, including this one. It was worth asking though. "I'm right in thinking you're never coming back here, aren't I?"

"What makes you say that?" She tried to play coy, but it was obvious he was right. She wouldn't be acting this way if she didn't.

So, he was going to list all of his ideas. "Simon and the girls were your only reason for coming back here. You've been at home in San Francisco for almost thirty years."

"You're right, again. You know me too well." Erika laughed, and her just kissed her again. There was something about knowing he was right after all.

"Say goodbye, Rike. I'll be in the shuttle." He kissed her cheek then smiled, squeezing her hand before walking away. He loved that he had been right, as he knew he would have been. It was going to be a long day, but when they all got home it was going to be busy but they could stop and settle. That was exactly what they'd need to do.


	29. Return Home

**Their friends welcome them all home.**

**Shin xx**

* * *

><p>The apartment was filled with the sound of the four kids that were laid all around the living room. Carla was laid on the floor with Serena sat on her stomach, playing some version of pat-a-cake that Erika didn't know, though she was glad someone was speaking Spanish to the baby. Erika tended to stick to English given that Jon was awful with languages. Maybe with the girls Serena would pick up both languages. As for Amelia, she was helping Toshiko Tucker with her reading. They were both sat at a table, and were making up a game it seemed. Erika had been stood just watching them all, trying not to find herself upset. It was harder now she was here not to remember what she had left behind. It seemed like her best friend realised she was dwelling and passed her another mug of coffee. "You glad to be home?"<p>

"Oh yeah." Despite the thinking time it offered, and the part where she realised she was done there, she was glad to be back in San Francisco. Even the colder air was welcome, and she remembered why she'd wanted to get back here, her actual home. "I really wanted to get out of New Mexico."

"Not home anymore?" Veronica asked, and it only took Erika a second to remember that Veronica was much the same. She was originally from Wellington, New Zealand, but hadn't been back there in years. San Francisco was home to her.

So it wouldn't be a bad thing to tell her that Erika would be happier than anything to never set foot in New Mexico ever again. It was where her family was from, but it hadn't been 'home' in years, and it definitely wasn't now. "I appreciate it's place in my history, but no. Home is here now, with all of you." It was at that moment a scream of laughter from Serena had Amelia and Tosh throwing things and shouting about quiet. "This is really proving why Jon and I need that new apartment."

Apparently, Veronica agreed with that point. It was obvious they were struggling here, and she felt bad that the girls had had to come to this tiny apartment. The 'three bedrooms' it contained were a bad joke more than anything. "You got the apartment sorted?"

"Jon's talking to the realtor now, he took Trip and Hoshi along with him." Since the realtor had done most of his business on this through Hoshi it had seemed clever for Jon to take Hoshi. Trip had ended up tagging along just because he wanted to spend more time with his partner. "They should be back any minute."

As there was a buzz at the door, everyone turned to the intercom. "Is this them?" Veronica asked, and Erika hoped it wasn't, because if it was it would mean that Jon had lost his keycard again. They couldn't afford to keep replacing them when Jon got too excited to remember where he put it.

She was going to try and keep the faith. "No, Jon took his keycard." She turned on the camera and pressed the intercom, glad that it was someone she wanted to see. "Hey, Em."

Emily Boylan was another Starfleet captain, one Erika hadn't known well until the other captain's wife and daughter had been attacked during the war. At that time the Captains of the fleet had become much closer, through fear and worry. Unlike most of those friendships, Emily and Erika had stayed good friends. "I thought the girls might like to see Katie again."

The cheer that erupted from all around her said that the kids would all be happy to see one another again. "I'm, guessing that's a yes. Come on in. Veronica and I were just talking about how happy I am to be home."

"Can't have been easy." Emily said, which was a really solid summation of everything that had gone on in New Mexico. Not easy.

She didn't really want to admit that though. She'd admitted it to the only people she was comfortable with, Veronica and Jonathan. Everyone else was getting a little white lie, or her playing it down. Right now, playing it down seemed the way to go. "Not really, but we're all home now."

At that exact moment Amelia came up and jumped as much as she could to get attention, then left Carla to talk. "Can we go to the park across the street."

"We'll take Tosh and Bunny. Please?" Katie smiled, considering Carla was carrying Serena, and Tosh was latched on to Amelia's hand she didn't think they had much choice. Surely, getting out of the apartment was going to help all of them, and she might finally get a little bit of time alone.

So, there wasn't a real reason for them to stay in. "Alright, yeah. Don't go any further than the park." She worried about that. None of them knew the area around where they lived.

Emily clearly noticed that Erika was worried, and smiled then reached out and rubbed her arm in a supportive way. "I'll go with them."

"Thanks Em." She watched after everyone as they left, then went straight to the sofa and collapsed onto it. She needed to be calm and soft, and settling life down was everything they needed. That wasn't happening just yet, but she knew it would. A few minutes of silence was all she needed.

A second later she realised that Veronica had slipped next to her and smiled. "You look like you're glad to be free of everyone."

"I am, I've barely been alone the last week." She hated that she hadn't been alone, that was what she often needed to process, she just needed to lay down somewhere calm and think. Jonathan hadn't wanted to leave her alone, because she'd overthink. Now they were home he'd leave her to think. As for the kids, they'd just wanted their Aunty Erika, or their mom in Serena's case. "Jon's been worried and the kids are, well, kids."

"Now you have three of them." Veronica pointed out, and then it suddenly hit her. She now had three kids. Yeah, Carla was mostly old enough to do her own thing, but Amelia was still young. Veronica though looked a little more concerned, and Erika understood why. "Jon probably has a right to be worried. You've had a lot of losses in a short space of time."

That was a good point, of course that was a reason for someone to be worried. She had had a lot of problems with PTSD since the end of the war, she had problems both caused by the week she was held and tortured by the Orions, and other caused by four years of being on the frontline. That didn't stop her wanting space. "Yeah, sometimes I just long for breathing space. Monday I'll be going out looking at schools for Amelia and Carla."

"What are they going to be doing?" Veronica asked, and that simple question made Erika realise that they had to factor Carla and Amelia in to everything. Serena would be in daycare, as usual. Jon had arranged to take them to Starfleet, but it had been an afterthought.

"Going in to Starfleet with Jon, Serena's going to come with me. Sam said he could put Carla to work, I thought that might be good for her." She couldn't help her voice from breaking on the last, and just stopped entirely. Maybe it was for the best that she hadn't been alone until now, because without the noise all around her it was suddenly obvious that Simon was gone, and she needed to figure out what was good for Carla and Amelia.

Veronica clearly noticed the unshed tears and reached around to give Erika a squeeze. "Hey, come now."

"Sorry." She waved a hand in front of her face then began her mental exercises to calm down again, and stop herself from crying. Suddenly this all seemed too much, and that she had too much responsibility put on her. "It just didn't seem so huge when we were there."

"You have everyone around you Erika, we're here to help." Veronica reassured her, and it did help to know that their friends, their Starfleet family, would drop everything at a moments notice and come to help. It helped a lot, and as she thought more on it she was calmer, better able to control herself.

"I know. Thanks Ronnie."

Veronica seemed to have decided that it was the time for advice, and wasn't giving her the chance to mope. "Let yourself be overwhelmed, that is probably the best thing you can do right now. You and Jon will figure out everything, and things will start getting back to normal. A new normal." That was a terrifying idea. A new normal. Not that anything had actually been all that normal for her and Jon. They'd never had a 'normal'.

The only thing she knew she needed right now was a different conversation. So focusing on the moves they would all be making in the next few weeks seemed a safer idea. "You're still renting this apartment from Jon and I when we move, right?"

"Is this you trying to change the subject?" Veronica saw through her not so subtle attempt, but Erika didn't feel at all ashamed of it.

"Yes."

Veronica smiled and shook her head, then stood up and looked to the door, and Erika was sure she was going to be talked into doing something now, probably something she wasn't interested in. "Then yes, I'm renting. You know, we should go and watch them all on the park too."

"You may have a good idea." She groaned then grabbed her keycard, she was right. While it no doubt would be a good idea to get out of the apartment, she also didn't really want to go out anywhere she might be seen, not yet. After a second she did just follow then on the approach to the park she noticed three familiar figures had joined Emily. "Hey." She said walking up, poking Trip in the back as she passed him.

"Hey, I was about to come up." Jon replied, and smiled at her.

Erika slipped into his side and let him wrap his arm around her shoulders, reciprocating with having her arm around his waist. It was a comfortable way to stand, and she was just glad they were there together. "Nah, let's stay here a while, let the kids play."

"All these couples, I need to get laid." Veronica complained as Emily's wife joined them. That old complaint from her best friend was now just something Erika could laugh at, especially as she now knew that was actually Veronica's way of saying she was happy for her friends.

"Say that louder, Ronnie, I'm sure the kids didn't hear you." Erika laughed, and motioned at all the kids. Right now she still had reasons to worry but she also knew things would work out, and the people around her were the reason she knew that. Every single person stood there, watching the kids on the playground, had supported her in some way over the last week. They would make it through.


	30. Adjustment

**Everything has changed, and it's just the beginning. Last chapter here. **

**Shin xx**

* * *

><p>She had brought Serena to bed and decided that leaving Jon with the girls was best. Amelia was being cranky, and Carla really just wanted to do her own thing. After Erika had lost her temper at Amelia a few times, she'd thought that dealing with Serena was more in her interests, and for right now she was considering murdering all of them. As soon as Serena had fallen asleep, Erika had climbed into bed herself and picked up the report she'd abandoned a week earlier.<p>

One week earlier, right this moment, she'd been sat on the emergency shuttle heading for New Mexico. It was as surreal as it got. The changes that happened in the last week. Maria and Simon were gone, and she and Jon had inherited two more children. She was just staring at the PADD when she realised Jon had come into the room. She wondered if she'd actually answered him at all or if she'd sat staring and saying nothing. "Hey, you. Shift." Jon poked her aside so he could climb into the bed.

"I was comfortable." She complained, and it was true, she had been comfortable and she wasn't too happy about moving.

Jon just rolled his eyes as he pulled the blanket over his legs then sat up beside her and wrapped an arm around her shoulders. He clearly looked at her PADD before he said anything else, probably trying to guess how much he would annoy her being himself. "I'm sure you can get comfortable again."

"Jonathan, I need to read these reports." She sighed when he just kissed her shoulder then grinned. She wasn't that likely to get any more work done, so maybe it was time that she brought the topic round to the family. "The girls asleep?"

"I checked in on Carla, she was watching a movie." That didn't surprise her all that much. It was still early, and Carla was a teenager. She'd probably watch a couple more movies before she fell asleep. "Amelia was out though."

That was better news. She had hated the Amelia might have had trouble settling into a new place. A new home, a new city. But so far it seemed to be going better than she could have imagined. "Good."

Jon, clearly, was not actually ready to leave her alone, and he probably had reason to want to talk. Especially given that she was doing something unusual. "You aren't normally so diligent with reports, especially while you're still technically on leave." He had a point, and she was on leave. The reports weren't urgent. She just needed to think about anything other than Tatum.

Which her brain didn't seem to be agreeing with, since it had decided to dwell. "I need to be distracted."

"Why? We're not going to wake the girls up, and Bunny has gotten used to sleeping while her parents talk." That was another good point. Carla and Amelia were the other side of the apartment, unlikely to be woken by their new caretakers talking. Serena hadn't cared before the last week, now she cared even less.

But that wasn't what her mind was dwelling on. "It's not that."

"Then what?" Jon asked patiently, stroking her arm in that calm, patient way of his. The way that always made her even calmer than she had been before.

"It was just one week ago that we got the call saying they'd been in an accident." She admitted, looking back at the PADD as a source of distraction, and also so that she wouldn't start crying. That seemed a lot easier to do recently. She hadn't cried this much since middle school, and she hated it. But maybe that was to be expected, it had all changed in a week. "One week." She repeated.

Jon's face frozen, and a second later she felt his head buried in the crook of her neck. "Yeah. It seems like a lot longer."

There were still things she hadn't shared with Jon, like how she'd been planning their Christmas trip, and how Simon had talked about spoiling Serena rotten the same way they'd spoilt the girls when they were babies. The last week had ripped all that away from them all. "I spoke to Simon last Saturday. We were making plans for Christmas. He was looking forward to treating his niece to birthday presents."

"We'll do something big for Christmas Rike." He tried to reassure her, but it wasn't really working. "We have our family here." He continued, clearly reading her mind about the part that was bothering her. His mother was here, not to mention their extended Starfleet family that had pulled together in the last week. They did have a family here, it just wasn't her family.

That was a very selfish mindset, though, and she wasn't happy to be thinking that way even a little. It wasn't important that there be a blood connection if they all loved each other. The problem was really that things weren't as she expected. "I guess it's just realising that in such a short space of time so very much has changed." She had a lot of problems with what they had to do, and it wasn't just that her family was shattered. It was that they needed to change just as quickly. "A week ago you and I were still getting used to being parents of an almost-one-year-old. Now we have a fifteen-year-old and a ten-year-old as well. I'm not really sure what we're supposed to do?"

"Get used to it." Jon replied, and for the first time she wasn't terrified by those words, so she nodded before Jon continued, letting him know that she agreed with that part. "It's not as though we can send them back."

"I wouldn't want to do that anyway." She was about to say more on how much she loved the girls when a missed part of their family chose that moment to jump up on the bed, and his paw went straight onto her chest. "Oof, Porthos. That's my boob."

Jon apparently thought that was hilarious and let out a quiet bark of laughter, then tapped Porthos lightly on the nose. "Buddy, that's a sensitive spot and I laid claim to it. You'll have to find another spot." After a few seconds Porthos slipped down to the end of the bed and curled up between their feet.

"Jonathan." She started, chastising him slightly for distracting them from the discussion. She hadn't even wanted this conversation, but now they were having it she didn't want to stop.

Jon just grinned then nodded toward the dog and then grinned. "Blame Porthos, he jumped onto your boob."

"Hear that pooch, your daddy is blaming you for derailing our conversation now." Erika nudged Porthos gently with her foot so he'd look up. "That's not fair is it?" She continued, then snuggled into Jon's side a little more.

Clearly Jon noticed that she really was thinking about this. "So, what's bothering you?"

"Are we going to be good at this?" She asked, genuinely interested in what Jon thought about it. Maybe in this instance he could be the optimistic one. She really hated that she couldn't seem to bring herself to be the optimist in this situation. She had been in almost every other situation. This might do something.

"The likelihood is no, but we might be." Jon's choice of words to pick her up weren't the best, but it was so typically Jonathan that it did actually work. "We're senior Starfleet officers. We've commanded ships. I'm sure we'll get better at it." He had a point there. They had command ships, a lot of them in their fleets.

But the thing she worried about was that she didn't want to disappoint the girls. The universe have surely done enough. That was the cruellest thing, they had already been disappointed so much. "I don't want to let them down, Jon. They don't deserve that. They don't deserve any of that."

"We won't let them down." Jon squeezed her shoulders then smiled, continuing to try and cheer her up, and it was working. "We'll pick up where Simon and Maria left off, and hopefully just make sure they are the happiest and healthiest they can be."

"That's the least we can do." She agreed. Letting it wash over her.

"It is, now, put the PADD down and curl up with your husband, he wants to go to sleep and would like for his wife to hold." Jon clearly wanted to sleep, and she had to admit, she was tired.

"Alright, you win." She smiled then kissed him gently before pulling the cord for the lamp. Curled in the darkness she would be able to think, but she needed to tell herself to accept what others were saying and stop focusing on the fact that she felt ill-prepared. They would be able to get on with things, learn things, and that would be the important parts. What kind of week had it been? The answer was a bad one, they could only get better now.


End file.
